Dating exboyfriend

So, you’re interested in your ex-boyfriend’s best friend – talk about awkward. Dating your best friend’s ex or your ex’s best friend is a no-no in any rule book you will ever find. It’s in the bro code, it’s in The Rules and it is generally the source of so-called “drama”. But then again, there’s always the exception that proves the rule, so today we’re talking about how ... I would much prefer to talk in person or over the phone. Texting allows for miscommunication, and all the while doesn’t build any connection with the person you’re texting with. I’ll give you two texting strategies for getting your ex-boyfriend back, but please only use these if your ex won’t let you speak in person or talk on the phone. 7. LisaRaye McCoy’s Boyfriend. LisaRaye McCoy is single. She is not dating anyone currently. LisaRaye had at least 5 relationship in the past. LisaRaye McCoy has not been previously engaged. She is the ex-wife of the former Premier of the Turks and Caicos Islands, Michael Misick. She was also married to Tony Martin from 1992 to 1994. Charli D’Amelio’s Boyfriend. Charli D’Amelio is single. She is not dating anyone currently. Charli had at least relationship in the past. Charli D’Amelio Her parents’ names are Marc and Heidi. She has one older sister named Dixie . According to our records, she has no children. If you’re wondering what chance you have of getting back together, know that it’s totally possible, even if you say my ex is dating someone else; even if they say they’re happy and in love. Since 2007, we’ve accompanied over ten thousand men and women, and I’ve come across this situation many times. Ex Boyfriend Recovery was started with the intent to create a resource that all women going through a breakup could visit to get the answers they deserve. The problem is that this website opens a communication up between you and I. Very rarely do you see visitors of this website interacting with each other. Now, if your ex is dating someone new and you find yourself trying to decide whether to pursue the ex or move on, we recommend that you start by figuring out your chances of winning your ex back. We put together a free, two-minute quiz that is designed to determine your chances and provides recommended next steps. Dream About Ex-Boyfriend – It is a little unnerving to wake up from a dream about your ex- boyfriend. Maybe the circumstances that surrounded your breakup were not pleasant. No breakup is ever pleasant anyway so to dream about someone who is no longer your boyfriend is not something that makes you wake up with a smile unless of course, the dream was a happy one. A friend once told me his test of whether he's over an ex is whether it would bother him if they were dating someone else. Under that logic, I've never gotten over anyone in my life. True life i'm dating my best friend's ex james. I've how had incredible sex with True life i'm dating my best friend's ex james True and lasting boyfriend between these antagonists is even unlikely as it would be 'East of Lincoln Boulevard is the Eastside as far as I'm concerned,' he claims.

Serial-The Podcast

2014.10.09 17:46 glamorousglue Serial-The Podcast

Serial is a new podcast from the creators of This American Life, hosted by Sarah Koenig. Serial will follow one story - a true story - over the course of a whole season.
[link]


2020.09.24 05:25 revfex It’s been several days

It’s been several days since we fought and today after diner, I cleaned the dishes and did my normal routine after we eat just to sit on the couch and wait until he says let’s go to sleep to put my baby down, but he just started fighting me about an exboyfriend that I dated 3 years ago way before meeting him. He started telling me shit that my ex is crazy and I still love him and he can’t trust me.. why why me? I don’t do anything.
Everyday we have the same conversation. I keep to myself not to anger him.
In the morning before he leaves to work I tell him,
“I love you, have a good day today.” Which he responds, “me too, you as well”
Around 11 am he calls me during lunch to ask what I’m doing, what have I done, and what I’m going to do and if I’m going out or not, which my responds are usually,
“I’m about to eat, I’ve slept all morning, and I’m going to cook (diner for tonight) & I’m not going anywhere you have my location on you can check all the time where I’m at.
He later hangs up, & when he arrives I great him and ask how his day was which his everyday response is, “so so, I’m tired” or “so so, I’m sleepy”
Then he takes an hour to shit and shower, when he comes out the food is on the table and that it.
If he talks to me I carefully answer, if he doesn’t say anything I don’t say anything.
Anything I say he doesn’t believe or listen so why talk. I just clean the kitchen and dishes and sit on the couch until it’s time for bed and that it a routine that’s repeated day by day. I feel like I’m a prisoner with no fucking life.
Well I have to go
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2020.09.22 17:42 kiya2407 How do you recover mentally from a situation where partner breaks up with you because they think they can get (and deserve) so much better than you.

This happened a while ago, he (27 M) broke up with me (27F) in feb 2019, however, I often find my thoughts wandering and still am very hurt. We were batchmates in university for 2 years and were very much in love and he would do all the right things to show his love. He grew up in a poor family with parents always bickering. They became somewhat financially stable before I met him. We shared all the restaurant/hotel/movie etc bills in approximate halves and overall it was a great relationship. There were a couple of times when I thought I should break up with him (Both times he got drunk and verbally abused me in front of our friends), I guess I should have left then, but I gave in to his pursing techniques and basically didn't want to lose this relationship. Problems started after uni. He got an excellent job and I opted for pursuing a PhD. He was paid around triple the amount of what I earned and slowly I saw him just changing completely. He started getting super drunk almost every night and would show me less importance. I felt the lack of attention and affection a lot. Our fights became very frequent with little or no efforts from him to solve. He would hold grudges for months. Earlier if we fought, he would put efforts to make things okay, but after he got that job, he would just ignore me. Sometimes i would let it be to see his efforts and he would go weeks without calling me. I made one final effort in Jan 2019 to patch up one last time. I called him up, said I want to try again and he agreed and then we again ended up fighting in feb over something very trivial. He shouted and screamed on the road and left after a date and didn't call for a week after which I called him to ask if he just wants to leave and he said yes. Later he did call me a couple of times to say that I was really good to him but REALLY EMPHASISING on the fact that he doesn't want me back at any cost. He said our 2 years relationship was sweet, however, I was with him for almost 4 years. I guess I already had low self esteem all my life and this breakup just punched a hole through the remaining. I just wanted to share cause I really have no one to tell it to.
TL;dr exBoyfriend changed dramatically after tasting success
submitted by kiya2407 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 15:07 FuryZuri I came here on the first day post-Dday and i am leaving exactly 2 months later

First of all: I (W25) am german so please don't mind the grammar and spelling mistakes and continue reading in an angry voice.I try to keep it as short as possible for someone who's literally making a living by talking (radio).
I've been with my exboyfriend (M27) for roughly 1 1/2 years and i am usually the ''why bother worrying about the future, just enjoy what we have now''- kinda gurl (still getting used to your slangwords), but this time it was different. I will spare you the whole ''we were special - everything seemed perfect and no issues at all''- speech, although that's exactly what it felt like, and get down to business:
Even on our first date we already talked about being open to other relationship models than monogamy and that we can talk about anything, if one of us develops certain needs (which never happend for me so far). In previous relationships the second i mentioned something like that, they'd usually looked in horror and tried to perform and exorcism on me.. so it was nice being able to communicate without being judged for once. It really felt like i finally matured into a relationship that was based on honesty and communication. Now let's all laugh together.I give you a minute to calm down again, while i finish my Pizza.
Aaaanyways: Dday came and i completely lost my shit. It was in the middle of the night and one of the most horrendous moments of my life. Let me paint you a picture: i was in my underwear, my heart just broke into pieces, i yelled, i ugly cried and decided i need to get as far away as possible. So i am speed-racing down four stories of my building trying to enter the basement (don't ask why - no f*cking clue). He's coming after me. I am literally in the zone. Can barley see with my red swollen teary eyes. And i ask him: ''Did you have sex with her''. And the person, i thought i'd have little mes with, looks me in the eyes and says ''yes''. So i punch into the wall and break my hand (we're in germany, walls are solid here). Again, no f*cking clue why i did it. Probably because i saw it in (american) movies and thought thats an appropiate way to react to such news. I am running outside, into the rain, roll naked and crying over the floor. strangers pass by and want to know whats wrong. i am pointing to my boyfriend and yell out in the most ridiculous babycrying-voice: HEeeE Cheeateed On Meehh.
Yeah.. not proud. But i kinda got my shit back together, went back upstairs, took 2 chairs, a bottle of schnaps, sat down with him and talked. It was weird, but kinda nice regarding the circumstances. I cried, ranted, threw things, laughed, made fun of him, hold his hand and in some moments we were even loving to each other. To sum it up: He told me everything, he was devestated, ashamed, and filled with self-hatred. Not once did he try to make excuses.Needless to say: i broke up. But i really didn't want to. But i had to right? He talked with a girl for a week, invited her into our bed, planned the entire evening and send her away. Together with my happiness.
Fast forward: and now i really try to keep it short! Turns out: He's not who i thought he is. And that's not referring to the cheating, but to his childhood trauma (neglect), that prevents him from A. loving himself, B. Feeling much emotions (he goes numb if something is painful or sad), C. He's a people pleaser, D. He's in constant need of validation and he doesnt feel like he's got a personaltiy. He ''just plays roles to fit the circumstances''. Apparently he sometimes feels a deep void (which he tried to eventually fill with sex) and crazy depressed.The list is long..The weirdest part: my mum wasnt even surprised when i told her about the infidelity. She works in the field and said, that she knew he's not ok and tried to give me hints (she knew how his parents behave).
As a consequence we ended the realtionship, but i really wanted to fight for us. He did all the right things. Admit hes wrongs, show remorse, acknowledged his trauma and is sincerley trying to heal. He had his first therapy session last week. But at the same time, he's so confused with his own identity, that he doubts his own capacity of love.. and that's where i was left.
A guy i truley believe is an awesome, kind human being fighting with his demons, trying to be better and not able to let me in.At first i thought the cheating could result in an better, more honest relationship, because its all on the table now. isnt it? But at the same time, i didnt know if i could get over the cheating and betrayal. especially if the WS doesnt even fight for you in the way you'd expect it. I am not even mad about it, because i realize, that he needs to figure out shit about himself before he can commit to another person. But it sucked. honestly. Cause i felt the love. Although he didnt say it. We were longing for eachother and literally looking at the moon crying just couple 100meters apart.
All i could do was trying to focus on myself. Getting healthy (couldnt eat and started smoking) and happy again, without focussing on reconcilation. Although that's all i wanted.I decided to move cities for a month and started an intership. And of course - reading every single freaking reddit post in here. Cheers to you people, for guiding me through hell.
We never really went full No Contact.. Max was a week.. but oh boy! That worked wonders for me! After 6-7 weeks of overthinking, longing, missing, craving and talking about it nonstop to EVERYONE.. i finally found peace. it kinde just happend over night. It slowly got better and i cried less each day, but one day i just woke up and thought: ''you know what.. a future without XY doesnt seem too bad''.
And that's the feeling i kept since then. Sure, i miss him, i sometimes wonder, but i spent the last 4 weeks solely working on myself, writing down mantras, meditating, watching motivational videos and working really really intensly on my selfesteem and selflove.
And now.. to the day 2 Months after DDAY, i no longer feel the need to visit this channel to feel less alone and understood. It's not what i expected, when i first came to this channel, i genuinely thought i would fight till the end to get back with him.. and i surley did not expect it to happen THAT FAST, but i think i am finally a grown ass woman, that actually is able to put herself first.
So i thought it's my turn to say THANK YOU by writing down my story and hopefully make you guys feel a little bit less hopeless and lost. Because I KNOW the day will come and then YOU will wake up and think ''i can do this on my own''.
submitted by FuryZuri to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 02:47 Nice_Soup3264 AITA for calling out my friend’s problematic behavior?

I have a really close friend (both 33f) who I’ve known for 15 years. She is super fun, smart, one of my favorite people to talk to and her friendship means a lot to me. However, her behavior with men is extremely problematic and its hard not to judge her. To give background, in the past few years, she had an affair during her marriage and then demanded an open relationship. They eventually divorced, and since then she’s cheated on 3 or 4 different boyfriends. She admits that she is addicted to male attention, and she dates compulsively to get it.
Last summer she and I went on a girls trip, and she ditched me 3 of the 4 nights with a different guy, including one night that was my late father’s birthday, which she said she would spend with me to do something in honor of him.
Recently, she dated a clients exboyfriend, which is a hugely unethical and flat out wrong thing to do in her career, the kind of thing that could get her fired and lose her license.
She’s coming to visit me soon and I thought it would be better to address this stuff before she came. I told her that her behavior was really damaging and shocking and I was afraid we were going to have a repeat of our last trip. The whole thing with her clients ex made me wonder if she had any boundaries. For example, if she was willing to do that, would she date my exboyfriend?
She was really hurt and heartbroken that I would ever say this to her and “how could I ever think she would date my exboyfriend or do something intentionally to hurt me.” She feels really betrayed and also feels like I rubbed her problems in her face that she’s actively trying to work on. She can’t believe I would judge her like that, especially since she’s already apologized and expressed remorse for things she’s done in the past felt it was unfair for me to bring it up again. (I don’t think these are past behaviors, but a current pattern that she really hasn’t done anything about.)
Was I wrong to call her out?
submitted by Nice_Soup3264 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2020.09.12 15:01 p0hs I (M27) am in a very stressful situation with my housemate (M26) because of girl (F23)

WARNING: Very long story
I need some point of views and advices because I'm facing a situation that is hurting me. English is not my mother tongue so sorry for eventual typos.
In January this year I met a girl (23) at a party, she was a school friend of my housemate. Housemate has been my friend for more than 10 years and we have a weird friendship, as he is there for me but he can be very annoying with me. I felt attracted to her but she had a boyfriend so I didn't try anything. After a few more parties, she confess me that things aren't going well with her boyfriend. I try my luck and send her a message, she replied and we started talking. One week later, she dumped her boyfriend and we start dating. I told my housemate about it before I dated her that something was about to happen. I knew he was attracted to her but since he was in a long distance relationship, I didn't felt too bad about doing it. He told me that he was very happy for us.
We dated two time, then, she told me she didn't knew what she could offer in a relationship because she was out of 5 years. Right now she felt like she didn't wanted to be in a couple, but that things could change. She just knew that she wanted to spend more time with me. Me I was just happy to have a girl interested in me after 2 years of sentimental desert. I told her that I wasn't looking for something specific, except sex and not being taken for a band aid. And the confinement came over so I didn't see her for 3 months. During that time we talked 24/7 on how we couldn't wait that things where over so that we could see each other. We learned to discover each other and made plans for when the confinement was over. At times, she would disappear for a few hours, and it hurt me because she would just stop replying without notice. After, she would say that it was because she was arguing with her ex boyfriend and she just couldn't speak to me at the same time she was speaking to him. I can understand that the guy was quite lost after a 5 year relationship so I wasn't mad because he wanted to understand. I told her to tell me when stuff like that happened so I don't worry about her. After a few disappearance, I told her I needed to take time for me and that we shouldn't talk as much as we did cause the way she acted was hurting me. She became very apologetic and told me she felt like she did something bad and she didn't wanted me to take distance. She also said that she would understand if I chose to do it. Note that during the confinement, I was at my house with my housemate and he was very annoying with me, we would constantly argue and I would talk to her about it, I was feeling bad and she wanted to be there for me.
Confinement was over and we saw each other again. When we dated, she would come to my house, I would cook for her, then we went in bed with a movie and we would have intense kissing sessions where we rubbed our bodies like we had sex but with our clothes on. I would touch her breast under her bra but when I tried to remove her shirt, she would stop me. She would let me put my hand in her underwear but when I got close to her vagina, she would stop me. I could touch her whole body except her vagina and she wouldn't remove her clothes in bed. Also, she never touched my penis, I told her one time that me I wasn't feeling guilty myself (as a joke) of anything so I could use some love, and she said "I know" and laughed it off. She didn't wanted to have sex because she was feeling guilty over her exboyfriend as he was hurting over her, so she was hurting over it because he was still important to her. She told me to be patient and that we will do it soon because she was very horny every time but her guilt at the moment was too strong. After that, her excuse for not having sex was that she had her period. I didn't wanted to sound insensitive so I just went along with my frustration and we dated multiple time knowing that we wouldn't have sex because of it. When I say frustration, I mean feel depressed as fuck the day after because I felt she would never have sex with me and I was basically not doing what should be done in fear of loosing her: saying that if we don't fuck, we can't see each other because I didn't saw the point of frustrating myself like this as she didn't knew what she wanted. When I was with her, I would feel amazing, even tho we didn't had sex because I would tell her about the no sex insecurity and she would reassure me, that it was on her part and I was attractive. Also, she would struggle to open to me, she didn't wanted to talk about her previous relationship with me, but was eager to listen when I talked about my insecurities or my love experience to her and she would ask questions to have me talk. She told me that it was very important for her that nobody saw us kissing or think we were a couple. She told me it was the same with her ex boyfriend and I was okay with that, even tho me and my male friends outside of this group thought it was weird. We had also a common group of friend that I built to see her more by organising activities because dating wasn't enough for me, and my housemate was in the group. It was very obvious to the group of friends that something was going on between us. We were very close like touching thighs with our hands under the table when we were sitting next to each other or sneak out of sight 20 minutes to kiss when were at parties. She told herself to some of our friends that we were dating. Anyway, at one point she came to me and she said that she felt like we were a couple because we kissed to say hi or goodbye, or because we did the stuff when we were with the group of friend like I mentioned before. She said she liked all those moments, but that after they happened, she would think about them and feel bad. After that, she became more cold with me at parties with our friends, she would even be a little mean sometimes. Whenever my hands would slip on her because I was just used to it at this point, she would say "don't". After one such party, I told her we needed to talk and she agreed that we needed to do it. I told her that it was hurting me the way she acted at parties, especially the mean comments in public. She said she was sorry, that she though it was because she was feeling guilty that she saw that I was affected by the way she was with me. She also told me that she felt I was staying with her because I had nothing better to do and that I wanted something more that what she could provide, because now she was sure she didn't wanted to be in a couple. I told her that I just liked to be around her and I wanted nothing more, but I still expected that we had sex at some point. We made out after that and she left in the morning. We still talked a lot through messages even after that. The last time we made out was at a party at my house. She was very distant then, she almost didn't talk to me in the first part of the party and couldn't look at me. At one point, I told her we needed to talk again and she agreed. She told me she was very anxious because she was going to see her ex boyfriend the next week to give him is stuff back and to close their relationship for good because they couldn't see each other before because of covid. She told me that we wouldn't make out tonight because she needed to focus on that. I told her that I understood now why she was like this and she told me she was glad I came over to talk to her and that she was feeling much better. We didn't talk much at the party after that. After everybody left, she came to my room to "talk" again and we made out passionately. Her excuse not having sex this time was that she didn't shaved, as her period was over. I told her that the situation made me feel very insecure and I felt like a band aid because she just wouldn't open to me. She said that we will do it soon. The day after, we had a conversation all night through messages, where she talked to me a lot about her insecurities, as she felt that she couldn't help but think I was staying with her because of what she could provide to me, and not for the person she was. And it was the first time she would open like this to me so I was very happy and told her, even if it was different of the usual flirty tone and reassured her that I liked her for who she was, witch was true. She told me then that she liked me for who I was, and hoped that "if" things would end between us, we could still keep the group of friend as she liked it very much and because if I liked her for who she was, then it shouldn't be a problem for both of us in case it happened. I started to become very concerned and told her, she said to me that she was just thinking about it and it was hypothetical, she still wanted to date. The day after, I was pretty much dead inside and she didn't talked to me the whole day. At around 7pm, she sent me a message saying "hey, I need to talk to you face to face". I knew it was over. She came to my place, I didn't even tried to kiss her. I could see she was very uncomfortable. She started to talk to me about her insecurities for the incoming meeting with her ex, she told me I was perfect in the way I acted with her but she still felt like she owed me something and it made her feel bad, she told me that she came to my place to cuddle before because she knew we wouldn't have sex and it was unfair to me. After 30 minutes, she said to me "I think I need that we say that we break up so when I see my exboyfriend, I feel like I break up with him because of the way he acted with me and not because you are in my life now". I told her I didn't quite understood, but she reassured me by saying that most likely after she saw him, she still wanted to date and since everything will be behind her now, we could finally have sex, but still, she needed to had a bit of "uncertainty" to this future by saying that we stop dating so she can say to herself that she didn't dumped her boyfriend of 5 years for me. She told me she will contact me when she felt she was ready. I said ok no problem and she went her way. Note that all of this paragraph happened in the span of 3 weeks.
The day after, I woke up and I knew I was in love with her. I was thinking about her non-stop as we talked everyday for the past 3 months at that point, and she just vanished. I felt it was very unfair for me and I felt like literal shit but I didn't talked to her for 3 days. The day she went to see her ex, I was drunk and I sent her a message to ask her how it went. And the tone of her reply was very different of the usual and she asked why I sent her a message. I told her I was worrying about her and she told me it was done and she was fine. I didn't try further. At this point, I'm crushed and angry. So the day after, I called her saying "we need to see each other" and she said "it's a bit early for me to see you but if you feel like you need it, I can come". I said I needed it but I didn't wanted to force her. She called me back 10 minutes later telling me that she really preferred that we saw each other later. She also told me "what did you not understood when I said things where over ?" and I told her how I understood what she said the last time we saw each other, that it was just a facade for her mind. She told me that she hadn't decided yet if she wanted us to date again. She also told me that if she came to my place right now, she would definitely use me as a band aid and "you wouldn't want that to happen, do you ?" . We hung out 2 time with our group of friend after that and I couldn't stop looking at her, and she was friendly with me as she was before because when we were dating, we tried to act as nothing was going on so it was pretty much the same, even tho I was dead inside. I couldn't read if she wanted to continue or to stop. I drank a lot during that week so I sent her some drunk text saying that I felt like I needed to know what was going to happen. She told me she knew now but wanted to tell me face to face and we set that after a party at one of our friends house, we would go to my place and discuss about it. I got shit faced drunk at that party because I knew what was coming, and when we went home after the party, she told me that she didn't wanted to date again as she fell we didn't wanted the same thing and that there are stuff that we don't understand about each other. I told her if she though it could change and she told me no. I told her that I loved her and she became mad, because I wasn't honest with my feelings when I was with her, as I would have told her, she would have dumped me much sooner. I was completely destroyed at this point. I reluctantly accepted to host a party with her at my place later that week. It was our first real "party" since she told me it was over for good. There, I saw her look at my housemate with the same eyes she looked at me before. I drank a lot of alcohol that night, it was the worst hangover of my life. At like 3 am, I went nuts and started insulting her and other people at the party, but mostly her. I told her that nobody liked her here and that she should go home, that she was a bitch etc ... in front of all our common friends. She went home and I started to drunk message her and she was very mad at me, she made fun of how I could fall in love even tho we dated like 5 times and that when she saw that I was very into her, she lost all interest in me because she didn't felt that at all for me. She checked with all our friends in the group if they felt the same and they reassured her, so we made peace as I was feeling very guilty over what I had done, but I was still madly in love with her.
The week after that party, my housemate started to hangout a lot with this girl. As I was clearly hurt by the situation, the group of friend decided to not hang out with me for a while. He was very jolly when he heard it was over between us. But he was still there to listent to me ranting about her, so I though I was not going to try something with her. I would stalk her on instagram and see she was hanging out with him, like 6 days a week. I just couldn't handle it, I was constantly wanting for him to come home to listent if he was with her. I talked to him about it at one point, and he told me that he knew he had a connexion with this girl, but he had his girlfriend so he wouldn't try anything. He also told me that he kinda felt like I snatched her from him and that he wished he never showed her to me. I was so afraid that he could date her that I didn't confronted him about how he was with me during the confinement because of her and that he if would have been honest with me when I asked him about me dating her, things could have been different. 2 weeks later, he was fucking her in her appartement, where she never accepted me to go.
I went away from this situation to my family for one month during august. I though a lot about it. I am not mad at them for being fuckbuddies, I am mad at them for the way they treated me. Her for using me as a band aid and making me stay by promising me sex and being very supportive when I was feeling down so I became very dependent emotionally of her. And him for just being an asshole overall who never respected me and used my insecurities against me to make me feel bad. and it's the fact of them being fuckbuddies that made me realise that. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. I feel ashamed of my ability to seduce girls as he got what I wanted by doing pretty much nothing. It's been 5 days since I came back in our house and he tries to connect with me but I just don't want to, when he ask how I am doing, I say just "fine" and don't ask him back, and I feel guilty about it, even tho he does it just out of guilt and not genuine worry. That's the way I am. I though I could handle it by going back to school and having a new group of wonderful friends, but so far it's pretty hard, it's just on my mind all the time, hence the giant post. I don't want to move out but the situation is very uncomfortable for me. We have a 3rd house mate coming who is our best friend with my housemate coming soon so I hope he will soothe things. Tonight I know I will have to interact with him and It makes me very anxious.
Send thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for reading me
submitted by p0hs to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 16:58 p0hs I (M27) am in a very stressful situation with my housemate (M26) because of girl (F23)

WARNING: Very long story


I need some point of views and advices because I'm facing a situation that is hurting me. English is not my mother tongue so sorry for eventual typos.
In January this year I met a girl (23) at a party, she was a school friend of my housemate. Housemate has been my friend for more than 10 years and we have a weird friendship, as he is there for me but he can be very annoying with me. I felt attracted to her but she had a boyfriend so I didn't try anything. After a few more parties, she confess me that things aren't going well with her boyfriend. I try my luck and send her a message, she replied and we started talking. One week later, she dumped her boyfriend and we start dating. I told my housemate about it before I dated her that something was about to happen. I knew he was attracted to her but since he was in a long distance relationship, I didn't felt too bad about doing it. He told me that he was very happy for us.
We dated two time, then, she told me she didn't knew what she could offer in a relationship because she was out of 5 years. Right now she felt like she didn't wanted to be in a couple, but that things could change. She just knew that she wanted to spend more time with me. Me I was just happy to have a girl interested in me after 2 years of sentimental desert. I told her that I wasn't looking for something specific, except sex and not being taken for a band aid. And the confinement came over so I didn't see her for 3 months. During that time we talked 24/7 on how we couldn't wait that things where over so that we could see each other. We learned to discover each other and made plans for when the confinement was over. At times, she would disappear for a few hours, and it hurt me because she would just stop replying without notice. After, she would say that it was because she was arguing with her ex boyfriend and she just couldn't speak to me at the same time she was speaking to him. I can understand that the guy was quite lost after a 5 year relationship so I wasn't mad because he wanted to understand. I told her to tell me when stuff like that happened so I don't worry about her. After a few disappearance, I told her I needed to take time for me and that we shouldn't talk as much as we did cause the way she acted was hurting me. She became very apologetic and told me she felt like she did something bad and she didn't wanted me to take distance. She also said that she would understand if I chose to do it. Note that during the confinement, I was at my house with my housemate and he was very annoying with me, we would constantly argue and I would talk to her about it, I was feeling bad and she wanted to be there for me.
Confinement was over and we saw each other again. When we dated, she would come to my house, I would cook for her, then we went in bed with a movie and we would have intense kissing sessions where we rubbed our bodies like we had sex but with our clothes on. I would touch her breast under her bra but when I tried to remove her shirt, she would stop me. She would let me put my hand in her underwear but when I got close to her vagina, she would stop me. I could touch her whole body except her vagina and she wouldn't remove her clothes in bed. Also, she never touched my penis, I told her one time that me I wasn't feeling guilty myself (as a joke) of anything so I could use some love, and she said "I know" and laughed it off. She didn't wanted to have sex because she was feeling guilty over her exboyfriend as he was hurting over her, so she was hurting over it because he was still important to her. She told me to be patient and that we will do it soon because she was very horny every time but her guilt at the moment was too strong. After that, her excuse for not having sex was that she had her period. I didn't wanted to sound insensitive so I just went along with my frustration and we dated multiple time knowing that we wouldn't have sex because of it. When I say frustration, I mean feel depressed as fuck the day after because I felt she would never have sex with me and I was basically not doing what should be done in fear of loosing her: saying that if we don't fuck, we can't see each other because I didn't saw the point of frustrating myself like this as she didn't knew what she wanted. When I was with her, I would feel amazing, even tho we didn't had sex because I would tell her about the no sex insecurity and she would reassure me, that it was on her part and I was attractive. Also, she would struggle to open to me, she didn't wanted to talk about her previous relationship with me, but was eager to listen when I talked about my insecurities or my love experience to her and she would ask questions to have me talk. She told me that it was very important for her that nobody saw us kissing or think we were a couple. She told me it was the same with her ex boyfriend and I was okay with that, even tho me and my male friends outside of this group thought it was weird. We had also a common group of friend that I built to see her more by organising activities because dating wasn't enough for me, and my housemate was in the group. It was very obvious to the group of friends that something was going on between us. We were very close like touching thighs with our hands under the table when we were sitting next to each other or sneak out of sight 20 minutes to kiss when were at parties. She told herself to some of our friends that we were dating. Anyway, at one point she came to me and she said that she felt like we were a couple because we kissed to say hi or goodbye, or because we did the stuff when we were with the group of friend like I mentioned before. She said she liked all those moments, but that after they happened, she would think about them and feel bad. After that, she became more cold with me at parties with our friends, she would even be a little mean sometimes. Whenever my hands would slip on her because I was just used to it at this point, she would say "don't". After one such party, I told her we needed to talk and she agreed that we needed to do it. I told her that it was hurting me the way she acted at parties, especially the mean comments in public. She said she was sorry, that she though it was because she was feeling guilty that she saw that I was affected by the way she was with me. She also told me that she felt I was staying with her because I had nothing better to do and that I wanted something more that what she could provide, because now she was sure she didn't wanted to be in a couple. I told her that I just liked to be around her and I wanted nothing more, but I still expected that we had sex at some point. We made out after that and she left in the morning. We still talked a lot through messages even after that. The last time we made out was at a party at my house. She was very distant then, she almost didn't talk to me in the first part of the party and couldn't look at me. At one point, I told her we needed to talk again and she agreed. She told me she was very anxious because she was going to see her ex boyfriend the next week to give him is stuff back and to close their relationship for good because they couldn't see each other before because of covid. She told me that we wouldn't make out tonight because she needed to focus on that. I told her that I understood now why she was like this and she told me she was glad I came over to talk to her and that she was feeling much better. We didn't talk much at the party after that. After everybody left, she came to my room to "talk" again and we made out passionately. Her excuse not having sex this time was that she didn't shaved, as her period was over. I told her that the situation made me feel very insecure and I felt like a band aid because she just wouldn't open to me. She said that we will do it soon. The day after, we had a conversation all night through messages, where she talked to me a lot about her insecurities, as she felt that she couldn't help but think I was staying with her because of what she could provide to me, and not for the person she was. And it was the first time she would open like this to me so I was very happy and told her, even if it was different of the usual flirty tone and reassured her that I liked her for who she was, witch was true. She told me then that she liked me for who I was, and hoped that "if" things would end between us, we could still keep the group of friend as she liked it very much and because if I liked her for who she was, then it shouldn't be a problem for both of us in case it happened. I started to become very concerned and told her, she said to me that she was just thinking about it and it was hypothetical, she still wanted to date. The day after, I was pretty much dead inside and she didn't talked to me the whole day. At around 7pm, she sent me a message saying "hey, I need to talk to you face to face". I knew it was over. She came to my place, I didn't even tried to kiss her. I could see she was very uncomfortable. She started to talk to me about her insecurities for the incoming meeting with her ex, she told me I was perfect in the way I acted with her but she still felt like she owed me something and it made her feel bad, she told me that she came to my place to cuddle before because she knew we wouldn't have sex and it was unfair to me. After 30 minutes, she said to me "I think I need that we say that we break up so when I see my exboyfriend, I feel like I break up with him because of the way he acted with me and not because you are in my life now". I told her I didn't quite understood, but she reassured me by saying that most likely after she saw him, she still wanted to date and since everything will be behind her now, we could finally have sex, but still, she needed to had a bit of "uncertainty" to this future by saying that we stop dating so she can say to herself that she didn't dumped her boyfriend of 5 years for me. She told me she will contact me when she felt she was ready. I said ok no problem and she went her way. Note that all of this paragraph happened in the span of 3 weeks.
The day after, I woke up and I knew I was in love with her. I was thinking about her non-stop as we talked everyday for the past 3 months at that point, and she just vanished. I felt it was very unfair for me and I felt like literal shit but I didn't talked to her for 3 days. The day she went to see her ex, I was drunk and I sent her a message to ask her how it went. And the tone of her reply was very different of the usual and she asked why I sent her a message. I told her I was worrying about her and she told me it was done and she was fine. I didn't try further. At this point, I'm crushed and angry. So the day after, I called her saying "we need to see each other" and she said "it's a bit early for me to see you but if you feel like you need it, I can come". I said I needed it but I didn't wanted to force her. She called me back 10 minutes later telling me that she really preferred that we saw each other later. She also told me "what did you not understood when I said things where over ?" and I told her how I understood what she said the last time we saw each other, that it was just a facade for her mind. She told me that she hadn't decided yet if she wanted us to date again. She also told me that if she came to my place right now, she would definitely use me as a band aid and "you wouldn't want that to happen, do you ?" . We hung out 2 time with our group of friend after that and I couldn't stop looking at her, and she was friendly with me as she was before because when we were dating, we tried to act as nothing was going on so it was pretty much the same, even tho I was dead inside. I couldn't read if she wanted to continue or to stop. I drank a lot during that week so I sent her some drunk text saying that I felt like I needed to know what was going to happen. She told me she knew now but wanted to tell me face to face and we set that after a party at one of our friends house, we would go to my place and discuss about it. I got shit faced drunk at that party because I knew what was coming, and when we went home after the party, she told me that she didn't wanted to date again as she fell we didn't wanted the same thing and that there are stuff that we don't understand about each other. I told her if she though it could change and she told me no. I told her that I loved her and she became mad, because I wasn't honest with my feelings when I was with her, as I would have told her, she would have dumped me much sooner. I was completely destroyed at this point. I reluctantly accepted to host a party with her at my place later that week. It was our first real "party" since she told me it was over for good. There, I saw her look at my housemate with the same eyes she looked at me before. I drank a lot of alcohol that night, it was the worst hangover of my life. At like 3 am, I went nuts and started insulting her and other people at the party, but mostly her. I told her that nobody liked her here and that she should go home, that she was a bitch etc ... in front of all our common friends. She went home and I started to drunk message her and she was very mad at me, she made fun of how I could fall in love even tho we dated like 5 times and that when she saw that I was very into her, she lost all interest in me because she didn't felt that at all for me. She checked with all our friends in the group if they felt the same and they reassured her, so we made peace as I was feeling very guilty over what I had done, but I was still madly in love with her.
The week after that party, my housemate started to hangout a lot with this girl. As I was clearly hurt by the situation, the group of friend decided to not hang out with me for a while. He was very jolly when he heard it was over between us. But he was still there to listent to me ranting about her, so I though I was not going to try something with her. I would stalk her on instagram and see she was hanging out with him, like 6 days a week. I just couldn't handle it, I was constantly wanting for him to come home to listent if he was with her. I talked to him about it at one point, and he told me that he knew he had a connexion with this girl, but he had his girlfriend so he wouldn't try anything. He also told me that he kinda felt like I snatched her from him and that he wished he never showed her to me. I was so afraid that he could date her that I didn't confronted him about how he was with me during the confinement because of her and that he if would have been honest with me when I asked him about me dating her, things could have been different. 2 weeks later, he was fucking her in her appartement, where she never accepted me to go.
I went away from this situation to my family for one month during august. I though a lot about it. I am not mad at them for being fuckbuddies, I am mad at them for the way they treated me. Her for using me as a band aid and making me stay by promising me sex and being very supportive when I was feeling down so I became very dependent emotionally of her. And him for just being an asshole overall who never respected me and used my insecurities against me to make me feel bad. and it's the fact of them being fuckbuddies that made me realise that. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. I feel ashamed of my ability to seduce girls as he got what I wanted by doing pretty much nothing. It's been 5 days since I came back in our house and he tries to connect with me but I just don't want to, when he ask how I am doing, I say just "fine" and don't ask him back, and I feel guilty about it, even tho he does it just out of guilt and not genuine worry. That's the way I am. I though I could handle it by going back to school and having a new group of wonderful friends, but so far it's pretty hard, it's just on my mind all the time, hence the giant post. I don't want to move out but the situation is very uncomfortable for me. We have a 3rd house mate coming who is our best friend with my housemate coming soon so I hope he will soothe things. Tonight I know I will have to interact with him and It makes me very anxious.
Send thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for reading me
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2020.09.06 08:35 sci_veg Is it possible to stay friends?

I (29F) broke things off with my (40M) partner of 2.5 years a couple weeks ago. I thought we were doing awesome at the friendship thing. Then I spent two tearful hours on the phone tonight because he wants to know if I will marry him and my comphet and my need to please others is in overdrive. I mean I said no but it's just so rough to hear that. Like I crave being able to say yes. I just feel broken and lost and his friendship was really holding me together.
Basically he admits he's going to always be trying to get me back. I asked what would happen if I started dating. He said it would be hard to be friends. I'm just feeling lost and lonely and in need of support.
Anyone want to tell me how it went keeping up contact with your exboyfriend or ex-husbands?
Literally if I could be sure that I wouldnt be deleriously happy with a woman (like he seems to feel with me) I'd just play the role I've been playing forever because he's my best friend.
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2020.09.02 02:01 conikrou Ex had me served child custody papers for a child he hasn’t seen in 2.5 years.

My (25f) exboyfriend (26m) had me served child custody paperwork yesterday and we have a court date in two weeks. We broke up and I kicked him out in May 2018. From May-August he harassed and stalked me - got a 1 year restraining order as a result (child excluded from order). After the order ended (August 2019), I contacted multiple family members to arrange him seeing our child. We met one time for a total of 3 hours with him rushing to leave from the moment we arrived. The visit went well but afterwords he refused to answer phone calls, FaceTimes, we would arrange a time to meet & he would cancel an hour before hand, etc. Eventually I just began speaking to him the way he spoke to me (there is history of DV, emotional, physical, and mental abuse). After a few weeks of this, he stopped bothering me - about December 2019or January 2020.
About mid February (when he found out his new girlfriend was expecting), he began constantly calling and messaging, demanding I meet him at a certain place and time, send him my bank information or address for him to send child support to - without discussion, just demanding. I got tired of him - he knows how to trigger my anxiety- and blocked him on every aspect of communication.
The papers he’s served me are demanding the following;
He wants to be named the father (no DNA test requested). He wants reasonable lengthy visitations. He wants to pay child support. He wants to decide who claims her on taxes. He wants to make one of us keep health and dental insurance on her (I’ve kept up with both since her birth). He wants his name on the birth certificate and her to have his last name. He wants me to pay his lawyer fees. Plus “whatever other relief he is entitled to”.
His lawyer also stated that I have alienated our child purposely (well obviously because I had a restraining order), failed to let him have meaningful communication, and I refuse to even communicate with him. Communication was agreed between he and I a LONG time ago that we would communicate through my mother unless it was dire to speak with each other.
I am completely at a loss of what to do. I am meeting with a lawyer in a couple days - but I’ve heard he has one of the best in our area and I’m nervous. I don’t want my child (3f) to be handed over to him and his girlfriend (our child has never met) for weekends at a time - she sleeps with me every night and I do not feel comfortable with that situation happening at his house. Since May 2018 he has only seen/talked to our child 1 time.
I am not even sure what advice I’m looking for, just something to help.
Edit; we were never married and we are located in Mississippi.
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2020.08.31 09:35 No-Resort6648 Exboyfriend wants to get together again IF I let him have a friendship with his exgirl?

My exboyfriend (25) and I (23F) met at work 3 years ago. When I met him we became friends and he was dating a girl at the time and often told me of how unhappy he was. They had been dating for 6 years but eventually broke up. He confides in me about the breakup and past trauma. A month later we’re bonding and started going from friendly to flirty. After that happened my friend told me he loved me and I was shocked! At the time I liked him but felt overwhelmed by hearing “love” regardless shortly after professing his love we start dating.
Fast forward a year and a half of dating. We decide to do “van life”. We both quit our jobs and leave our apartment. Then covid happens... We aren’t sure where to go, so we stay at his brothers house in California. Were there for 3 months beginning of quarantine.
While living there i come to find both him and his ex lived with his brother in California before too. His past traumas with her were brought up occasionally. We talked and cried a lot. Eventually we decide to restart van life and leave the house to take a trip up the pacific coast highway!
While traveling he brings up that he and his ex have also traveled the PCH. I’m thinking “okay whatever people can take road trips with their ex” BUT HERE IS WHERE IT GETS WEIRD. We’re looking for a place to park for the night. I pick a Walmart but he says no, insists on this target parking lot. whatever I’m tired, we drive to the parking lot and he says it’s familiar. Then recalls he and his ex had slept in this parking lot before while on their trip. I just sit there like...okkkaaayyy???... why are you telling me this?? I feel weird about it and bottle it up/brush it off.
We keep traveling and eventually he brings her up again. So I tell him let’s stop talking about her, then I went on a rant about how I feel like I’m just living in her footsteps. Basically we both moved to California to live with your brother and then travel up the coast and sleep in the same parking lot??? Wtf.
A week passed, we’re having a normal conversation. I think someone was moody and eventually we got into a fight. My boyfriend says he wants to break up. I ask why and he disassociated. After crying and asking if I should fly home to my parents he consoles me and says he’d never leave me and we’re still together. But then he expresses interest in contacting his ex to get closure and healing of trauma. I think yes! Talk to her, figure out what you need! I just want you to be happy and not think of her anymore.
2 mornings later I’m coming back after taking a shower and he’s on the phone. He says it’s his ex and I felt weird that he would call her and not warn me prior while I was in the shower but I let them talk. they continued to talk for 2 hours.... (with me away from him) After his talk he seemed so refreshed and happy and I was excited for him to have this closure!
3 days later he goes to show me something on his Instagram and to search, then I see his ex is a recent search. I mentioned it and he said while they were talking she said she posted a picture of her cat and he wanted to see it. I told him just admit you wanted to creep on her and see what she’s looking like and how she’s doing... he stuck with the cat story. 2 days later were driving down the road and his phone is playing music off Spotify. He’s driving and tells me to change the album so I scroll in his recently listened to and WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT!! his ex Spotify! he listened to a lot of her playlist recently. I sigh and say “I’m really getting sick of seeing her everywhere.” And then my boyfriend said stop snooping and being nosey. I’m like dude you literally told me to change the album and I wasn’t searching for anything. ???
We keep traveling and get to my dads house. He starts a fight about how we don’t have sex enough and at this point I’m overwhelmed by being around each other so much in a car, his ex, covid, fighting, literally everything. So I suggest we take a break. I’ll stay at my dads and you stay at your friends. We both agree but the next morning before he leaves he’s crying and telling me I’m breaking up with him and that I don’t love him. I explain we’re young and we just spend so much time together it’s healthy to be apart and just think and regroup and talk in a week or so...
A week later he deleted all our photos of each other on Instagram. And I think it’s weird and see he’s refollowing his ex. I end up calling him and asking what it’s all about and he’s saying I broke up with him and he can do what he wants. I remind him that I wanted a BREAK like a little vacation from each other not a breakup. Eventually he reveals that the day after leaving he called his ex and they started bonding again and he also saw his ex in person “platonically” trying time reform a friendship. Then went to say he also went on tinder to “find friends” which I know it wasn’t for that My heart sank.... like a week after you thinking we split up and you’re doing this.... it hurt a lot honestly. I was sick to my stomach i couldn’t eat for 3 days.
Time passes and he says he wouldn’t have done the tinder thing if he thought we were getting back together. I ask if he did anything with any of the people he met and he says no but also asks why would it matter?? Which makes me believe he did. Obviously it matters... But he continues with how he wants us to be back together.
He then asks if we did get together again if he could be friends with his ex. He’s going on about how he grew up with her and he’s known her for years. So I say as long as you promise it’s platonic I think I could be okay with that. Then he tells me he’s happy I’m mature that his ex said said she couldn’t be friends with him if he got back together with me. Which is good news to me. But he was upset she was giving him an ultimatum.
Im general I feel weird. He’s considering her way too much. I don’t feel like the priority. I don’t understand why he wants to be friends with her so badly. And I hate to make him out like a bad person because we do share the same vision for a future, the same interest, we have a lot of fun together, motivate each other, everything. I think since covid and being around each other 24/7 that was already unhealthy but now having to deal with his ex as a friend and putting all the things I know now in the past is hard.
Does this situation sound odd? Should I really even consider going back to him? Should I make an ultimatum? Am I just being a push over or are these mature choices I’m making for him to help him establish healthy relationships after trauma?? I just feel dumb.
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2020.08.26 18:02 deku_0429 Broke NC, saw her again, feeling worst than before

Summary: Short term relationship very passionate, we almost became a couple. She ended up things, didn't give closure, didn't want to see me. She was still talking to her 5 year exboyfriend, in the meantime she fucked another guy, three weeks ago, she reaches out to apologize for her behavior, she didn't want to try it again with me, I guess she was looking for an apology, somehow she had regrets.
Told me a lot of good stuff, that I was going to be a great boyfriend etc... we ended up talking about sexual things and having a one night thing but first she wanted to see me. "Date" was last Saturday, I picked her up, we chatted, I was weak and asked for a kiss, she didn't react that good but we still kissed. That happened 3 more times. We also had lunch and it was decent but I could feel she was somehow uninterested, distant, and awkward. After that I ask her how she felt the date (next day) and she was barely answer and mentioned she didn't felt confortable kissing even though I just kiss her once and asked for her permission. She haven't reached out, I think she is playing I can't trust her.
Feel terrible for thinking there was a chance again.
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2020.08.23 23:44 Klinx96 Did my girlfriend "settle with me"? NEED HELP

This is going to be a long post but bear with me please.


About 2 months ago, I met a girl for a ONS. I don't usually do that as it never really was my thing but I thought I'd give it a try.
She was in a "hoe phase" and was seeing other guys at the same time. She started this phase 2 months prior to our first date, the same day her ex broke up with her.
So on our first date, things went very well and she even stayed at my place for the night (thing she never did with any other date she later told me) and we decided to plan a second date the same week.
Again things went well, and she even stayed the next day and cancelled another date to stay longer.
We truly had a great complicity and I certainly felt like I could eat, sleep, live, work and do everything with her, and it looked more like two best friends having fun.
She is an objectively attractive girl with literally the perfect body, and has a sensitivity that I've rarely seen. I also am pretty attractive and I believe we truly fit well together.
Eventually, and with no surprise, we ended up together. I talked about my attachment and she made the first move and asked me out which ended up feeling very natural as we spent most of our time together. We talked about keeping the relationship open but I then told her I wasn't ready for that. She later said she would have not been able to keep it open either anyway. She told all of her other dates that she was now in a relationship.
At the beginning I felt great. I felt lucky and my ego was boosted by the fact that she chose "me out of all these guys".
But eventually I started feeling very insecure. What has she done with the other guys? Is she really loving me or am I "boyfriend material" she settled with?
I truly believe that there's nothing wrong for a woman to have her fun, and go out and enjoy and I also know that I am pretty insecure as a person. She had only one relationship before her hoe phase that lasted 6 months so she was very new to relationships.
I also can't complain about sex as we have sex 1-2 times a day and did all kinds of wild stuff we both have never tried before.
Several things are hard for me : she had unprotected sex with half of her dates. She couldn't really explain why, sometimes she said it was horniness, sometimes it was to please the dates. In any case this hurts me quite a lot. Also, she had sex with guys that wouldn't go down on her, and would ghost her as soon as she left. It felt like she was used by some dates. I also know it wasn't the case for some other dates, and the guys looked like decent humans.
The other thing is that I am afraid of being cheated on or being the one she "settled with". She's a very sensitive, but also very anxious person with quite a lot of social anxiety. She has pretty low self esteem, and definitely did put her exboyfriend on a pedestal.
We spent almost every living minute together these past two months and I am moving to a different city very soon, so we decided to try keeping what we have in a distance relationship. I'll move back to the city she lives in in less than a year, and we will be able to visit each other every month.
So here's the thing Reddit : Am I fully/only insecure or is there things I should actually be concerned about? Am I completely oblivious and being used or just insecure? I know there's a lot of insecurity of mine on which I work hard on (things are getting better).
TL;RD : Had a ONS that turned in a relationship, now having doubts, wondering if it's insecurities or genuine concerns.
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2020.08.20 22:02 oppsuh I (35/f) ended my 9 years relationship in the most hurtful way and got married with someone else in 2 years.

This is not the conventional “my partner left me and i can’t get over him or her” kinda post. This time the story is from the person who left’s pov. I know after you read this post, you will hate me and call me names maybe but i will pour my heart out here for everyone to see no matter what. So here’s my story.
I met the love of my life in 2008. It wasn’t love at first sight, there was no magical elements, i just fell for him and he had been suffering from a recent break up. I found it out much later. We were seeing each other but he was always very mean to me. It was like i was there for him like a bandage on his fresh wounds. He was distant, cold and heartless at times but then there were the moments when i could see his pure heart. I held onto those moments and tried to continue with him. In our 4th month, he confessed he still had feelings for his ex and ended our relationship. It was a terrible heartbreak for me but i moved on and a month later, he came back to me telling me how he realised i was the one for him, that he would love me forever. He managed to gain me back. Actually, i should have ended us then, but i was so heartbroken that i needed him to stop it.
During the first year of our relationship, i tried to convince myself that he actually loves me. I would find his love letters to his ex in his place and small things that he had kept, then i would freak out. He always said he forgot to throw them out and what not, i knew he couln’t get rid of them. Again what i should have done was to leave but i couldn’t. I loved him very much. It was like an obssession. We had fights all the time, some of which got physical as well. Again i forgave him.( this is where i get really angry with myself).
After the third year, i stopped fighting for us. I ran out of things on the way and i decided to break up with him. He would go drinking heavily every night, do stupid things and take no responsibility. He is a foreigner in my country and his time was like he was on a vacation all the time. So we broke up, but he didn’t accept it. We were separate for 6 months and he never stopped messaging me one single day. After a while, i gave up and welcomed him in again. It was 2012. A horrible year. Although he said he never dated anyone when we were apart ( i didn’t expect him to do that though), and called me a whore in front of my friends because i dated a guy for 2 days, i found out that he had been in a relationship with a poor woman and he was trying to break up with her while we got back together. Again, i should have ended everything then but i was emotionally weak.
In 2013 we decided to live together to see if it would work. First year it was okay, but the second year his jealous and controlling character kicked in. He was so manipulative. I realised he was abusing me emotionally. He said nobody would ever love as much as he did, nobody would put up with me, things like that. But then, there were the times when he helped me out with my health problems, times when he supported me both emotionally and financially. I felt i owed him. However, i couldn’t get over the idea that i deserved a better relationship than that, i had breakup conversations with him in my head and i couldn’t stop the voices telling me that he was not the one for me. He knew how i felt and he was so scared to ask as he knew what i would say. I was the one who is distant and cold this time. So we kept pretending to have a normal life.
Then, in 2016 i was sent to work in a distant city by the government kind of mandatory service. He didn’t come with me, so i traveled back and forth. During this time i realised i was a better person without him, much happier, more optimistic, i felt alive. Thats when i made a big mistake. I met someone who was all into me and even though i thought nobody would be interested in me, that wasn’t true at all. I started seeing this man and he fell in love with me. I wanted to talked to my boyfriend( ex) about all going on but i didn’t know how i could without hurting him terribly. So i kept delaying the talk. Meanwhile, i was feeling terrible all the time and didn’t know what to do and how to tell him that I had been unfaithful to him.
Then one night i wrote him an email explaining everything. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything, i blocked him everywhere. The only way he could talk to me would be travel to where i was but he didn’t do it. I said i would pick my stuff up in summer and i didnt communicate with him for 8 months. What i did was terrible. I am still terribly in pain when i look back. He was devastated. He said he lost his trust in humankind and had nothing left to live for. I was-am in pain for the pain i caused. By the way, i stopped seeing that man afterwards. It wasn’t a big thing.
Then the summer came and i picked up my stuff. It was a difficult time. We didn’t see each other at all but when i walked into the house we lived together, i burst into tears but at the same time i felt relieved that finally it was over. That summer i went on a holiday with my sister and her husband. An old friend of theirs, who i also knew, joined us. We had a great time together and after the holiday, we kept seeing each other. It was like everyhing we went through was paving the way for each other. We built a strong relationship and a year later he proposed me and we got married 2 months ago. However, i can’t manage to forgive myself for the things i made my exboyfriend go through. I can’t enjoy life knowing he is out there still suffering. I got an email from him. He found out i got married and he is tremendously hurt. My heart aches constantly i thought time would heal everyhing but realise that it only makes it worse. Don’t know how to help him get over everything and how to forgive myself.
TL;DR I am trying to move on but the past mistakes are making my life miserable.
submitted by oppsuh to confessions [link] [comments]


2020.08.20 11:05 ExoticTerm Is He Hoovering Me With a Fake Profile?

In March my ex left me 10 days before I was to make a cross pacific move to be with him. To be fully honest I half halfheartedly did NC and joined this forum still pining away for him and praying that he would hoover me back into a relationship with him. Then after 3 months of lying awake every night I did the thing... I broke NC. I contacted my Narcissistic ex-boyfriend at the end of June on snapchat. It was a huge mistake- I felt like I'd never left the abuse cycle and cried my eyes out. After that day I felt horrible yet committed myself fully to No Contact.
Since then I left the "FOG" of the old relationship, started reading up on narcissistic abuse and how to heal, helped a friend get out of it with her narcissistic boyfriend, and even scored a date with a sweet normal guy! I'd say that I've had a very good 2 months since going full no contact. But then a couple of days ago a strange new person with a weird name started messaging me on snapchat (the app we last had contact on).
I honestly don't use the platform that often so I didn't know if it was normal to get random requests or not- but the way he was talking to me was, well- suspicious. I asked him several times if I knew him and he said no. That I was on his quick add and he thought I was "hot" so he followed me. My ex is blocked- but his way of writing was similar to my exes and also- derogatory.
He opened by asking me if I sold nudes (which I was offended by), then kept implying that I turned him on in a really gross manner. I don't like to outright tell people that they are being inappropriate because I don't like coming off as a jerk- but today after an especially inappropriate message I told the dude that he sounded immature and that he can lurk all he wants but not to expect me to do anything for him. I am going to block that account as soon as I know he's seen the message but- is this it? Is this the hoover that I was crying over for weeks? I can't be 100% certain that this is my exboyfriend but I have a gut feeling- and although I've ignored it in the past, I'm pretty sure it's right. But why would he go through ALL THE TROUBLE of making a fake snapchat account (with 0 snaps on it) to troll and devalue me? Is it because I'm moving on and he wants to "put me back in my place"?
Anyways, has anyone else here been hoovered by a fake account? Was it not to suck you back in but to devalue you more?
I don't know guys- help me out. What do you think about this situation?
submitted by ExoticTerm to NarcissisticAbuse [link] [comments]


2020.08.19 20:59 _kristinee My[F17] exboyfriend [M18] has started venting to me about his current girlfriend[F19] and is now overstepping boundaries

For some backstory, My ex and I dated around 2 years ago after I turned 15 and he was 16. We had a mutual breakup around the end of January of 2019 and ultimately decided to stay pretty close. More for his own personal reasons than my own, but I don't really mind.
Recently, he and I have been talking a little more as we've always been pretty on and off with talking. It's never anything serious, and always friendly, but he's been hiding the fact that he's talking to me from his girlfriend. When I unblocked him a few weeks ago, his girlfriend was initially fine with us talking but after he mentioned wanting to properly rekindle our friendship, she freaked out and told him to block me. I've never met her, so, I thought it was a little unfair towards me as I genuinely looked forward to meeting her as we had planned, but that obviously didn't happen. Since then he's been talking to me on Instagram, and he'll occasionally join voice channels I'm in with my friends on Discord, however, when I talk to him on Instagram he's been venting about his girlfriend more and more.
When I decided him and I were on better terms than we'd ever been, I told him I didn't want to hear anything about his relationship. I didn't want to be involved with their personal arguments, as with his last relationship he would tell me about arguments and deliberately ask me for my own personal opinion when I would repeatedly state I would rather not. Which, ultimately led to me blocking him for a few months. With his current relationship, he's started telling me how he doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship or make a comment about his girlfriend which indicates he isn't happy in his relationship. From my understanding, they've only been together for about a month, so, him not publicly being all happy lovey-dovey with her is just so strange to me.
After a few days of him making those comments or sending paragraph after paragraph about how he feels in his relationship, I overstepped my own boundaries that I placed and told him his girlfriend is toxic and that he needs to talk to her. I've told him to talk to her multiple times, but that was the first time I ever said she's toxic. After realising what I just said, I told him what I was saying was NOT me telling him to break up with her in any way shape, or form, but he still went to talk to her about it. It honestly didn't seem like they properly talked from the way he updated me, but I didn't even want to pry as I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.
Since then, he's been making more flirty "jokes" towards me. If he asks how my day has been so far, I'll respond pretty dryly, but he'll come back with "Maybe your day will be great, now that I'm here!" I'm already extremely uncomfortable, but I don't really know how to voice that. I know him just hiding the fact that he's talking to me is extremely bad in the first place, but I'm afraid he's starting to use that to his advantage. Considering all above, I don't think my fears are completely unreasonable. This wouldn't be the first time he's tried anything with me while in a relationship, but I shut it down immediately.
I'm not entirely sure how to go about this entire situation. It's seemingly getting worse as time goes on, and I honestly would rather not have to worry about romantic relationships, especially one that doesn't directly involve me at this moment in time.
TL;DR Exboyfriend's girlfriend doesn't know we're talking and has been venting about their relationship, and has started taking advantage of the fact his girlfriend is unaware.
submitted by _kristinee to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.08.17 21:36 rachupichu I'm kinda alone but I really want to share my story so far. Don't tell me it gets better - I know it will (or at least am hopeful enough that it will). I just wanted to share that's all.

I'm typing this up at like 3am so I know the writing is probably gross ahahahaahaha.
TW: a bit of everything. I'm so sorry.
20 F, engineering uni student
I was brought up in an unconventionally strict Chinese household - to many that brings to mind pressure to do well in school, but my family was a little different. Instead of studying well I was always pressured to do house chores and help cook foclean after my brothers. To this date, all grown adults, they still don't know how to cook because my mum and I do it for them. I started when I was 6 after my parents had told me that I was going to grow up to be someone's wife and until then I had to learn by taking care of my brothers. I wasn't allowed to go to birthday parties or see friends outside of school, so I didn't end up with many close friends and was often bullied.
My parents had a failed marriage. Typical case of domestic violence and my dad ended up going to jail for it after my mum had caught him cheating. Personally, I would've divorced him earlier.
My mum is a kind mother, though she doesn't have much common sense. My dad, however, is manipulative and always angry. One of my earliest memories of him was him shoving my frail mum onto an empty steel bed frame, and the verbal abuse. And him beating my brothers senseless if they laughed when he was having a bad mood.
After the divorce, I was whisked away by child protective services for a bit and my mum ended up with a restraining order. It lasted for almost a year until my dad convinced her to get rid of it. He told her she was a terrible mother for making it hard for the kids to see their own father. He told her how difficult we'd have it not knowing our dad. I was 5 when it all happened. And looking back, I think it was harder growing up with him as my dad. Whenever it was his fortnight for "contact time", he would take us to my Uncles' farm - and whilst he was off to meet his mistress, I was their ashtray. I only realised this a year ago when my ex-boyfriend asked me about the small circular scars on my knuckles and arm. I didn't have a word for it before but I do now - child abuse.
Somehow, I do love my dad but he's hurt me a lot, directly and indirectly.
In highschool, I was either at the top of my grade or fairly close until my health started to decline. My health has made tremendous progress since. But in highschool, only after repeatedly achieving epic results did my parents acknowledge me. Then shit happened between them and I was caught up in the middle of it. Most of the time it was verbal. They'd argue and cuss each other out. Sometimes it was physical. They'd make me choose sides. And a parent on each arm, they would tug-of-war me. I was 13, experienced my first crush, was in a group of friends for the first time and was elected for several leadership positions at school. Their bickering, verbal and increasingly physical fights started to really weigh down on me.
I had an extensive history of mental health issues (all clinically diagnosed) - an anxiety disorder with pretty bad panic attacks, extensive depressive episodes, ADD, over-stressing (which led to a stomach ulcer disease at age 14), an eating disorder, insomnia (caused by extreme nightmares), a crippling low self esteem and eventually a failing immune system due to the reasons above. I give the credit to my parent's failed marriage, some questionable parenting and a dash of childhood trauma.
After all their fighting, I was super suicidal and tried to take my life twice. Once by leaping out of a moving car, and then I tried to starve myself to death. In the end I gave up trying to kill myself because I knew how devastated my brothers were when they kept seeing me go off to the hospital. I did it for them and I don't regret it. Throughout highschool I was continually supported by my tutor, a nice Chinese lady with 3 sons of her own and a loving husband. They don't know about any of this, but they became my godparents/God family and in their own way gave me the courage to keep going. They celebrated my good grades, and encouraged me when I did poorly. They took me out to places and always told me how much they wished I was their real daughter. At times, I really wished I was too.
I graduated highschool. Tonnes of highschool drama throughout, but that was expected. I went to uni. I studied whilst working. I was threatened date-rape by a guy who wouldn't keep their hands off of me in a bar. I met creepy old men at work who kept trying to feel my hands up as I gave them their change. I was verbally abused by my boss for 10months before I quit due to the added dash of physical abuse. I made a few solid friends in uni who I'm honestly grateful for, but aren't ready to tell this all to. I fell in love with a guy who really did love me - for 3 months and eventually dumped me because he didn't one day. My dad threatened to kill my younger brother if he didn't do well in school and now they're estranged and they haven't talked in almost 3 years. My dad threatened to kill me for telling him not to smoke because of his heart condition and my asthma. My dad threatened to disown us all because we're ungrateful kids and my brothers didn't dress how he wanted them too. My dad called me a slut for dating my exboyfriend. My dad disowned me. A guy tried to rape me. My dad is now back and won't leave me alone now that he knows I'm earning a higher hourly wage than he is. My dad is back after my brother landed his graduate job and is working full-time. I don't know what we're at now, it's confusing.
Two weeks ago, my god mother passed away due to chemotherapy. She had been battling breast cancer for four years and I've spent the past two weeks crying on sidewalks, in carparks, in parks, in small corners at uni and work, and in bed.
I knew she was sick and wouldn't have made it past this year but I didn't realise just how soon it would be. Due to Covid-19, I didn't see her regularly since I would've been a danger to her already failing immune system. I saw her 3 weeks before she passed. She was crying about how much pain she was in and how scared of dying she was. That was the first time she had ever cried in front of me and my heart broke. She told me she needed me to help keep her family together when she passed away since she was their glue. I'm trying but it's honestly a lot. I don't know how I'm meant to help them when I can't even help myself.
I'm not doing too well right now haha
I've been spending a lot of time thinking about her. I really miss her and I'm feeling really lost. I've been unable to study the past few weeks and exams and assignment are coming up. I'm stressed as hell but here I am writing this post before the light of dawn has even cracked through my side of the world.
I'm not looking for advice or any words of consolation. I think I just wanted to tell someone (hi internet) but I currently don't want to go through all these words with someone right now.
Anways, sorry for the long read. Obviously this isn't everything bad or good that's ever happened to me but this would be considered a thicc TLDR.
I hope you're doing okay.
submitted by rachupichu to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2020.08.13 18:17 Ninorovi I know some people got worse life than me but here's my story anyways

From a young age i have had depression mostly caused by family issues, my father abandoned me when i was little (3-4 years old), my mom was only 20 year olds when she had me, so most of the members of my family turned their back on her, even her sister rejected her, one time she needed money to buy some baby stuff for me, and she asked her sister, and she replied with something like "i can't lend u money cause u don't have nothing you can use to pay me" so for that reason i was raised with this concept (i would say) of not trusting anyone, not even my own family, you don't know whose gonna turn their back to you when you need them the most, so basically the only person i have had is my mother, and even if she's the only one i have, we don't really have a good mother - son relationship, we only talk to each other when we need to, this is mostly because we didn't spend too much time together when i was little, since she had to work for me, etc. (Srry if i bothered you with this backstory) anyway, my real problem started when i started dating, all my girlfriends have dumped me, leaving me for others persons or just lying to me, dating other guys, or talking to other guys just so that they could leave me, and it has been a really horrible feeling, since they have abandoned me just like my dad and my family did, anyway, along this way that life is, i found a girl, she actually was a really old friend of mine, i knew her since i was 12 years old when my problems started, she told me she was in love with me at that time, and i didn't believe her 'cause at that time i barely knew anything of her, and so did she about me; the thing is that for a long time we just stayed friends, she really helped me when i was depressed, she helped me when i had to move to another city and start a new live on college (she didn't move with me, she was in highschool by that time), when i started college i couldn't make any friends, so she was the only one i had, she had a boyfriend at that time too, but she still helped me when i needed. Anyway, she dumped her boyfriend 4 month later, and i helped her with her problems (she also had family issues that i have tried to help her with these last years) so we started talking more with each other, and i told her that i loved her, and i wanted to have a relationship with her, she said yes, by that time i felt really happy, i was doing well in college and i had this amazing person with me so who could have stopped me?, then 1 month later we decided to go out with some friends, drink beers, etc. she told me she wants to go, but she would go a little bit later since she had to help her friend or something like that, anyway, i didn't pay much attention to that, the thing is that later that day, it was a bit pass the time she said she was going to be going to the place we were, so i was worried, since she wasn't answering my calls neither, an hour later, my friend told me that he tried to called her and the one who answered the phone was her exboyfriend, so found out that she spent the night with him, the feeling that came with that new was worse than anything i have ever felt before, afterall she knew all my insecurities, thoughts and experiences with cheating, i felt really bad, i spent the whole summer feeling depressed, so that's the reason i can't trust anyone, i don't believe in love, i'm studying a career that i didn't wanted to study (i wanted to study art), and all because the same family that have made my life miserable doesn't accept art as a job or a career, my bestfriend is talkin to an exgirlfriend of mine (someone that really hurted me), and i asked him if he was talking to her, the only thing he replied was "no, i wouldn't do that", but he doesn't know that some days ago i found (by mistake) a conversation of him with her, where both of them were being all flirtatious, with hots kindof messages.
And that's it, i can't trust anyone, i can't believe in love neither, i don't really have anything to live for, the only reason i haven't killed myself is because i can't do that to my mom, she is the only thing that i have left, i can't do that to her after all she has been trough.
Sorry if it was too long i needed to take it off my chest, i know it seems like a novel or some fictional story, but unfortunately that's how my life has been since long years ago. And sorry if u can't understand some parts, english is not my native language.
submitted by Ninorovi to sad [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 04:02 ThrowRA-insecurity I (20F) can’t believe I’m good enough for him (24M) and its ruin our relationship

Firstly, i want to apologise for my english, not my native language. Secondly, i know its not that real dilemma like other people problems here, but I’m a little helpless. I dont want to complain to friends or relatives, and absolutely dont want to make my boyfriend crazy with this, so I decided to give it a try here.
Our relationship started when I broke up with my exboyfriend. We were friends before, but not so close. So after when I become single again we started to speak so much more, and everything just happend really fast. During the first date we found out how similar we are, and enjoy time spent together. This is still unchanged, i think our relationship is nearly perfect except one thing: sometimes I go crazy for no reason. You should know about me I’ve always had low self-esteem and I’m very jealous. The result of our early friendship i know some information and stories about girls before me, and what kind of girls he find attractive ect. Its ok as a friend, but as a girlfriend I’m not sure I want to remember these things. It follows my problem, I cant move on. I thought it will pass soon, but I still torture myself with these memories and overthinking it. He is not good with shows emotion, so my biggest fear is I’m not good enough for him. We didn’t dating so much, starting was so fast, and I’m not sure he really want me or just be with me because there is no one else and got me so easily. There is always a quarrel when I mention it, so I decided to “suffering quietly”, and waiting for dont bother me anymore. However after one year I’m still thinking about it, made myself constantly sad or mad and hurt my boyfriend for no reason. I’m afraid of I will ruin our relationship in the end.
So please can someone give advices how can I clear my mind or move on, because sometimes I thought I will go crazy. Thank you.
submitted by ThrowRA-insecurity to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.22 15:34 warnoldyo If you end a relationship because the other person was crazy, and jump into another relationship, you put that third party in danger.

Not meant as an attack, just a realization after watching too many crime investigations on YouTube and Netflix. In that nervous state when you watch uncomfortable documentaries, I would see many cases where I think back to a woman I dated and ended relationship because she was a bit “crazy”. After she yelled at a few five or six year olds at an Arby’s for bumping into her in a intimidating way, I ended it. That was like 18 years ago. I’ve been married for ten years and never had an issue with that woman I dated before. But watching this stuff makes me think if that woman came and killed my wife, I would feel like the biggest asshole in the world. My wife would have been 100% innocent. The responsibility would be on me I feel. Not trying to say I think the woman I dated is a killer by any means, just a hypothetical thought. If you find you are in a relationship with a obsessive crazy person, good luck, and be careful with your next relationship. If you love them, be honest about your crazy person past. They maybe are more safe knowing or maybe don’t want anything to do with that drama in the first place.
Me: I love you
Her: I love you, My jealous MMA fighter exboyfriend gets out of jail next week, we can tell him together!
Me:...
submitted by warnoldyo to unpopularopinion [link] [comments]


2020.07.18 03:37 catzilla_211 friends exboyfriend is lying that we slept together

So i’ve recently come in a situation. Backstory is i had a best friend who was dating a guy who was really not good to her. We were all three friends and the two of them were my only friends at one point (my friend and have been friends for around 7 years. i became closer friends with her boyfriend around a year and half ago). Eventually after breaking up and getting back together many times they were done for good. She told me that it was okay if i stayed friends with him and i first did but after realizing that he was a shit person, i cut off the ties with his friendship. Recently i get a call from my friend asking if i had ever slept with him and i said no because i never did. and she was telling me that several people came up to her telling her that i did and that he confirmed it himself (this guy has been known to be a compulsive liar and we caught him many times in lies). Someone contacts me telling me they have video evidence of me going to his house and leaving without my friend knowing. i didn’t deny this because yes, i did go to his house to buy him beer and nicotine (i was 21 at the time, 22 now, he wasnt) and every time i went over there i would tell my friend that i was. however, i never slept with, nor thought to ever even sleep with him. I apologized to her so many times about how i regret staying friends with him as long as a did, and that i was so conflicted because she had told me it was okay but deep down i felt so bad. She doesn’t believe me and i’m so at lost for what to do. my reputation has been ruined amongst my friends by a big lie. I feel so helpless and down. I should also mention i have a feeling this is happening because i had a skateboard that i refused to give back because he owes me money. I returned the skateboard and i just want the truth to come out because no one believes me. Help
tl;dr : my friends exboyfriend is lying saying he slept with me and it never happened.
submitted by catzilla_211 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.07.14 16:53 DreamedUp My ex outed me to all his friends over a Tweet

So I (F21) had (yes, HAD) a public twitter account. It wasn’t connected to my real name, it didn’t show my face, maybe a small handful of people knew who I was on there but not very many. Since breaking it off with my exboyfriend (M21) about 8 months ago, we stayed friends. We talked often and joked around but it was very clear that neither of us were interested in returning to dating. I had figured out I am lesbian which was the main reason for our breakup, but I never told him.
Now, I know this was wrong of me, but I may have poked fun of him and a number of my other exes on Twitter. I always simply called them “this guy I dated” or “my ex” but then told some funny story about them. I thought it was all in good fun since none of them have a Twitter account and nobody knew it was about them and they probably wouldn’t know it was about them if they saw it anyway.
Turns out I was wrong about that one. Somehow my exboyfriend found my Twitter. I have no idea how that happened but that’s not what matters. He saw a couple of Tweets that poked fun of him and saw that I am openly gay on Twitter. He messaged me calling me petty and stupid and other such pleasantries and has now told EVERYONE he knows that I’m gay. I had maybe told 3 or 4 friends at this point, but now practically EVERYBODY he knows, knows.
My family is fairly homophobic so I’m just hoping that he doesn’t tell them. I know it was mean to make fun of him on Twitter but is ruining my life really fair?
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2020.07.14 16:31 DreamedUp My ex found my Twitter, now everyone knows I’m gay

So I (F21) had (yes, HAD) a public twitter account. It wasn’t connected to my real name, it didn’t show my face, maybe a small handful of people knew who I was on there but not very many. Since breaking it off with my exboyfriend (M21) about 8 months ago, we stayed friends. We talked often and joked around but it was very clear that neither of us were interested in returning to dating. I had figured out I am lesbian which was the main reason for our breakup, but I never told him.
Now, I know this was wrong of me, but I may have poked fun of him and a number of my other exes on Twitter. I always simply called them “this guy I dated” or “my ex” but then told some funny story about them. I thought it was all in good fun since none of them have a Twitter account and nobody knew it was about them and they probably wouldn’t know it was about them if they saw it anyway.
Turns out I was wrong about that one. Somehow my exboyfriend found my Twitter. I have no idea how that happened but that’s not what matters. He saw a couple of Tweets that poked fun of him and saw that I am openly gay on Twitter. He messaged me calling me petty and stupid and other such pleasantries and has now told EVERYONE he knows that I’m gay. I had maybe told 3 or 4 friends at this point, but now practically EVERYBODY he knows, knows.
My family is fairly homophobic so I’m just hoping that he doesn’t tell them. I know it was mean to make fun of him on Twitter but is ruining my life really fair?
submitted by DreamedUp to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.07.12 13:15 BedazzledBanana Happy breakup anniversary

This is a letter I wrote to my exboyfriend but I think all of us can agree that it’s better that I avoid contacting him.


Happy breakup anniversary to us. I’m fairly certain that’s not a thing, which sane person would keep track of their breakup or their misery? It’s been a year already huh, like what they say, time sure do fly fast.
A lot has happened since we broke up. I have been focusing on myself a lot and I did manage to achieve a lot of things over the year. I’m proud of myself but sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing those things as a distraction from this emptiness or loneliness. It beats sitting idly and thinking about you all the time.
I have been trying to get into the dating game again. I dated a couple of guys here and there but most of them are idiots really. There was this guy, he was so bad, he was dating me because I have a stable and promising career. He even said “You have a good and stable job, you’re the kind of person I wanna be with”. For most of our dates, he expected me to pay and became passive aggressive when I said we should split the bills.
The other guys I dated were just fine but really boring. I couldn’t connect with them and I wasn’t sure if it’s because most of the time I’m thinking about you and whether these guys are a replica of you. I wish I can stop trying to looking for a replacement but hey, I spent 5 years of my life with you. We were each other’s first love. I should stop trying to romanticise it.
I’m currently in the midst of doing my reservist, yea it’s insane to be doing that during this pandemic but hey, I have no say in that. There’s this guy in the class and he is pretty cute. He is a lawyer and works in the same office district I am, literally across my office. I had a chat about him with Sam and he said, he looks a lot like your exboyfriend doesn’t he? Oh wells. And also, he’s straight, we all know it never ends well for a gay guy to chase after a straight guy.
I don’t know if I have moved on from you or I am just really lonely. I no longer cry about you but I do miss our interactions. I miss having late night phone calls with you talking about our days and so on. Staying indoors has been tough, I have limited interactions with people and I guess it makes me feel really lonely. I’me excited for life to get back to normal so I can continue trying to date more people again.
I wonder if you think about me just as much as I think about you. It’s impossible not to think about you really. Every single place or word I go or come across will jolt memories of the past. Whenever those memories pop in my head, I try to acknowledge those period and those feelings and be grateful for those moments and let those thoughts naturally slide away. I’m not certain if that’s the most ideal way to handles things but I took that from the meditation practice I have been doing.
Anyway, I do miss you, interacting with you at least. I do hope we can still hangout someday, grab a coffee and just have a chat like we always do.
submitted by BedazzledBanana to ExNoContact [link] [comments]


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