Speed dating em Denver

DENVER SINGLES - THIS GROUP IS FOR YOU!!! Come have a fun night out meeting face-to-face for fun nights of speed dating - secretly decide after the event who you want to see again for real dates in order to find the right person for you! VERY low pressure and FUN, FUN, FUN!!! If you are looking for fun singles events and activities in Denver and metro area then you are in the right place. Our events are designed to bring together fun and active singles in a safe and relaxed environment. Come join us for a Video Happy Hour, Online Mixer or Video Speed Dating event and make some new connections. Share Denver Video Speed Dating - Filter Off with your friends. Save Denver Video Speed Dating - Filter Off to your collection. Fri, Oct 9, 8:00 PM + 19 more events sophisticated simplicity. Our in-person speed dating events, virtual speed dating events and matchmaking services offer fresh alternatives for Denver singles. Whether you’re looking for a night out with fellow singles, prefer a night in with our virtual events or find one-on-one matchmaking to be your cup of tea, we bring just the right amount of flirty to suit any need. Cost: Free to $5 per event. Speed Dating Denver and Boulder Speed Dating Denver and Boulder Speed Dating Denver and Boulder Speed Dating Community support makes a difference - Reviews on Speed Dating in Denver, CO - Speed Dating Denver, Monday at 8, Mile High Singles, Kimpton Hotel Monaco Denver, K1 Speed Lovebug Speed Dating, 1433 17th Street, Denver, CO 80202, United States 720.909.8555 [email protected] ... Virtual Speed Dating - September 26th 2020. Ages: 25-39 7PM **Fall Special** Early Bird Admission - Ends 9/21 $26.75 **Fall Special** Regular Admission $28.75 Eventbrite - Relish Dating presents Denver Virtual Speed Dating Denver Relish Singles Singles Events - Wednesday, October 21, 2020 at Virtual Speed Dating, Denver, CO. Find event and ticket information. Denver Speed Dating Events Schedule: Other Cities: Click the 'Buy Now' button for the Denver speed dating event you would like to attend. See Payment Methods for more details. Please read the Information Regarding Age Groups, Cancellation Policy and Free Pass Policy HERE. � If you have any problems signing up for an event, please email ...

17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

2020.04.04 20:01 Mythical_Ludwig 17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

Hello there! I hope you're having a lovely day :)
- playlist idea So, I thought this would be a fun way to get to know each other or just a fun way to discover new music: so, we choose our top 10+ songs and then we add them to a favorite's playlist in an alphabetical and greatest to least fashion(don't have Spotify? well, give me the name of the songs and I'll listen to them and add em or I'll make the playlist public if that's a thing and you can add them by yourself). and while we're doing that we can just talk about life or talk about our interests to learn more about each other. so, if this sounds like fun to you feel free to hmu for my discord or I can add you and then will hop into a VC and work on the playlist together.
- What I'm looking for: I'm looking to make some gaming/ music friends. Preferably To talk to on a daily basis and spend afternoons/evenings learning about each other, discussing music, sharing music, watching music videos together, having karaoke nights, playing the guessing game, singing, dancing, creating playlists, writing music, and playing video games together, etc.
About me
Gaming:
I only play on ps4 and I'm just looking for other people who love playing star wars battlefront 2 & Titanfall2 but I also play/ have installed: need for speed heat, borderlands 3, Minecraft, Destiny 2 shadow keep, steep, dark souls 3, bloodborne, injustice 2, the division 2, call of duty warzone, and Apex Legends, etc. if ur interested: PSN: DJ_MonsterKat or comment ur psn down below and I'll add you.
Fun fact: Did you know that apex and titanfall 2 are set in the same universe?
IMPORTANT: About my Voice: if we hop into a vc or a ps party and I sound tired, high, or talk slowly it's not because I actually am. My headset mic has a 0.1or higher second delay so, for instance, read this slowly: example A: I Don't sound like this. Then read this in your normal voice: Example B: I Sound like this. so, the conclusion is that IRL I sound like example B(I talk fast) while over mic I sound like Example A.( I talk slow) so, I hope you understand now. Also, I'll be getting a new headset soon so, hopefully, that'll help or if it doesn't I'll just get a standalone mic at a later date. Probably around my birthday which is soon.
About me
Music: I'm more of an EDM/ Rap/ hip hop/ pop music/ soul music kinda guy but as the title says I'm open to all types of music.
an interesting fact about me: I currently have 544 songs on my Spotify playlist that I've discovered through watching twitch streamers Lirik, Xqc, Timthetatman, and Sodapoppin, etc. also by listening to various playlists on Spotify which include: today top hits, chill edm, mrsucidesheep favs, official lirik playlist, universal music and monstercat favs, etc. and also going to the doctors lol.
Here are some of my fav artists on Spotify and I've split them into categories to make them easier to find and read.[ - 1. EDM, - 2. Rap,- 3. Pop Music/Soul Music, -4. Pop-Rock Music, -5. Hip Hop, -6. Indie Rock, -7. Alternative R&B/other, -8. I Also Like Listening to, -9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/Nursery Rhyme Playlist/Other, and -10. 60's -2020 artists/ songs I love, etc.][ scroll Down below to find Music genres/ songs 1-10]
- 1. EDM
• Monstercat(my all-time favorite)
• Said the sky
• Missio
• Marshmello
• Avicii
• Brvthr
• Dabin
• Lucian
• Flume
• Odesza
• Alison wonderland
• Meadows
• Dimond saints
• Michl
• Lost frequencies
• Mitis
• Embody
• San Holo
• Flux Pavillion
• Daft Punk
•Gryffin
• Alan walker
• Galantis
• Seven lions
• Kygo
• kyary pamyu pamyu
• Martin garrix
• Illienum
• Lauv
• Eden/project
• FRND
• The Chainsmokers
• Ella Vos
• Kaskade
• Major Lazer
•Allie x
• Jessica Hart
• The fat rat
•The weekend
• And DJ snake, etc.
- 2. Rap:
• Blackbear
•Bryce Vince
• Russ
• Drake
• Logic
• G - Easy
• Kanye west
• Eminem
• Post-Malone
• Future
• Roddy ricch
• Jedi mind tricks
• And Rae sremmurd, etc.
- 3. Pop Music/Soul music:
• Sia
• Billie Eilish
• Fergie
• Ali gatie
• Lewis Capaldi
• Bruno mars
• Ylvis
• Coldplay
• Jason Derulo
• Jessie j
• Luckas graham
• Imagine dragons
• And Usher, etc.
- 4. Pop-Rock Music:
• Bastille
• Mumford & sons
• Nick Jonas
• Twenty-one pilots
• and Oh wonder, etc.
- 5. Hip-Hop:
• Rihanna
• Chris brown
• Frank ocean
• Flo Rida
• And Wiz Khalifa, etc.
- 6. Indie Rock Music:
• Lord Huron
• Hozier
• And novo amor, etc.
- 7. Alternative R&B/Other:
• Katie Garfield
• Jp saxe
• Jetta
• Gnash
- 8. I Also Like Listening to
• Demi Lovato
• Madeon(Recently found out about This artist)
• LVNDSCAPE(Recently found out about This artist)
• Mike perry(Recently found out about This artist)
• Jubel(Recently found out about This artist)
• sam feldt
• shallou
• Slander
• Hasley
• Kesha
• Nicki minaj
• Justin Beiber
• Riell
• Lorde
• gym class heroes
• And Gavin DeGraw, etc.
- 9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/ Nursery Rhyme playlist/Other:
Spotify playlists:
• Monstercat - favs/ Monstercat unchanged Vol. 1
• Destiny 2 ost
• Halo 3 ost
• Bloodborne ost
• Dark souls 3 ost
• Transistor ost
• Rocket league soundtrack( complete ost)
• Just shapes & beats ost
• Star Wars soundtrack
•Christmas hits
• 2010 -2020 top hits
• Universal Music playlist
• Hans Zimmer soundtrack( interstella inception)
• Jurassic park soundtrack
• The Avengers soundtrack
• favsMrsucidesheep
• Chill EDM playlist
• full metal alchemist brotherhood ost
• Naruto Shippuden ost
• Mulan ost(I'll make a man outta you/ music video)
• And the little sunshine kids playlist( one of my Favs: Hush, little baby), etc.
- 10. 60's - 2020 artists/ songs I love:
• Rick Astley(never gonna give you up never gonna let you down)
• Fergie(Glamorous)
• Lil Naz X(The old town Road)
• John Denver( take me home country roads)
• M83(Outro/Midnight city)
• Johnny cash(Hurt)
• Sia( cheap thrills/ chandelie titanium/ the greatest)
• Rihanna( ya da one/ we found love/ umbrella/ work)
• Lady Gaga( Bad romance/ just dance)
• Soulja boy( crank that)
• Chris Brown( don't wake me up)
• usher( DJ got us fallin in love again/climax/ scream/yeah!)
• Jason Derulo(watcha say/ Ridin solo/ in my head)
• Taio Cruz( Dynamite)
• Swedish house mafia( don't you worry child)
• Europe(The final countdown)
• Toby Keith(Red solo cup)
• Reill(Stubborn)
• Venga boys( boom, boom, boom, boom)
• Katy perry(E.T/ dark horse/ California gurls/ part of me/ roa)
• Luis Fonsi(Despacito)
• The black-eyed peas(I gotta feeling)
• Shakira(Waka waka)
• Carly rae jenpsen(call me maybe)
• Sam Smith(Stay with me)
• kyary pamyu pamyu(PONPONPON)
• Train(hey, soul sister),
• Bruno mars(just the way you are/ it will rain/ nothin on you)
• daft punk(get lucky/one more time/ harder, better, faster, stronge instant crush)
• Jessie j(nobody's perfect/domino)
• Adele( hello/ set fire to the rain/ someone like you)
• And cee lo green(Fuck you), etc.
A little more about me: I love making wacky voices so if I sound like an old man or Mario, etc. Don't be surprised.
So, if this sparked an interest feel free to hmu on here or discord(HMU for my discord tag if ur interested or comment ur tag below and I'll add you) and I'd prefer to VC on discord or chat in a ps party for our first convo because I feel its more fun that way but we don't have too. But if you want to I'd suggest reading the part about my voice in the about me gaming section up top before pulling the trigger.
submitted by Mythical_Ludwig to MeetPeople [link] [comments]


2020.04.04 20:00 Mythical_Ludwig 17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

Hello there! I hope you're having a lovely day :)
- playlist idea So, I thought this would be a fun way to get to know each other or just a fun way to discover new music: so, we choose our top 10+ songs and then we add them to a favorite's playlist in an alphabetical and greatest to least fashion(don't have Spotify? well, give me the name of the songs and I'll listen to them and add em or I'll make the playlist public if that's a thing and you can add them by yourself). and while we're doing that we can just talk about life or talk about our interests to learn more about each other. so, if this sounds like fun to you feel free to hmu for my discord or I can add you and then will hop into a VC and work on the playlist together.
- What I'm looking for: I'm looking to make some gaming/ music friends. Preferably To talk to on a daily basis and spend afternoons/evenings learning about each other, discussing music, sharing music, watching music videos together, having karaoke nights, playing the guessing game, singing, dancing, creating playlists, writing music, and playing video games together, etc.
About me
Gaming:
I only play on ps4 and I'm just looking for other people who love playing star wars battlefront 2 & Titanfall2 but I also play/ have installed: need for speed heat, borderlands 3, Minecraft, Destiny 2 shadow keep, steep, dark souls 3, bloodborne, injustice 2, the division 2, call of duty warzone, and Apex Legends, etc. if ur interested: PSN: DJ_MonsterKat or comment ur psn down below and I'll add you.
Fun fact: Did you know that apex and titanfall 2 are set in the same universe?
IMPORTANT: About my Voice: if we hop into a vc or a ps party and I sound tired, high, or talk slowly it's not because I actually am. My headset mic has a 0.1or higher second delay so, for instance, read this slowly: example A: I Don't sound like this. Then read this in your normal voice: Example B: I Sound like this. so, the conclusion is that IRL I sound like example B(I talk fast) while over mic I sound like Example A.( I talk slow) so, I hope you understand now. Also, I'll be getting a new headset soon so, hopefully, that'll help or if it doesn't I'll just get a standalone mic at a later date. Probably around my birthday which is soon.
About me
Music: I'm more of an EDM/ Rap/ hip hop/ pop music/ soul music kinda guy but as the title says I'm open to all types of music.
an interesting fact about me: I currently have 544 songs on my Spotify playlist that I've discovered through watching twitch streamers Lirik, Xqc, Timthetatman, and Sodapoppin, etc. also by listening to various playlists on Spotify which include: today top hits, chill edm, mrsucidesheep favs, official lirik playlist, universal music and monstercat favs, etc. and also going to the doctors lol.
Here are some of my fav artists on Spotify and I've split them into categories to make them easier to find and read.[ - 1. EDM, - 2. Rap,- 3. Pop Music/Soul Music, -4. Pop-Rock Music, -5. Hip Hop, -6. Indie Rock, -7. Alternative R&B/other, -8. I Also Like Listening to, -9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/Nursery Rhyme Playlist/Other, and -10. 60's -2020 artists/ songs I love, etc.][ scroll Down below to find Music genres/ songs 1-10]
- 1. EDM
• Monstercat(my all-time favorite)
• Said the sky
• Missio
• Marshmello
• Avicii
• Brvthr
• Dabin
• Lucian
• Flume
• Odesza
• Alison wonderland
• Meadows
• Dimond saints
• Michl
• Lost frequencies
• Mitis
• Embody
• San Holo
• Flux Pavillion
• Daft Punk
•Gryffin
• Alan walker
• Galantis
• Seven lions
• Kygo
• kyary pamyu pamyu
• Martin garrix
• Illienum
• Lauv
• Eden/project
• FRND
• The Chainsmokers
• Ella Vos
• Kaskade
• Major Lazer
•Allie x
• Jessica Hart
• The fat rat
•The weekend
• And DJ snake, etc.
- 2. Rap:
• Blackbear
•Bryce Vince
• Russ
• Drake
• Logic
• G - Easy
• Kanye west
• Eminem
• Post-Malone
• Future
• Roddy ricch
• Jedi mind tricks
• And Rae sremmurd, etc.
- 3. Pop Music/Soul music:
• Sia
• Billie Eilish
• Fergie
• Ali gatie
• Lewis Capaldi
• Bruno mars
• Ylvis
• Coldplay
• Jason Derulo
• Jessie j
• Luckas graham
• Imagine dragons
• And Usher, etc.
- 4. Pop-Rock Music:
• Bastille
• Mumford & sons
• Nick Jonas
• Twenty-one pilots
• and Oh wonder, etc.
- 5. Hip-Hop:
• Rihanna
• Chris brown
• Frank ocean
• Flo Rida
• And Wiz Khalifa, etc.
- 6. Indie Rock Music:
• Lord Huron
• Hozier
• And novo amor, etc.
- 7. Alternative R&B/Other:
• Katie Garfield
• Jp saxe
• Jetta
• Gnash
- 8. I Also Like Listening to
• Demi Lovato
• Madeon(Recently found out about This artist)
• LVNDSCAPE(Recently found out about This artist)
• Mike perry(Recently found out about This artist)
• Jubel(Recently found out about This artist)
• sam feldt
• shallou
• Slander
• Hasley
• Kesha
• Nicki minaj
• Justin Beiber
• Riell
• Lorde
• gym class heroes
• And Gavin DeGraw, etc.
- 9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/ Nursery Rhyme playlist/Other:
Spotify playlists:
• Monstercat - favs/ Monstercat unchanged Vol. 1
• Destiny 2 ost
• Halo 3 ost
• Bloodborne ost
• Dark souls 3 ost
• Transistor ost
• Rocket league soundtrack( complete ost)
• Just shapes & beats ost
• Star Wars soundtrack
•Christmas hits
• 2010 -2020 top hits
• Universal Music playlist
• Hans Zimmer soundtrack( interstella inception)
• Jurassic park soundtrack
• The Avengers soundtrack
• favsMrsucidesheep
• Chill EDM playlist
• full metal alchemist brotherhood ost
• Naruto Shippuden ost
• Mulan ost(I'll make a man outta you/ music video)
• And the little sunshine kids playlist( one of my Favs: Hush, little baby), etc.
- 10. 60's - 2020 artists/ songs I love:
• Rick Astley(never gonna give you up never gonna let you down)
• Fergie(Glamorous)
• Lil Naz X(The old town Road)
• John Denver( take me home country roads)
• M83(Outro/Midnight city)
• Johnny cash(Hurt)
• Sia( cheap thrills/ chandelie titanium/ the greatest)
• Rihanna( ya da one/ we found love/ umbrella/ work)
• Lady Gaga( Bad romance/ just dance)
• Soulja boy( crank that)
• Chris Brown( don't wake me up)
• usher( DJ got us fallin in love again/climax/ scream/yeah!)
• Jason Derulo(watcha say/ Ridin solo/ in my head)
• Taio Cruz( Dynamite)
• Swedish house mafia( don't you worry child)
• Europe(The final countdown)
• Toby Keith(Red solo cup)
• Reill(Stubborn)
• Venga boys( boom, boom, boom, boom)
• Katy perry(E.T/ dark horse/ California gurls/ part of me/ roa)
• Luis Fonsi(Despacito)
• The black-eyed peas(I gotta feeling)
• Shakira(Waka waka)
• Carly rae jenpsen(call me maybe)
• Sam Smith(Stay with me)
• kyary pamyu pamyu(PONPONPON)
• Train(hey, soul sister),
• Bruno mars(just the way you are/ it will rain/ nothin on you)
• daft punk(get lucky/one more time/ harder, better, faster, stronge instant crush)
• Jessie j(nobody's perfect/domino)
• Adele( hello/ set fire to the rain/ someone like you)
• And cee lo green(Fuck you), etc.
A little more about me: I love making wacky voices so if I sound like an old man or Mario, etc. Don't be surprised.
Other Hobbies/Interests: Tv shows, Movies, animes, Food, Memes, technology, fashion, learning, reading books, animals, and meeting new ppl, etc.
So, if this sparked an interest feel free to hmu on here or discord(HMU for my discord tag if ur interested or comment ur tag below and I'll add you) and I'd prefer to VC on discord or chat in a ps party for our first convo because I feel its more fun that way but we don't have too. But if you want to I'd suggest reading the part about my voice in the about me gaming section up top before pulling the trigger.
submitted by Mythical_Ludwig to InternetFriends [link] [comments]


2020.04.04 20:00 Mythical_Ludwig 17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

Hello there! I hope you're having a lovely day :)
- playlist idea So, I thought this would be a fun way to get to know each other or just a fun way to discover new music: so, we choose our top 10+ songs and then we add them to a favorite's playlist in an alphabetical and greatest to least fashion(don't have Spotify? well, give me the name of the songs and I'll listen to them and add em or I'll make the playlist public if that's a thing and you can add them by yourself). and while we're doing that we can just talk about life or talk about our interests to learn more about each other. so, if this sounds like fun to you feel free to hmu for my discord or I can add you and then will hop into a VC and work on the playlist together.
- What I'm looking for: I'm looking to make some gaming/ music friends. Preferably To talk to on a daily basis and spend afternoons/evenings learning about each other, discussing music, sharing music, watching music videos together, having karaoke nights, playing the guessing game, singing, dancing, creating playlists, writing music, and playing video games together, etc.
About me
Gaming:
I only play on ps4 and I'm just looking for other people who love playing star wars battlefront 2 & Titanfall2 but I also play/ have installed: need for speed heat, borderlands 3, Minecraft, Destiny 2 shadow keep, steep, dark souls 3, bloodborne, injustice 2, the division 2, call of duty warzone, and Apex Legends, etc. if ur interested: PSN: DJ_MonsterKat or comment ur psn down below and I'll add you.
Fun fact: Did you know that apex and titanfall 2 are set in the same universe?
IMPORTANT: About my Voice: if we hop into a vc or a ps party and I sound tired, high, or talk slowly it's not because I actually am. My headset mic has a 0.1or higher second delay so, for instance, read this slowly: example A: I Don't sound like this. Then read this in your normal voice: Example B: I Sound like this. so, the conclusion is that IRL I sound like example B(I talk fast) while over mic I sound like Example A.( I talk slow) so, I hope you understand now. Also, I'll be getting a new headset soon so, hopefully, that'll help or if it doesn't I'll just get a standalone mic at a later date. Probably around my birthday which is soon.
About me
Music: I'm more of an EDM/ Rap/ hip hop/ pop music/ soul music kinda guy but as the title says I'm open to all types of music.
an interesting fact about me: I currently have 544 songs on my Spotify playlist that I've discovered through watching twitch streamers Lirik, Xqc, Timthetatman, and Sodapoppin, etc. also by listening to various playlists on Spotify which include: today top hits, chill edm, mrsucidesheep favs, official lirik playlist, universal music and monstercat favs, etc. and also going to the doctors lol.
Here are some of my fav artists on Spotify and I've split them into categories to make them easier to find and read.[ - 1. EDM, - 2. Rap,- 3. Pop Music/Soul Music, -4. Pop-Rock Music, -5. Hip Hop, -6. Indie Rock, -7. Alternative R&B/other, -8. I Also Like Listening to, -9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/Nursery Rhyme Playlist/Other, and -10. 60's -2020 artists/ songs I love, etc.][ scroll Down below to find Music genres/ songs 1-10]
- 1. EDM
• Monstercat(my all-time favorite)
• Said the sky
• Missio
• Marshmello
• Avicii
• Brvthr
• Dabin
• Lucian
• Flume
• Odesza
• Alison wonderland
• Meadows
• Dimond saints
• Michl
• Lost frequencies
• Mitis
• Embody
• San Holo
• Flux Pavillion
• Daft Punk
•Gryffin
• Alan walker
• Galantis
• Seven lions
• Kygo
• kyary pamyu pamyu
• Martin garrix
• Illienum
• Lauv
• Eden/project
• FRND
• The Chainsmokers
• Ella Vos
• Kaskade
• Major Lazer
•Allie x
• Jessica Hart
• The fat rat
•The weekend
• And DJ snake, etc.
- 2. Rap:
• Blackbear
•Bryce Vince
• Russ
• Drake
• Logic
• G - Easy
• Kanye west
• Eminem
• Post-Malone
• Future
• Roddy ricch
• Jedi mind tricks
• And Rae sremmurd, etc.
- 3. Pop Music/Soul music:
• Sia
• Billie Eilish
• Fergie
• Ali gatie
• Lewis Capaldi
• Bruno mars
• Ylvis
• Coldplay
• Jason Derulo
• Jessie j
• Luckas graham
• Imagine dragons
• And Usher, etc.
- 4. Pop-Rock Music:
• Bastille
• Mumford & sons
• Nick Jonas
• Twenty-one pilots
• and Oh wonder, etc.
- 5. Hip-Hop:
• Rihanna
• Chris brown
• Frank ocean
• Flo Rida
• And Wiz Khalifa, etc.
- 6. Indie Rock Music:
• Lord Huron
• Hozier
• And novo amor, etc.
- 7. Alternative R&B/Other:
• Katie Garfield
• Jp saxe
• Jetta
• Gnash
- 8. I Also Like Listening to
• Demi Lovato
• Madeon(Recently found out about This artist)
• LVNDSCAPE(Recently found out about This artist)
• Mike perry(Recently found out about This artist)
• Jubel(Recently found out about This artist)
• sam feldt
• shallou
• Slander
• Hasley
• Kesha
• Nicki minaj
• Justin Beiber
• Riell
• Lorde
• gym class heroes
• And Gavin DeGraw, etc.
- 9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/ Nursery Rhyme playlist/Other:
Spotify playlists:
• Monstercat - favs/ Monstercat unchanged Vol. 1
• Destiny 2 ost
• Halo 3 ost
• Bloodborne ost
• Dark souls 3 ost
• Transistor ost
• Rocket league soundtrack( complete ost)
• Just shapes & beats ost
• Star Wars soundtrack
•Christmas hits
• 2010 -2020 top hits
• Universal Music playlist
• Hans Zimmer soundtrack( interstella inception)
• Jurassic park soundtrack
• The Avengers soundtrack
• favsMrsucidesheep
• Chill EDM playlist
• full metal alchemist brotherhood ost
• Naruto Shippuden ost
• Mulan ost(I'll make a man outta you/ music video)
• And the little sunshine kids playlist( one of my Favs: Hush, little baby), etc.
- 10. 60's - 2020 artists/ songs I love:
• Rick Astley(never gonna give you up never gonna let you down)
• Fergie(Glamorous)
• Lil Naz X(The old town Road)
• John Denver( take me home country roads)
• M83(Outro/Midnight city)
• Johnny cash(Hurt)
• Sia( cheap thrills/ chandelie titanium/ the greatest)
• Rihanna( ya da one/ we found love/ umbrella/ work)
• Lady Gaga( Bad romance/ just dance)
• Soulja boy( crank that)
• Chris Brown( don't wake me up)
• usher( DJ got us fallin in love again/climax/ scream/yeah!)
• Jason Derulo(watcha say/ Ridin solo/ in my head)
• Taio Cruz( Dynamite)
• Swedish house mafia( don't you worry child)
• Europe(The final countdown)
• Toby Keith(Red solo cup)
• Reill(Stubborn)
• Venga boys( boom, boom, boom, boom)
• Katy perry(E.T/ dark horse/ California gurls/ part of me/ roa)
• Luis Fonsi(Despacito)
• The black-eyed peas(I gotta feeling)
• Shakira(Waka waka)
• Carly rae jenpsen(call me maybe)
• Sam Smith(Stay with me)
• kyary pamyu pamyu(PONPONPON)
• Train(hey, soul sister),
• Bruno mars(just the way you are/ it will rain/ nothin on you)
• daft punk(get lucky/one more time/ harder, better, faster, stronge instant crush)
• Jessie j(nobody's perfect/domino)
• Adele( hello/ set fire to the rain/ someone like you)
• And cee lo green(Fuck you), etc.
A little more about me: I love making wacky voices so if I sound like an old man or Mario, etc. Don't be surprised.
So, if this sparked an interest feel free to hmu on here or discord(HMU for my discord tag if ur interested or comment ur tag below and I'll add you) and I'd prefer to VC on discord or chat in a ps party for our first convo because I feel its more fun that way but we don't have too. But if you want to I'd suggest reading the part about my voice in the about me gaming section up top before pulling the trigger.
submitted by Mythical_Ludwig to TeensMeetTeens [link] [comments]


2020.04.04 20:00 Mythical_Ludwig 17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

Hello there! I hope you're having a lovely day :)
- playlist idea So, I thought this would be a fun way to get to know each other or just a fun way to discover new music: so, we choose our top 10+ songs and then we add them to a favorite's playlist in an alphabetical and greatest to least fashion(don't have Spotify? well, give me the name of the songs and I'll listen to them and add em or I'll make the playlist public if that's a thing and you can add them by yourself). and while we're doing that we can just talk about life or talk about our interests to learn more about each other. so, if this sounds like fun to you feel free to hmu for my discord or I can add you and then will hop into a VC and work on the playlist together.
- What I'm looking for: I'm looking to make some gaming/ music friends. Preferably To talk to on a daily basis and spend afternoons/evenings learning about each other, discussing music, sharing music, watching music videos together, having karaoke nights, playing the guessing game, singing, dancing, creating playlists, writing music, and playing video games together, etc.
About me
Gaming:
I only play on ps4 and I'm just looking for other people who love playing star wars battlefront 2 & Titanfall2 but I also play/ have installed: need for speed heat, borderlands 3, Minecraft, Destiny 2 shadow keep, steep, dark souls 3, bloodborne, injustice 2, the division 2, call of duty warzone, and Apex Legends, etc. if ur interested: PSN: DJ_MonsterKat or comment ur psn down below and I'll add you.
Fun fact: Did you know that apex and titanfall 2 are set in the same universe?
IMPORTANT: About my Voice: if we hop into a vc or a ps party and I sound tired, high, or talk slowly it's not because I actually am. My headset mic has a 0.1or higher second delay so, for instance, read this slowly: example A: I Don't sound like this. Then read this in your normal voice: Example B: I Sound like this. so, the conclusion is that IRL I sound like example B(I talk fast) while over mic I sound like Example A.( I talk slow) so, I hope you understand now. Also, I'll be getting a new headset soon so, hopefully, that'll help or if it doesn't I'll just get a standalone mic at a later date. Probably around my birthday which is soon.
About me
Music: I'm more of an EDM/ Rap/ hip hop/ pop music/ soul music kinda guy but as the title says I'm open to all types of music.
an interesting fact about me: I currently have 544 songs on my Spotify playlist that I've discovered through watching twitch streamers Lirik, Xqc, Timthetatman, and Sodapoppin, etc. also by listening to various playlists on Spotify which include: today top hits, chill edm, mrsucidesheep favs, official lirik playlist, universal music and monstercat favs, etc. and also going to the doctors lol.
Here are some of my fav artists on Spotify and I've split them into categories to make them easier to find and read.[ - 1. EDM, - 2. Rap,- 3. Pop Music/Soul Music, -4. Pop-Rock Music, -5. Hip Hop, -6. Indie Rock, -7. Alternative R&B/other, -8. I Also Like Listening to, -9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/Nursery Rhyme Playlist/Other, and -10. 60's -2020 artists/ songs I love, etc.][ scroll Down below to find Music genres/ songs 1-10]
- 1. EDM
• Monstercat(my all-time favorite)
• Said the sky
• Missio
• Marshmello
• Avicii
• Brvthr
• Dabin
• Lucian
• Flume
• Odesza
• Alison wonderland
• Meadows
• Dimond saints
• Michl
• Lost frequencies
• Mitis
• Embody
• San Holo
• Flux Pavillion
• Daft Punk
•Gryffin
• Alan walker
• Galantis
• Seven lions
• Kygo
• kyary pamyu pamyu
• Martin garrix
• Illienum
• Lauv
• Eden/project
• FRND
• The Chainsmokers
• Ella Vos
• Kaskade
• Major Lazer
•Allie x
• Jessica Hart
• The fat rat
•The weekend
• And DJ snake, etc.
- 2. Rap:
• Blackbear
•Bryce Vince
• Russ
• Drake
• Logic
• G - Easy
• Kanye west
• Eminem
• Post-Malone
• Future
• Roddy ricch
• Jedi mind tricks
• And Rae sremmurd, etc.
- 3. Pop Music/Soul music:
• Sia
• Billie Eilish
• Fergie
• Ali gatie
• Lewis Capaldi
• Bruno mars
• Ylvis
• Coldplay
• Jason Derulo
• Jessie j
• Luckas graham
• Imagine dragons
• And Usher, etc.
- 4. Pop-Rock Music:
• Bastille
• Mumford & sons
• Nick Jonas
• Twenty-one pilots
• and Oh wonder, etc.
- 5. Hip-Hop:
• Rihanna
• Chris brown
• Frank ocean
• Flo Rida
• And Wiz Khalifa, etc.
- 6. Indie Rock Music:
• Lord Huron
• Hozier
• And novo amor, etc.
- 7. Alternative R&B/Other:
• Katie Garfield
• Jp saxe
• Jetta
• Gnash
- 8. I Also Like Listening to
• Demi Lovato
• Madeon(Recently found out about This artist)
• LVNDSCAPE(Recently found out about This artist)
• Mike perry(Recently found out about This artist)
• Jubel(Recently found out about This artist)
• sam feldt
• shallou
• Slander
• Hasley
• Kesha
• Nicki minaj
• Justin Beiber
• Riell
• Lorde
• gym class heroes
• And Gavin DeGraw, etc.
- 9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/ Nursery Rhyme playlist/Other:
Spotify playlists:
• Monstercat - favs/ Monstercat unchanged Vol. 1
• Destiny 2 ost
• Halo 3 ost
• Bloodborne ost
• Dark souls 3 ost
• Transistor ost
• Rocket league soundtrack( complete ost)
• Just shapes & beats ost
• Star Wars soundtrack
•Christmas hits
• 2010 -2020 top hits
• Universal Music playlist
• Hans Zimmer soundtrack( interstella inception)
• Jurassic park soundtrack
• The Avengers soundtrack
• favsMrsucidesheep
• Chill EDM playlist
• full metal alchemist brotherhood ost
• Naruto Shippuden ost
• Mulan ost(I'll make a man outta you/ music video)
• And the little sunshine kids playlist( one of my Favs: Hush, little baby), etc.
- 10. 60's - 2020 artists/ songs I love:
• Rick Astley(never gonna give you up never gonna let you down)
• Fergie(Glamorous)
• Lil Naz X(The old town Road)
• John Denver( take me home country roads)
• M83(Outro/Midnight city)
• Johnny cash(Hurt)
• Sia( cheap thrills/ chandelie titanium/ the greatest)
• Rihanna( ya da one/ we found love/ umbrella/ work)
• Lady Gaga( Bad romance/ just dance)
• Soulja boy( crank that)
• Chris Brown( don't wake me up)
• usher( DJ got us fallin in love again/climax/ scream/yeah!)
• Jason Derulo(watcha say/ Ridin solo/ in my head)
• Taio Cruz( Dynamite)
• Swedish house mafia( don't you worry child)
• Europe(The final countdown)
• Toby Keith(Red solo cup)
• Reill(Stubborn)
• Venga boys( boom, boom, boom, boom)
• Katy perry(E.T/ dark horse/ California gurls/ part of me/ roa)
• Luis Fonsi(Despacito)
• The black-eyed peas(I gotta feeling)
• Shakira(Waka waka)
• Carly rae jenpsen(call me maybe)
• Sam Smith(Stay with me)
• kyary pamyu pamyu(PONPONPON)
• Train(hey, soul sister),
• Bruno mars(just the way you are/ it will rain/ nothin on you)
• daft punk(get lucky/one more time/ harder, better, faster, stronge instant crush)
• Jessie j(nobody's perfect/domino)
• Adele( hello/ set fire to the rain/ someone like you)
• And cee lo green(Fuck you), etc.
A little more about me: I love making wacky voices so if I sound like an old man or Mario, etc. Don't be surprised.
Other Hobbies/Interests: Tv shows, Movies, animes, Food, Memes, technology, fashion, learning, reading books, animals, and meeting new ppl, etc.
So, if this sparked an interest feel free to hmu on here or discord(HMU for my discord tag if ur interested or comment ur tag below and I'll add you) and I'd prefer to VC on discord or chat in a ps party for our first convo because I feel its more fun that way but we don't have too. But if you want to I'd suggest reading the part about my voice in the about me gaming section up top before pulling the trigger.
submitted by Mythical_Ludwig to Needafriend [link] [comments]


2020.04.04 20:00 Mythical_Ludwig 17/M - Who wants to create a playlist with me? Looking For People Who Love Music & Gaming, etc. I'm into EDM, Rap, Pop Music, Soul Music, Pop-Rock, Hip Hop, Indie Rock, And Alternative R&B, etc. But I'm open to all types of music so, I'd love to hear what songs you listen to :) [Friendship][chat]

Hello there! I hope you're having a lovely day :)
- playlist idea So, I thought this would be a fun way to get to know each other or just a fun way to discover new music: so, we choose our top 10+ songs and then we add them to a favorite's playlist in an alphabetical and greatest to least fashion(don't have Spotify? well, give me the name of the songs and I'll listen to them and add em or I'll make the playlist public if that's a thing and you can add them by yourself). and while we're doing that we can just talk about life or talk about our interests to learn more about each other. so, if this sounds like fun to you feel free to hmu for my discord or I can add you and then will hop into a VC and work on the playlist together.
- What I'm looking for: I'm looking to make some gaming/ music friends. Preferably To talk to on a daily basis and spend afternoons/evenings learning about each other, discussing music, sharing music, watching music videos together, having karaoke nights, playing the guessing game, singing, dancing, creating playlists, writing music, and playing video games together, etc.
About me
Gaming:
I only play on ps4 and I'm just looking for other people who love playing star wars battlefront 2 & Titanfall2 but I also play/ have installed: need for speed heat, borderlands 3, Minecraft, Destiny 2 shadow keep, steep, dark souls 3, bloodborne, injustice 2, the division 2, call of duty warzone, and Apex Legends, etc. if ur interested: PSN: DJ_MonsterKat or comment ur psn down below and I'll add you.
Fun fact: Did you know that apex and titanfall 2 are set in the same universe?
IMPORTANT: About my Voice: if we hop into a vc or a ps party and I sound tired, high, or talk slowly it's not because I actually am. My headset mic has a 0.1or higher second delay so, for instance, read this slowly: example A: I Don't sound like this. Then read this in your normal voice: Example B: I Sound like this. so, the conclusion is that IRL I sound like example B(I talk fast) while over mic I sound like Example A.( I talk slow) so, I hope you understand now. Also, I'll be getting a new headset soon so, hopefully, that'll help or if it doesn't I'll just get a standalone mic at a later date. Probably around my birthday which is soon.
About me
Music: I'm more of an EDM/ Rap/ hip hop/ pop music/ soul music kinda guy but as the title says I'm open to all types of music.
an interesting fact about me: I currently have 544 songs on my Spotify playlist that I've discovered through watching twitch streamers Lirik, Xqc, Timthetatman, and Sodapoppin, etc. also by listening to various playlists on Spotify which include: today top hits, chill edm, mrsucidesheep favs, official lirik playlist, universal music and monstercat favs, etc. and also going to the doctors lol.
Here are some of my fav artists on Spotify and I've split them into categories to make them easier to find and read.[ - 1. EDM, - 2. Rap,- 3. Pop Music/Soul Music, -4. Pop-Rock Music, -5. Hip Hop, -6. Indie Rock, -7. Alternative R&B/other, -8. I Also Like Listening to, -9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/Nursery Rhyme Playlist/Other, and -10. 60's -2020 artists/ songs I love, etc.][ scroll Down below to find Music genres/ songs 1-10]
- 1. EDM
• Monstercat(my all-time favorite)
• Said the sky
• Missio
• Marshmello
• Avicii
• Brvthr
• Dabin
• Lucian
• Flume
• Odesza
• Alison wonderland
• Meadows
• Dimond saints
• Michl
• Lost frequencies
• Mitis
• Embody
• San Holo
• Flux Pavillion
• Daft Punk
•Gryffin
• Alan walker
• Galantis
• Seven lions
• Kygo
• kyary pamyu pamyu
• Martin garrix
• Illienum
• Lauv
• Eden/project
• FRND
• The Chainsmokers
• Ella Vos
• Kaskade
• Major Lazer
•Allie x
• Jessica Hart
• The fat rat
•The weekend
• And DJ snake, etc.
- 2. Rap:
• Blackbear
•Bryce Vince
• Russ
• Drake
• Logic
• G - Easy
• Kanye west
• Eminem
• Post-Malone
• Future
• Roddy ricch
• Jedi mind tricks
• And Rae sremmurd, etc.
- 3. Pop Music/Soul music:
• Sia
• Billie Eilish
• Fergie
• Ali gatie
• Lewis Capaldi
• Bruno mars
• Ylvis
• Coldplay
• Jason Derulo
• Jessie j
• Luckas graham
• Imagine dragons
• And Usher, etc.
- 4. Pop-Rock Music:
• Bastille
• Mumford & sons
• Nick Jonas
• Twenty-one pilots
• and Oh wonder, etc.
- 5. Hip-Hop:
• Rihanna
• Chris brown
• Frank ocean
• Flo Rida
• And Wiz Khalifa, etc.
- 6. Indie Rock Music:
• Lord Huron
• Hozier
• And novo amor, etc.
- 7. Alternative R&B/Other:
• Katie Garfield
• Jp saxe
• Jetta
• Gnash
- 8. I Also Like Listening to
• Demi Lovato
• Madeon(Recently found out about This artist)
• LVNDSCAPE(Recently found out about This artist)
• Mike perry(Recently found out about This artist)
• Jubel(Recently found out about This artist)
• sam feldt
• shallou
• Slander
• Hasley
• Kesha
• Nicki minaj
• Justin Beiber
• Riell
• Lorde
• gym class heroes
• And Gavin DeGraw, etc.
- 9. Game ost's/ Anime ost's/ Soundtracks/ Nursery Rhyme playlist/Other:
Spotify playlists:
• Monstercat - favs/ Monstercat unchanged Vol. 1
• Destiny 2 ost
• Halo 3 ost
• Bloodborne ost
• Dark souls 3 ost
• Transistor ost
• Rocket league soundtrack( complete ost)
• Just shapes & beats ost
• Star Wars soundtrack
•Christmas hits
• 2010 -2020 top hits
• Universal Music playlist
• Hans Zimmer soundtrack( interstella inception)
• Jurassic park soundtrack
• The Avengers soundtrack
• favsMrsucidesheep
• Chill EDM playlist
• full metal alchemist brotherhood ost
• Naruto Shippuden ost
• Mulan ost(I'll make a man outta you/ music video)
• And the little sunshine kids playlist( one of my Favs: Hush, little baby), etc.
- 10. 60's - 2020 artists/ songs I love:
• Rick Astley(never gonna give you up never gonna let you down)
• Fergie(Glamorous)
• Lil Naz X(The old town Road)
• John Denver( take me home country roads)
• M83(Outro/Midnight city)
• Johnny cash(Hurt)
• Sia( cheap thrills/ chandelie titanium/ the greatest)
• Rihanna( ya da one/ we found love/ umbrella/ work)
• Lady Gaga( Bad romance/ just dance)
• Soulja boy( crank that)
• Chris Brown( don't wake me up)
• usher( DJ got us fallin in love again/climax/ scream/yeah!)
• Jason Derulo(watcha say/ Ridin solo/ in my head)
• Taio Cruz( Dynamite)
• Swedish house mafia( don't you worry child)
• Europe(The final countdown)
• Toby Keith(Red solo cup)
• Reill(Stubborn)
• Venga boys( boom, boom, boom, boom)
• Katy perry(E.T/ dark horse/ California gurls/ part of me/ roa)
• Luis Fonsi(Despacito)
• The black-eyed peas(I gotta feeling)
• Shakira(Waka waka)
• Carly rae jenpsen(call me maybe)
• Sam Smith(Stay with me)
• kyary pamyu pamyu(PONPONPON)
• Train(hey, soul sister),
• Bruno mars(just the way you are/ it will rain/ nothin on you)
• daft punk(get lucky/one more time/ harder, better, faster, stronge instant crush)
• Jessie j(nobody's perfect/domino)
• Adele( hello/ set fire to the rain/ someone like you)
• And cee lo green(Fuck you), etc.
A little more about me: I love making wacky voices so if I sound like an old man or Mario, etc. Don't be surprised.
Other Hobbies/Interests: Tv shows, Movies, animes, Food, Memes, technology, fashion, learning, reading books, animals, and meeting new ppl, etc.
So, if this sparked an interest feel free to hmu on here or discord(HMU for my discord tag if ur interested or comment ur tag below and I'll add you) and I'd prefer to VC on discord or chat in a ps party for our first convo because I feel its more fun that way but we don't have too. But if you want to I'd suggest reading the part about my voice in the about me gaming section up top before pulling the trigger.
submitted by Mythical_Ludwig to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]


2020.01.16 01:34 CuteBananaMuffin Timeline of Government Secret Projects PART 3

I had to break it down to 3 parts because the article is longer than 40,000 words
1979 (A) In February 1979, Alfred Hubbard attended an LSD reunion party hosted by Dr. Oscar Janiger along with Laura Huxley, Sidney Cohn, John Lilly, Willis Harman, and Timothy Leary among others (Lee and Schlain, 213). (B) Around 1979, SRI funded a project of Tart's which screened university students and faculty for psychic ability. (Schnabel, Jim, Remote Viewers: The Secret History of America's Psychic Spies, Dell, 1997, pg 225-6) (C) In an article entitled "The Fund for CIA Research, or Who's Disinforming Who?", the anonymous authors (the Associated Investigators Group) accuse Bruce Maccabee of working with the CIA, providing them with information, and letting the CIA affect his leadership in FUFOR. According to the article, Maccabee's main contact with the CIA was through Dr. Christopher Green. In a written response, Maccabee rebuts that most of his contacts with the CIA have been in the context of his work with the Navy and are unrelated to his UFO research. He says that he did give CIA employees informal lectures at the request of Ron Pandolfi, but that the CIA has never attempted to influence his research.
[A similar rebuttal was written by Aviary guy Dan Smith and Rosemary Ellen Guiley of Fate Magazine, and New Age Land Central - in later years - after similar accusations were made.] "I never contacted any companies. What I did was tell Jack Acuff - Director of NICAP at the time - that I would like to speak to experts in the field of radar. He, in turn, put me in contact with a scientist - Dr. Gordon MacDonald - at the MITRE corporation. I was invited to discuss the NZ sightings with him and several other scientists at MITRE in McLean, VA.
And I did (and they generally agreed with my conclusions). Then a week-or-so later, I learned that MacDonald had contacted a man at the CIA who contacted me and offered to provide technical consultation if I would provide a briefing to some CIA employees. At first, I was leery of doing anything with the CIA. But I knew they had radar experts, so I stipulated that if they would give me some feedback I'd tell them what I know.
So I briefed them and I received some helpful comments..." [note: When you dance with the Devil, the Devil doesn't change - the Devil changes YOU!] "After I discussed the NZ case one employee - Dr. Christopher "Kit" Green (KG) - invited me to visit the CIA again a week-or-so later to have a general UFO discussion with him and a couple of other employees... After that last meeting with KG in the spring of 1979, I didn't see him again and had no contact with the agency until June, 1984 when I was contacted by Dr. Ronald Pandolfi regarding my Navy work.
He had been tracking developments by the "other side" in that field of research and wanted to know what the U.S. state-of-the-art was." (Bruce Maccabee's response to the AIR report) Formerly with the CIA, Dr. Green's work involved UFO research. "Dr. Green attained a Ph.D. in Neurophysiology in 1969 and in1976 received his M.D. (Doctor of Medicine) degree. Green was awarded the CIA's National Intelligence Medal for his work on a 'classified project' from 1979 to 1983 - precisely the years in which Maccabee was meeting with him at CIA headquarters.
Green uses somewhat of a cover story to describe his CIA work, calling himself a 'Scientific Advisor on the Advisory Board to the Directorate of Intelligence, CIA.'" (The Associated Investigators Group, "The Fund for CIA Research, or Who's Disinforming Who?") Esalen also held seminars in quantum physics, and was the birthplace of the Physics/Consciousness Research Group. Some results of these seminars are documented in Zukav, Gary, The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Morrow Quill, 1979
1980 (A) By the 1980's, Koslov was working with the Applied Physics Laboratory at Johns Hopkins University, where he continued to study the effects of electromagnetic radiation on humans. He is currently the vice president of the Maryland Microscopical and Scientific Instrument Society. (B) Dale Graff had continued to task SRI on behalf of the Air Force for the next few years. In 1980, he won a fellowship for "exceptional analyst" within the intelligence community and planned to take 2 years off to conduct research in other laboratories: SRI, a psychokenesis lab at Princeton, a J.B. Rhine affiliated lab in Durham, NC, and a Department of Energy lab where microwave weapons were being studied. His fellowship was revoked by the office of the Air Force Chief of Staff and - with the encouragement of Jack Vorona - he retired from the Air Force and moved to the DIA, where he ran the Advanced Concepts Office. (C) "Michelle Smith" and Lawrence Pazder published "Michelle Remembers" about Satanic Ritual Abuse memories. She came to therapist Pazder because she was in distress over horrible dreams and a miscarriage.
1981 (A) Orbit Maneuvering System Part of the plan to build the SPS space platforms was the demand for reusable space shuttles since they could not afford to keep discarding rockets.
In 1981, The NASA Spacelab-3 mission of the Space Shuttle made "a series of passes over a network of 5 ground based observatories" in order to study what happened to the ionosphere when the Shuttle injected gases into it from the Orbit Maneuvering System (OMS). They discovered that they could "induce ionospheric holes" and began to experiment with holes made in the daytime or at night over Millstone, Connecticut and Arecibo, Puerto Rico.
They experimented with the effects of, "artificially induced ionospheric depletions on very low frequency wave lengths, on equatorial plasma instabilities, and on low frequency radio astronomical observations over Roberval, Quebec, Kwajelein, in the Marshall Islands, and Hobart, Tasmania" (Advanced Space Research, Vo1.8, No. 1, 1988). (B) Eldon Byrd - who worked for Naval Surface Weapons, Office of Non-Lethal Weapons - was commissioned in 1981 to develop electromagnetic devices for purposes including 'riot control', clandestine operations and hostage removal. "Byrd also wrote of experiments where behavior of animals was controlled by exposure to weak electromagnetic fields. 'At a certain frequency and power intensity, they could make the animal purr, lay down, and roll over.'" (Keeler, Anna, "Remote Mind Control Technology") "Between 1981 and September 1982, the Navy commissioned me to investigate the potential of developing electromagnetic devices that could be used as non-lethal weapons by the Marine Corp for the purpose of 'riot control', hostage removal, clandestine operations, and so on." Eldon Byrd, Naval Surface Weapons Center, Silver Spring MD. (from "Electromagnetic Pollution" by Kim Besly, p 12.) (C) John Alexander supported the views of Thomas Bearden. Delivered a paper to the 1981 national convention of the US Psychotronic Association (D) General Albert Stubblebine. Former head of the U.S. Army Intelligence & Security Command (INSCOM) 1981-84, Masters degree in chemical engineering from Columbia. He signed classified contracts with the Monroe Institute (Emerson, Steven, Secret Warriors, G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1988, pg 103-4). Stubblebine often met with Noriega while he was a U.S. intelligence asset (Emerson, 1988, pg 110-1).
Stubblebine was the former boss of Col. John Alexander, and the two have held numerous "spoon-bending" parties. He is a friend of Lyn Buchanan [according to a representative from PSI TECH, the two are not friends]. Stubblebine is married to ufologist Rima Laibow. (Porter, Tom, Government Research into ESP & Mind Control, March, 1996). Soon after becoming head of INSCOM, Stubblebine began a program called the "High Performance Task Force" - a series of methods to improve his officers' performance. These ranged from the neuro-linquistic programming of Tony Robbins to the hemisynch tapes of the Monroe Institute where Stubblebine often sent his officers. (Schnabel, Jim, Remote Viewers: The Secret History of America's Psychic Spies, Dell, 1997, pg 276) Following an incident involving an officer having a psychotic episode at the Monroe Institute, Stubblebine resigned in 1984. He was replaced by Major General Harry Soyster (Schnabel, 1997, pg 316), formerly vice-president for 'Intelligence Systems' of BDM of McClean, Virginia. As of 1992, Chairman of PSI-TECH. "Laibow, Stubblebine, and ufologist Victoria Lacas (with [C.B. Scott] Jones in the shadows) toured Europe and the Soviet Union, where they have established a prodigious UFO/Psi network." (Durant, Robert J., "Will the Real Scott Jones Please Stand Up?") Stubblebine gave a lecture at the International Symposium on UFO Research - sponsored by the International Association for New Science - in Denver, Colorado (May 22-25, 1992).
This gives a good example of Stubblebine's coherence (or lack thereof) and paranoia (he often threatened to destroy the tape). Stubblebine claimed that none of the members of the remote-viewing program had prior psychic abilities or interests (but all other sources state that they did). (E) In the Summer of 1981, Pat Delgado brought to the attention of the national Press the existence of mysterious circular depressions in the fields at Cheesefoot Head, Hampshire. (F) Budd Hopkins published Missing Time with an afterward by therapist Aphrodite Clamar. Hopkins book was about the in-depth investigation of 19 cases of UFO abduction which he had undertaken in the previous 5 years. (G) The first cases of AIDS are confirmed in homosexual men in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, triggering speculation that AIDS may have been introduced via the Hepatitis-B vaccine.
1982 (A) In May 1982, Elisabeth and Russell Targ held a workshop on psychic phenomena for 25 professionals.
This was part of a program with Stanislav Grof, who was studying non-chemical alternatives for altered states of consciousness. The Targs goal was to show that psychic experiences did not require an "altered state". (Targ, Russell and Harary, Keith, Mind Race, Villard Books, 1984, pg 99). Grof served briefly as the branch chief of the operational unit of Star Gate from around 1982 or 83 until he resigned in summer of 1993. (B) Electromagnetic weapons for law enforcement use in Great Britain. A 10-30 Hz strobe light which can produce seizures, giddiness, nausea, and fainting was developed by Charles Bovill of the now defunct British firm Allen International. Addition of sound pulses in the 4.0-7.5 Hz range increases effectiveness as utilized in the Valkyrie - a "frequency" weapon advertised in British Defense Equipment Catalogue until 1983.
The squawk box or "sound curdler" uses 2 loudspeakers of 350-watt output to emit 2 slightly different frequencies which combine in the ear to produce a shrill shrieking noise. The U.S. National Science Foundation report says there is "severe risk of permanent impairment of hearing." (From Electropollution by Kim Besley, citing the Manchester City Council Police Monitoring Unit document.) (C) Air Force review of biotechnology. "Currently available data allow the projection that specially generated radiofrequency radiation (RFR) fields may pose powerful and revolutionary antipersonnel military threats. Electroshock therapy indicates the ability of induced electric current to completely interrupt mental functioning for short periods of time to obtain cognition for longer periods and to restructure emotional response over prolonged intervals. "... impressed electromagnetic fields can be disruptive to purposeful behavior and may be capable of directing and/or interrogating such behavior. Further, the passage of approximately 100 milliamperes through the myocardium can lead to cardiac standstill and death, again pointing to a speed-of-light weapons effect. "A rapidly scanning RFR system could provide an effective stun or kill capability over a large area." (From "Final Report on Biotechnology Research Requirements for Aeronautical Systems Through the Year 2000". AFOSR-TR-82-0643, Vol 1, and Vol 2, July 30, 1982.)
1983 (A) Phoenix II / USAF, NSA: Location: Montauk, Long Island Electronic multi-directional targeting of select population groups Targeting: Medium range Frequencies: Radar, microwaves. EHF UHF modulated Power: Gigawatt through Terawatt Purpose: Loading of Earth Grids, planetary sonombulescence to stave off geological activity, specific-point earthquake creation, population programming for "sensitized" individuals Pseudonym: "Rainbow", ZAP(B) Nikolai Khokhlov - a Soviet KGB agent who defected to the West in 1976 - interviews recently arrived scientists and reports that "The Soviet mind-control program is run by the KGB with unlimited funds." (From The Spectator, Feb 5, 1983, reported in "New World Order Psychotronic Tyranny" by C. B. Baker.) (C) "Center Lane" was the codename for the operational unit of the remote-viewing program, redesignated from Grill Flame in late 1983. Control of the unit shifted from INSCOM's operation group to the more direct control of Albert Stubblebine. The unit was known as INSCOM Center Lane Project (ICLP). (Schnabel, Jim, Remote Viewers: The Secret History of America's Psychic Spies, Dell, 1997, pg 280) In late 1983, 4 more individuals were recruited to Center Lane: Captain Ed Dames, Captain Bill Ray (counterintelligence specialist), Captain Paul Smith, and Charlene Cavanaugh (civilian analyst with INSCOM). These four began a training program - which started at The Monroe Institute - and concluded with personal training with Ingo Swann. (Schnabel, 1997, pg 292-3) After Gen. Stubblebine's retirement in 1984, Center Lane was completely without support in the Army. Jack Vorona arranged for the unit to be transferred directly to the DIA's Scientific and Technical Intelligence Directorate when Army funding ran out in late 1985, at which time it was redesignated Sun Streak. Until that time, the unit was given no official taskings (Schnabel, 1997, pg 319). Center Lane started when Ingo Swann at SRI came across a breakthrough in his techniques in 1983. He developed a training program and trained 6 military officers (including Ed Dames) over a period of 6 months. After finishing the training in late 1983, the viewers returned and started applying their knowledge.
The unit was renamed 'Center Lane' with Dames as the operations and training officer. "Dames took a 'let's see what this baby can do' approach, replacing the unit's former intelligence collection methodology with the breakthrough technique." (Dames, Ed, "Ed Dames Sets the Record Straight") [Keep in mind that Dames is a major disinfo artist.]
1984 "USSR: New Beam Energy Possible?", possibly associated with early Soviet weather engineering efforts over the U.S. (from "Tesla's Electromagnetics and Its Soviet Weaponization" by T.E. Bearden.) According to former Reagan aide Barbara Honneger, "the fundamental reason for the increased interest [in psi research] is initial results coming out of laboratories in the United States and Canada that certain amplitude and frequency combinations of external electromagnetic radiation in the brain-wave frequency range are capable of bypassing the external sensory mechanism of organisms - including humans - and directly stimulating higher-level neuronal structures in the brain.
This electronic stimulation is known to produce mental changes at a distance, including hallucinations in various sensory modalities - particularly auditory." (McRae, Ronald, Mind Wars, St. Martin's Press, 1984, pg 136) The overlap between these 2 fields can be described as: Mis-identification: Some ELF mind-control studies have been discussed under the heading of "psychotronics". Many - myself included - don't agree with this label as there is no psychic component in the study of the effects of electromagnetic radiation on the central nervous system. Coincidental Findings: As in most scientific fields, research that is tangential for one project may be central to another. Navy studies in ELF communications included a portion on possible health effects. When these findings were revealed, the possibility of using ELF as a weapon arose and studies were continued in that direction. However, we can't say that all of the Navy's research into ELF radio was a front for mind-control as they have a definite interest in communication with their submarines. The same may be true for remote-viewing studies. Studies at SRI and elsewhere measured and analyzed subject's brain waves, and also studied the effects of ELF waves as a possible carrier for telepathic information. Tech-Enhanced Psi: Some studies - especially those involving dolphins - tried to use technology to enhance psychic phenomena. Most of this is pure bunk including most of the inventions I've seen created by the Russians and the US Psychotronic Association. Some of it resembles telepathy simulated by technology, such as the attempt to carry signals from dolphins to humans via the "Neurophone". This would seem to fit better under "Mis-identification". Cover: Remote-viewing - like UFOs - has been postulated by some researchers as being used as a "cover story" for covert mind-control experiments. This plan would convince the victims that the "voices" or sensory data they were unnaturally receiving was due to channeling, telepathy, or remote-viewing. It would also have the "high-weirdness" factor, which would preclude a serious treatment of the subject by the mainstream media. However, I'm hesitant to lump the entire spectrum of government interest in psi in this category. Cutting Edge: Both psychic ability and things like non-lethal weapons are considered to be on the "cutting edge" of military theory. This is an alternative explanation as to why individuals like John Alexander and David Morehouse are interested in both fields. The degree to which these crossovers apply to specific cases are dealt with individually, and to this subject as a whole in the conclusions.
1985 (A) Founded by Ed May, the Cognitive Sciences Laboratory was formed at SRI in 1985 and moved with May to SAIC. May and the Cognitive Sciences Laboratory are currently at a "small start-up research place called the Laboratories for Fundamental Research" (e-mail from Ed May, 8/7/96).
Joe McMoneagle is listed as a research associate. Other staff members include S. James, P. Spottiswoode, Earling DeGraff, Nevin D. Lantz, Philip Wasserman, Laura V. Faith, Ellen Messer, and Stephan A. Schwartz. "I (Dean Radin) took a leave of absence from Bell Labs in 1985 and spent that entire year at SRI International, working with Hal Puthoff and Ed May.
Since then, I spent about half my time in academia (Princeton, Edinburgh, UNLV) and half in industry (Contel Technology Center, GTE Labs). My academic research was exclusively on psi phenomena, and my industrial research included about 20% on psi. "I'm not in favor of developing or using psi for any military purposes. But unfortunately there are those in the World who would use psi as a weapon if they could.
Thus, I reluctantly suppose that R& D on psi for intelligence and possibly military purposes can be justified for defensive reasons. It would be naive to think that someone, somewhere is not working on this right now." (Interview with the RetroPsychoKinesis Project) (B) Since the early 1970s, Puthoff had been a part-time paid consultant to Bill Church regarding alternative fuel sources. At Puthoff's urging, Church developed a company (Jupiter Technologies) to research Zero-Point Energy. In the summer of 1985 after giving only 2 weeks notice, Puthoff left SRI to work for Church full time. (Schnabel, Jim, 1997, pg 323) (C) Women in the peace camps at Greenham Common began showing various medical symptoms believed to be caused by EM surveillance weapons beamed at them. (See "Zapping: The New Weapon of the Patriarchy", Resonance#13, pp 22-24. Research by Woody Blue.) (D) Innovative Shuttle Experiments An innovative use of the Space Shuttle to perform space physics experiments in Earth orbit was launched, using the OMS injections of gases to "cause a sudden depletion in the local plasma concentration - the creation of a so-called ionospheric hole". This artificially-induced plasma depletion can then be used to investigate other space phenomena, such as the growth of the plasma instabilities or the modification of radio propagation paths.
The 47 second OMS burn of July 29, 1985 produced the largest and most long-lived ionospheric hole to date, dumping some 830 kg of exhaust into the ionosphere at sunset. A 6-second, 68-km OMS release above Connecticut in August 1985 produced an airglow which covered over 400,000 square km. During the 1980s, rocket launches globally numbered about 500-to-600 a year, peaking at 1500 in 1989. There were many more during the Gulf War. The Shuttle is the largest of the solid fuel rockets with twin 45-meter boosters. All solid fuel rockets release large amounts of hydrochloric acid in their exhaust.
Each Shuttle flight injects about 75 tons of ozone-destroying chlorine into the stratosphere. Those launched since 1992 inject even more ozone-destroying chlorine (about 187 tons) into the stratosphere (which contains the ozone layer). (E) Whitley Strieber publishes Communion. (F) According to the journal Science (227:173-177), HTLV and VISNA - a fatal sheep virus - are very similar, indicating a close taxonomic and evolutionary relationship.
1986 (A) Attorney General's Conference on Less Than Lethal Weapons Reviews current weapons available. Most date back to 1972: the Taser; the Nova XR-5000 Stun Gun (can interrupt a pacemaker); the Talon, a glove with an electrical pulse generator; and the Source, a flashlight with electrodes at the base.
These devices are useful only at close range except for the Taser, and are generally restricted to correctional institutions. Photic driving strobe lights tested by one conference delegate on 100 subjects produced discomfort. Closed eyelids do not block the effect. Evidence that ELF produces nausea and disorientation. Suggestion to develop fast-acting electro sleep-inducing EM weapon. Discusses problem of testing weapons on animals and human "volunteers".
(From "Report on the Attorney General's Conference on Less Than Lethal Weapons", by Sherry Sweetman, March 1987, prepared for the National Institute of Justice. Research by Harlan Girard.) (B) "The Electromagnetic Spectrum in Low-Intensity Conflict" by Captain Paul Tyler, MC, USN quotes the above passage and further elaborates on the theme. (Published in Low Intensity Conflict and Modern Technology, Lt. Col. David J. Dean, USAF, ed., Air University Press, Maxwell AFB, AL. Research by Harlan Girard.) (C) On 02/10/86, Cleve Backster's lab was visited by National Research Council's Committee on Techniques for the Enhancement of Human Performance. The NRC was evaluating enhancement and parapsychological studies conducted for the Army. So it is likely that Backster's research was involved with the Government. (National Research Council, Enhancing Human Performance, National Academy of Sciences, 1988, pg 193-8) (D) Mighty Oaks In April 1986 just before the Chernobyl disaster, the U.S. had a failed hydrogen test at the Nevada Test Site called "Mighty Oaks". This test - conducted far underground - consisted of a hydrogen bomb explosion in one chamber with a leaded steel door to the chamber (2 meters thick) closing within milliseconds of the blast.
The door was to allow only the first radioactive beam to escape into the "control room" in which expensive instrumentation was located. The radiation was to be captured as a weapon beam. The door failed to close as quickly as planned, causing the radioactive gases and debris to fill the control room and destroying millions of dollars worth of equipment. The experiment was part of a program to develop X-ray and particle beam weapons.
The radioactive releases from Mighty Oaks were vented under a "licensed venting" and were likely responsible for many of the North American nuclear fallout reports in May 1986, which were attributed to the Chernobyl disaster. (E) According to the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (83:4007-4011), HIV and VISNA are highly similar and share all structural elements except for a small segment which is nearly identical to HTLV. This leads to speculation that HTLV and VISNA may have been linked to produce a new retrovirus to which no natural immunity exists. (F) A report to Congress reveals that the U.S. Government's current generation of biological agents includes modified viruses, naturally occurring toxins, and agents that are altered through genetic engineering to change immunological character and prevent treatment by all existing vaccines.
1987 (A) In 1987, Pandolfi invited UFOlogist Bruce Maccabee "to give a general lecture to [CIA] employees on UFOs and MJ-12". (Maccabee's response to AIR) (B) Department of Defense admits that despite a treaty banning research and development of biological agents, it continues to operate research facilities at 127 facilities and universities around the Nation.
1988 (A) After retiring from the Army in 1988, John Alexander joined the Los Alamos National Laboratories and began working with Janet Morris, the Research Director of the U.S. Global Strategy Council (USGSC) chaired by Dr Ray Cline (deceased) former Deputy Director of the CIA." (B) The Pentagon is ordered by courts to cease EMP tests at several locations due to a lawsuit filed by an environmental group. (From The Washington Post, May 15, 1988, see "US and Soviets Develop Death Ray", Resonance 11, p 10. Research by Remy Chevalier.) (C) Senator Claiborne Pell from Rhode Island. Member of the Council on Foreign Relations and the Club of Rome. Decorated by the Knights of Malta. Along with Charlie Rose, Pell is one of Washington's biggest supporters of psychic research. In1988, he introduced a bill to get government funding for the New Age group the National Committee on Human Resources (Al Gore was a co-sponsor). He is also on the advisory board of the International Association of Near-Death Studies and on the board of the Institute of Noetic Sciences and the Human Potential Foundation. For 7 years, Claiborne Pell employed C.B. Scott Jones as an aide (Gardner, Martin, "Clairborne Pell: The Senator From Outer Space", Skeptical Inquirer, March/April 1996). Chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee. Pell was a close friend of BCCI figure Clark Clifford. (Truell, Peter and Gurwin, Larry, False Profits, Houghton Mifflin Company, 1992, pg 240)
1989 (A) MUFON appointed C.B. Scott Jones as a Special Consultant in International Relations (B) TRIDENT/ ONR, NSA: Electronic directed targeting of individuals or populations Targeting: Large population groups assembled Display: Black helicopters flying in triad formation of three Power: 100,000 watts Frequency: UHF Purpose: Large group management and behavior control, riot control Allied Agencies: FEMA Pseudonym: "Black Triad" A.E.M.C (C) Human Potential Foundation founder and president C.B. Scott Jones. Board members include Clark Sandground and Claiborne Pell. Received original funding from Laurance Rockefeller. Passes funds from Rockefeller to UFO abduction researcher John Mack. Worked with Dr. Igor Smirnov. (D) Michael Persinger feels that he is able to replicate alien abduction and other supernatural phenomena through the use of 3 solenoids (attached to a modified motorcycle helmet) passing a magnetic pulse through the frontal lobes of the brain. Solenoids are called "magnetic coils" by psychiatrists, who use them as a non-intrusive alternative to implantable electrodes for stimulating the brain. (see Hallett, Mark and Cohen, Leonardo, "Magnetism: a New Method for Stimulation of Nerve and Brain", JAMA, 7/28/89, pg 530) (E) John Alexander: "I have served as chief of Advanced Human Technology for the Army Intelligence and Security Command (1982-84) and - during the preparation of the EHP [Enhancing Human Performance] report - was director of the Advanced Systems Concepts Office at the U.S. Army Laboratory Command."
Alexander stated that "..psychotronic weapons lack traditional scientific documentation, and I do not suggest that research projects be carried out in that field." (Alexander, Col. John, "A Challenge to the Report", New Realities, March/April 1989) (F) Psi Tech founded in 1989 by president Ed Dames. Their vice-president is Jonina Dourif. A "John L. Turner" is listed as a monitor. Board Members include John B. Alexander and Gen. Albert Stubblebine.
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2019.11.28 05:40 TheGhostofHomer Percy Jackson and the Olympians season 1 episode 4 fan script (pt 2)

This picks up right where part 1 left off. Enjoy!

EXT – DOWNTOWN DENVER – AFTERNOON, ONE DAY LATER
The kids wander the streets of downtown Denver.
ANNABETH:
We need to contact CHIRON. I want to tell him about your talk with the river spirit.
PERCY:
(Slightly irritated)
We don’t have a phone, ANNABETH.
ANNABETH:
(Sighing)
You’re not gonna let that go, are you?
PERCY:
(Blunt)
No.
ANNABETH:
Anyway, I know a way we can contact CHIRON without a phone. But first, we need to find some mist.
PERCY:
The magic kind?
ANNABETH:
No, the normal kind.
GROVER:
There’s a do-it-yourself car wash over there.
ANNABETH:
(Smiles, pleased)
That’ll work.
PERCY:
(Confused)
Work? Work for what?
ANNABETH ignores PERCY, and they head to the car wash stall farthest from the road. GROVER grabs the spray gun, and gives it a disappointed look.
GROVER:
(Groaning)
It’s seventy-five cents, and I’ve only got two quarters. ANNABETH?
ANNABETH:
(Bashful)
Sorry, I spent all my money in the dining car. PERCY?
PERCY:
(Digs around in pockets, pulls out a quarter)
Here.
GROVER:
Sweet, dude. We could do this with a spray bottle, but the connection’s not always great. Besides, my arm gets tired of pumping.
PERCY:
So does anyone want to explain what we’re doing?
GROVER:
I-M’ing.
PERCY:
(Smirks, raises eye brow)
Instant messaging?
(Makes hand phone gesture)
Hello, 2004 department?
ANNABETH:
(Rolls eyes)
Not instant messaging, seaweed brain, Iris messaging. Iris, the rainbow goddess, carries messages for the gods. If you ask nicely, and give her an offering, she’ll do the same for demigods.
PERCY:
An offering? What, like a human sacrifice?
ANNABETH:
(Ignores his joke, holds out her hand)
Drachma, please.
PERCY fishes his last drachma out of his pocket, and hands it to ANNABETH. GROVER points the spray nozzle in the air, spraying a wave of fine mist, which creates a mini-rainbow.
ANNABETH:
(Closes eyes, holds drachma above her head)
O IRIS, goddess of the Rainbow, accept my offering.
ANNABETH throws the drachma into the rainbow, and the golden coin shimmers and disappears in a golden flash.
ANNABETH:
Show me CHIRON at CAMP HALF-BLOOD.
The rainbow shimmers, and to PERCY’S surprise, the light forms a hologram, not of CHIRON, but of LUKE, his back turned to the kids.
PERCY:
LUKE!
LUKE:
(Surprised, turns around, grins)
PERCY, ANNABETH! Thank the gods! Are you guys okay?
ANNABETH:
(Awkward, fixing hair)
W-we’re fine. We, um… we actually asked for CHIRON. Is he-
LUKE:
He’s down at the cabins. We’re having some issues with the campers. Is GROVER there?
GROVER:
I’m here, dude!
(Leans over so LUKE can see him)
What kind of issues?
A Lincoln Continental pulls up in the stall next to the kids, blasting hip hop on full bass, shaking the ground.
LUKE:
(Shouting over the blasting music)
He had to- what’s that noise?
ANNABETH:
I’ll take care of it. Come on, GROVER.
GROVER:
(Confused)
What? But I have to hold the-
ANNABETH:
(Slightly irritated, assertive)
Give the nozzle to PERCY, and come with me, goat.
GROVER:
(Grumbling, hands PERCY the nozzle)
I swear, girls make less sense than the ORACLE…
GROVER follows ANNABETH to confront the driver of the Lincoln, and PERCY readjusts the hose so he can hold it and see LUKE at the same time.
LUKE:
(Shouting)
Anyway, CHIRON had to break up a fight. Things are getting pretty crazy here, man. Someone leaked the news about the ZEUS and POSEIDON standoff to the rest of camp; probably the same bdelyròs who let in the Hellhound. It’s shaping up just like the Trojan war, ARES, APOLLO and APHRODITE cabins are all backing POSEIDON, and ATHENA cabin’s backing ZEUS.
(Bdelyròs: Ancient Greek; bastard, villain; pronouced Ba-del-ee-ros)
PERCY:
(Raises eyebrow, a bit disgusted)
CLARISSE’S cabin is on my side?
LUKE:
(Frowns, thinking)
… More or less.
PERCY:
… I don’t know how to feel about that.
LUKE:
So what’s going on? You guys okay?
PERCY:
Well, let’s see. Almost as soon as we left camp, we got attacked by all three Furies, I ruined a perfectly good bus, we visited a garden gnome emporium, which was actually MEDUSA’S lair, so we chopped off her head, we got advice from a poodle, hopped on a train, visited the Gateway Arch, blew it up, then I plunged to my death, met a river spirit, and now we’re basically homeless somewhere in Denver and I’ve become a known fugitive.
LUKE:
(Surprised)
… Oh.
(Smiles and nods)
Sounds like you’re having a good time. Wish I could be there. We can’t really help you from here at camp, but… listen, man, the Lightning Thief… it has to be HADES. He was at the Winter Solstice council, I saw him myself.
PERCY:
HADES was at OLYMPUS?
LUKE:
Yep. It’s the only time he allowed to visit. Darkest day of the year and all.
PERCY:
(Frowns)
But CHIRON said gods aren’t allowed to steal other gods weapons.
LUKE:
Yeah, but do you really think HADES cares about the rules? Besides, HADES has the HELM OF DARKNESS, it let’s him become invisible. I mean, can you think of anyone else who can do that? Invisibility would be the perfect power to steal something that important.
An awkward silence forms between them.
LUKE:
(Realizes what he said, ashamed)
Oh, I, uh… I wasn’t trying to accuse ANNABETH of anything. I’ve known her for years, she wouldn’t even steal a candy bar. She’s… she’s like my little sister, man.
PERCY:
(Mutters under breath)
For some reason I don’t think she’d like that description…
Suddenly, the blaring music stops, a man screams, and the Lincoln peels out of the car wash.
LUKE:
(Confused)
What was that about?
PERCY:
(Blunt)
Not a clue.
LUKE:
(Eyes get wide, grins)
Oh! The flying shoes I gave you, you like them?
PERCY:
(Uncomfortable, trying not to seem like a liar)
Oh, yeah, the shoes! They, um, they fit like a, uh… a glove.
LUKE:
That’s great! Have they come in handy yet?
PERCY:
Oh, absolutely. Super handy.
The timer on the spray gun runs out, and the image of LUKE starts to dissipate.
LUKE:
Bye, PERCY. Be careful out there, man.
(The image has almost entirely faded)
And tell GROVER it’ll be okay this time. No one will get turned into a pine tree as long as-
The misty image disappears before LUKE can finish talking. GROVER and ANNABETH come back into PERCY’S stall, laughing.
ANNABETH:
(Curious)
Hey, PERCY, what happened? What did LUKE say?
PERCY:
Uh… not much. Let’s get some grub.
INT – CHROME DINER – LATER
PERCY, ANNABETH, and GROVER sit in a booth in a chrome diner, waiting for someone to take their order, and they overhear a conversation between two other patrons.
DINER PATRON #1:
Man, you hear about that PERCY JACKSON kid?
The kids all become very anxious and nervous.
DINER PATRON #2:
Yeah, the guy who blew up the St. Louis Arch?
DINER PATRON #1:
It’s crazy, man. What kind of world do we live in where you have some eleven year old kid going on a terror spree?
PERCY:
(Irritated, assertive)
Twelve.
GROVER’S jaw drops, and ANNABETH slowly turns her head to face PERCY, giving him a look that says ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
PERCY:
(Realizes what he said, frantic)
I mean, uh… I heard he was twelve. O-on the news.
ANNABETH:
(Eyes get wide, gets an idea)
Really? I heard he was, like, uh… sixteen. But he looks like he’s twenty. And he had blue eyes, not green. And he had, like, this weird emo haircut.
PERCY:
(Frowns, confused)
What are you-
(Realizes what she’s doing)
Oh! Yeah, and I heard that the girl he’s with is, uh… a brunette. And she was pale as a sheet, not tan at all. And she also had blue eyes, not gray.
GROVER:
(Stammering)
Y-yeah! And the other guy he’s with was a super fit, suave, smooth bad boy. Nothing like me at all.
PERCY, ANNABETH and GROVER all look directly into the camera.
DINER PATRON #1:
(Confused)
Huh… okay…
The kids all giggle and chuckle, then PERCY has a thought, and becomes a bit more serious.
PERCY:
Hey, guys, earlier when I was talking to LUKE, he mentioned that HADES-
GROVER:
(Uncomfortable)
Um, PERCY? We’re in a public place. Do you mean… Our friend downstairs?
PERCY:
Yeah. Our friend way downstairs. LUKE said that he has a magic item called The HELM OF DARKNESS.
ANNABETH:
(Nodding)
It’s his symbol of power, kinda like ZEUS’S MASTER BOLT and your dad’s trident. I saw it by his throne during the Winter Solstice council.
PERCY:
LUKE said it let’s him become invisible, like your hat.
ANNABETH:
Yeah, but the HELM is way more powerful than my cap. It literally let’s the wearer become darkness. It lets him walk through walls, melt into shadows, and he can’t be seen, touched, or heard.
GROVER:
I’ve heard that the HELM can radiate fear so powerful it can stop your heart, dude. That’s why people are afraid of the dark.
PERCY:
Oh. So… how do we know he’s not right here, watching us?
A cold silence fills the air, and the kids all exchange nervous looks.
GROVER:
(Blunt)
We don’t.
PERCY:
Oh. That’s a nice thought.
ANNABETH:
(Sarcastic)
Yeah, thanks PERCY. I totally wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight or anything.
A waitress comes to the kids table.
WAITRESS:
(Curt, uninterested)
What can I get ya’ll?
PERCY:
We’ll have three- no, six bacon cheese burgers, six large fries and three large chocolate milkshakes.
GROVER:
And onion rings.
WAITRESS:
You got money to pay for all that?
PERCY’S grin fades, and he realizes that they’re all broke.
ANNABETH:
(Uncomfortable)
Um… well…
PERCY:
(Trying to sound sad)
Well, you see, we were on a road trip with our aunt and uncle, and we got separated from them and-
Suddenly, the door flies open, and a huge, buff man with slick black hair steps in, wearing a black leather duster over a red muscle shirt, black combat boots, and wraparound shades with red lenses, and a huge hunting knife strapped to his thigh. As he enters the diner, everyone except for PERCY and his friends get up and face him. The man waves his hand dismissively, and they all sit down again.
WAITRESS:
(Blinks several times as if her brain has been restarted)
You got money to pay for all that?
BUFF MAN:
(Friendly but gruff)
It’s on me.
The buff man slides into the booth with ANNABETH, squishing her against the window. The waitress stares at the buff man, a bit confused.
BUFF MAN:
(Irritated)
You still here?
The man’s eyes glow red behind his shades, and the waitress stiffens, spins around, and marches rigidly back towards the kitchen. PERCY gets a look of hatred on his face.
BUFF MAN:
(Grinning)
So, your ol’ Barnacle Beard’s kid, eh?
PERCY:
(Trying not to lose his temper)
What’s it to you?
ANNABETH:
(Anxious)
Um, PERCY, this is-
BUFF MAN:
(Holds up hand dismissively, smiles smugly)
It’s all good, sweetheart. I don’t mind a little attitude, long as he remembers who’s number one. You know who I am, little cousin?
PERCY:
(Glaring)
CLARISSE’S old man. ARES, the war god.
ARES:
(Lowers shades, reveals his eyes are hollow sockets, glowing with fiery energy)
In the flesh. I heard you broke my baby girl’s spear.
PERCY:
(Blunt)
She had it coming.
ARES:
(Shrugs, pushes shades back up)
Probably. It’s cool, though. I don’t like fightin’ my kids battles for ‘em, ya know?
PERCY:
The hell you want, ARES?
ANNABETH gives PERCY a warning look.
ARES:
Well, listen up, kiddos. I’ve gotta little proposition for you. A side quest, if you will.
The waitress comes back with the kids burgers, fries, onion rings and milkshakes, sets all the food down on the table.
ARES:
(Hands the waitress a few drachmas)
Keep the change, sweetheart.
WAITRESS:
(Confused)
But… these aren’t…
ARES pulls out huge hunting knife, starts cleaning his fingernails, and the waitress gulps and scurries back to the kitchen.
PERCY:
(Irritated, assertive)
The hell’s wrong with you? You can’t threaten people with a knife!
ARES:
(Grinning)
Sure you can! Let me tell you something, kid. This country’s the best place since Sparta. Besides, don’t act like you ain’t packing heat. It’s a tough world out there. Which brings me back to my proposition. I need you kiddos to do me a favor.
PERCY:
(Snorts)
What god needs a half-blood to do a favor for him?
ARES:
A god who’s too busy to do it himself. Don’t worry though, it’s nothing big. I left my shield at an abandoned water park. I was on a date with my boo, and we got interrupted, had to leave in a rush. Left my shield behind. Need you to fetch it for me.
PERCY:
Why don’t you do it yourself?
ARES:
(Angry, eyes glowing orange behind his shades)
Why don’t I turn ya into a prairie dog and run you over with my Harley?
(Calms down, eyes stop glowing)
Cuz I don’t feel like it. A god is givin’ ya an opportunity to prove yourself, PERCY JACKSON. Will you prove yourself a coward?
(Leans in, gets in PERCY’S face)
Or maybe you only pick a fight when there’s a river nearby so daddy can save you?
PERCY:
(Shaking with fury, takes a deep breath, calms down)
We’re not interested. Besides, we’ve already got a quest on our hands.
ARES:
(Eyes glowing, sneers)
I know about you punks and your little quest. When the MASTER BOLT went missing, ZEUS sent his best trackers looking for it. APOLLO, ARTEMIS, ATHENA, and of course, yours truly. And if I couldn’t sniff out a weapon that powerful…
(Scratches chin, looks off into space, grins wickedly, then clears his throat)
Anyway, If I can’t find the MATER BOLT, then you’ve got no chance. Besides, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. Your pops and I go way back. I’m the one who told him ol’ Death Breath is probably the one who stole the MASTER BOLT.
PERCY:
(Suspicious)
You told him HADES is the Lightning Thief?
ARES:
(Smug)
Sure did. Framing someone to start a war? Oldest trick in the book. I recognized it immediately. So in a way, you got me to thank for your quest.
PERCY:
(Sarcastic)
Thanks.
ARES:
Hey, I’m a generous guy. Just complete my little side quest, and I can get you a ride.
PERCY:
Thanks for the offer, but we’re doing fine on our own.
ARES:
Uh huh. No money, no wheels, no idea what the road has in store for you.
PERCY stays silent for a moment, looking out the window. ANNABETH timidly sips her milkshake, and GROVER nervously picks at his fries.
ARES:
(Strokes chin)
All right, let me sweeten the pot. Fetch my shield, and not only will I get you a ride, I’ll tell you something about your mom.
PERCY:
(Eyes wide, excited)
My mom?
ARES:
(Smug)
The water park’s a half mile West on Delancy. Can’t miss it. Look for the Thrill Ride o’ Love.
PERCY:
(Smirks)
What interrupted your date? Something scare you?
ARES:
(Sneers, eye twitches)
You should be glad you ran into me and not one of the other OLYMPIANS, punk. They not as chill about disrespect as I am. Meet me back here once you have my shield. Don’t let me down.
PERCY blinks several times, and is surprised to see ARES has vanished, as if he was never there at all.
GROVER:
(Anxious)
This can’t be good.
ANNABETH:
Yeah, ARES isn’t the type of god to seek out help for noble intentions.
PERCY:
It’s probably a trick. Forget ARES. We’ll just hitchhike, or hotwire a car.
ANNABETH:
No, we can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I hate ARES too, but it’s never a good idea to ignore a god’s request. Besides, I don’t think he was kidding about the prairie dog thing.
PERCY:
(Thinking, suspicious)
Why would a god need us for such a simple task?
ANNABETH:
(Shrugs)
Well, ARES is really strong, but that’s about it. Might be a problem that needs some thinking. Strength has to bow to wisdom once in a while.
PERCY:
Yeah, but he seemed… nervous. Almost scared. What could make the war god run away from a water park?
ANNABETH and GROVER exchange a nervous look.
ANNABETH:
I guess well have to find out.
PERCY:
Alright, but let me finish my burger.
(Grabs burger, takes huge bite)
EXT – DOWNTOWN DENVER – ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER, SUNSET
The kids approach a rundown, abandoned water park closed off by a chain link fence with barbed wire at the top, and a rusted, worn sign that reads: WATERLAND.
PERCY:
(Raises an eyebrow)
If this is where ARES brings his girlfriend, I’d hate to see what she looks like.
ANNABETH:
(Concerned, warning)
Um, PERCY? You probably shouldn’t say stuff like that.
PERCY:
Why? I thought you hate ARES.
ANNABETH:
(Blunt)
Oh, I do. But he’s still a god, and his girlfriend is super easily offended.
PERCY:
Who is she, ECHIDNA?
GROVER:
Nope. APHRODITE.
(Grins dreamily, looks off into space)
Goddess of looove.
PERCY:
(Curious)
I thought APHRODITE was married to HEPHAESTUS, the blacksmith god.
GROVER:
What’s your point?
PERCY:
(Uncomfortable)
Well… y-you know… if she’s married, then- you know what, forget it. How do we get in?
GROVER:
Ahem. Maia!
GROVER hovers over the fence with his magic shoes, and lands gracefully on the other side.
PERCY:
(A bit irritated)
… Okay but how do we get in?
ANNABETH:
(Sighs, starts climbing up fence)
Come on, seaweed brain.
PERCY climbs up the fence with ANNABETH, and holds down the barbed wire for her. Once she gets over, she does the same for him, and they both jump down. The kids cautiously wander around the park, keeping an eye out for monsters, and pass by several attractions, such as ‘Ankle Biter Island’, ‘Head Over Wedgie’, and ‘Dude, Where’s My Swimsuit?’. Eventually, they find their way to the gift shop, and find a rack of Waterland themed clothes.
ANNABETH:
(Sighing with relief)
Finally. After four days, fresh clothes.
PERCY:
Yeah, but we can’t just-
ANNABETH:
Watch me.
ANNABETH grabs some clothes, and disappears into the changing room. PERCY and GROVER look back and forth between each other, and the rack of clothes
GROVER:
(Shrugs)
What the hell.
The boys grab some clothes, and go into the boys changing room. A few minutes later, the kids all continue wandering around the park, dressed in their new Waterland themed clothes, ANNABETH in a red shirt, PERCY in a blue one, and GROVER in a black and white hibiscus pattern Hawaiian shirt.
PERCY:
So… APHRODITE and ARES… they have a thing?
ANNABETH:
Pft. That’s old news, PERCY. Like, three thousand year old news.
PERCY:
What about her husband?
ANNABETH:
Well, HEPHAESTUS was crippled when he was a baby, after ZEUS threw him off MOUNT OLYMPUS, so he’s not exactly Mr. Handsome McHandsomeface. Good with his hands, but that’s not really what APHRODITE’S into.
PERCY:
(Grinning mischievously)
Ooo, she’s got a thing for bad boys, huh? Well, I bet she’d love me, cuz… I’m bad at everything.
Awkward silence.
PERCY:
Get it? Because I said bad-
ANNABETH:
(Irritated)
Yeah, I got it, PERCY. Hilarious.
PERCY:
Sooo… HEPHAESTUS knows about their dirty little secret?
ANNABETH:
Oh, absolutely. He caught them together once. Literally. He trapped them in a magic golden net, and invited all the other gods to come laugh at them. He’s always trying to embarrass them, which is why they meet in out of the way places like-
(Stops, looks straight ahead)
-Well, like this.
The kids approach a huge, empty bowl shaped pool, about fifty yards wide, with a dozen golden cupid statues around the rim, and the opening to a tunnel on the opposite side, with a sign over the entrance that reads: THE THRILL RIDE O’ LOVE: NOT YOUR PARENTS TUNNEL OF LOVE!
PERCY:
(Surprised)
Woah. This would be awesome for skateboarding.
GROVER:
(Points to bottom of pool)
Dudes, look.
PERCY and ANNABETH look to where GROVER is pointing, and see a pink-and-white two-seater boat, with a pink canopy over the top and little hearts painted on the sides, and a large bronze shield in the seat.
PERCY:
This seems way too easy. We just go down there and grab it?
ANNABETH heads over to the nearest cupid statue, and notices a little ‘H’ symbol engraved on the base.
ANNABETH:
Look. There’s a Greek letter carved here. An Eta.
PERCY:
(Heads over to statue, leans in, raises eyebrow)
ANNABETH, that’s an ‘H’.
ANNABETH:
No, it’s an Eta, the Greek equivalent of ‘H’.
PERCY:
(Squints, slightly annoyed)
… Like I said, it’s an ‘H’, wise girl.
ANNABETH:
(Rolls eyes)
Okay, PERCY, it’s an ‘H’.
PERCY:
G-man, you smell any monsters?
GROVER:
(Sniffs air)
Nothing, dude.
PERCY:
Like, didn’t-smell-ECHIDNA-in-the-Arch-nothing, or actually nothing?
GROVER:
(Hurt)
Dude, I told you, underground always smell like monsters!
PERCY:
(Holds up hands, defensive)
Okay, okay, I’m sorry.
(Looks down into the empty pool)
I’m going in. ANNABETH, come with me.
ANNABETH:
(Embarrassed, surprised)
I-I’m not going in there with you!
PERCY:
(Confused)
Why not?
ANNABETH:
B-because it’s the Tunnel of Love, seaweed brain!
(Eyes dart around nervously)
W-what if someone sees us?
PERCY:
(Looks around the empty park, throws his arms out)
Who?
ANNABETH:
(Huffy, stubborn)
Why don’t you have GROVER go with you?
GROVER:
Yeah, I’ll come with you, dude!
PERCY:
Sorry, G-man, I need you to stay here, just in case. You’re my Red Baron, remember?
GROVER:
(Puffs up chest)
Yeah, right. Red Baron.
PERCY:
(Turns to ANNABETH)
Besides, it’d be kinda weird if me and GROVER went into the Tunnel of Love.
ANNABETH:
(Annoyed)
First of all, it’s ‘GROVER and I’, not ‘Me and GROVER’, and second of all, it’d be weird if we went in there too, PERCY.
PERCY:
(Baffled)
Why?
ANNABETH:
(Flustered)
Do you really want to have this conversation?
PERCY:
(Rolls eyes)
Whatever. I’ll do it myself.
ANNABETH:
(Sighs, annoyed)
Ugh, fine, I’ll come if you insist. You’ll probably mess up somehow.
PERCY stares at her as she slowly climbs down into the pool, and she irritably looks back at him.
ANNABETH:
(Awkward, embarrassed)
Coming?
PERCY:
(Confused)
Um… yeah, I’m… I’m coming.
ANNABETH:
(Rolls eyes, huffs)
Boys.
As ANNABETH descends into the empty pool, PERCY turns to GROVER, throws out his arms in exasperation, and mouths the word ‘What?’, to which GROVER just shrugs. PERCY rolls his eyes, and makes his way down the side of the pool. When they reach the boat, PERCY looks up, and notices something.
PERCY:
Huh. Just realized why ARES and APHRODITE chose this place for their date.
ANNABETH:
Why?
PERCY:
So when they’re making out, they can look at their favorite people.
(Points up to edge of pool)
ANNABETH looks up to where PERCY is pointing, and sees about a dozen heart shaped mirrors along the inner rim.
ANNABETH:
(Smirks)
Themselves. And they say romance is dead.
PERCY:
(Blunt)
It is. Alright, let’s grab the-
PERCY takes a closer look at the boat, and notices a strange, pink silk scarf that seems to be glowing gently. He cautiously picks it up, and begins grinning dreamily. He puts the scarf up to his nose, and takes a deep breath.
PERCY:
(Relaxed, smiling gently)
Oooh… mmm… oh yeah… that’s nice…
ANNABETH:
(Snatches scarf away from PERCY, scolding)
Uh uh. No love magic for you, mister.
PERCY:
(Confused)
Wait, what?
ANNABETH:
(Stuffs scarf in her new backpack, embarrassed)
I’m keeping this for… um… research purposes. Now grab the shield so we can hit the road.
PERCY:
(Rolls eyes, sarcastic)
Yes, your highness.
(Starts climbing into boat)
ANNABETH:
(Notices a pink letter ‘H’ on side of boat, leans over, curious)
There’s another ‘Eta’ on the side of the boat…
(Eyes get wide)
HEPHAESTUS… PERCY! Wait, it’s a-
PERCY reaches for the shield, breaking a nearly invisible bronze wire.
ANNABETH:
(Winces)
-Trap.
PERCY:
(Blunt)
Too late.
The pool begins to rumble as the sound of giant moving gears fills the air, and PERCY and ANNABETH start looking around nervously.
GROVER:
(Worried)
Um, dudes?
The cupid statues around the rim of the pool raise their bows, and begin firing their arrows with some sort of golden threads attached. The arrows anchor into the rim of the pool, the threads creating a sort of asterisk over the top.
ANNABETH:
(Alarmed, annoyed)
I’m such a vlákas! HEPHAESTUS must’ve made this trap to catch his wife cheating on him!
(Vlákas: Greek insult; Fool, moron)
PERCY:
(Urgent)
We gotta get out of here.
ANNABETH:
(Sarcastic)
Wow, really?
PERCY grabs the shield, he and ANNABETH trudge up the side of the pool, and when they get about halfway to the top, they notice the little golden threads start sprouting new, smaller threads, weaving in and out of the main strands, forming a net.
GROVER:
Come on! I’ll hold it open!
GROVER tries to hold the threads apart, but wherever he touches the net, the golden threads start weaving around his fingers.
GROVER:
(Surprised, pulls hands back)
Ah!
Suddenly, the heads of the cupid statues pop open, revealing video cameras, and spot lights begin rising out of the ground.
LOUDSPEAKER:
Live to OLYMPUS in one minute.
Suddenly, the heart shaped mirrors all open up, and thousands of small, metallic spiders pour out, scrambling towards PERCY and ANNABETH.
PERCY:
Well, crap.
ANNABETH:
(Panicking)
Eeek! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!! Sp- spi- aaaahhh!
ANNABETH staggers back in terror, PERCY uncaps Riptide, and starts hacking and slashing at the little robotic spiders. A few spiders jumps up on ANNABETH, who shrieks and falls backwards. PERCY kicks the spiders off her, helps her up, and pulls her back to the boat. PERCY continues slashing at the hordes of spiders, and ANNABETH, still shrieking and screaming, clings to PERCY.
LOUDSPEAKER:
Thirty seconds.
The spiders begin spitting out strands of bronze threads, trying to tie PERCY and ANNABETH down, but PERCY manages to rip most of it off, kicking a spider away from ANNABETH in the process.
PERCY:
(Irritated)
Are you gonna help me or just scream in my ear?
ANNABETH:
(Trembling, clinging to PERCY’S side)
AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!
PERCY:
(Slashes spider in half as it jumps at him)
Alright then.
GROVER flies above the net, trying to pull it open to no avail. PERCY glances over his shoulder at the entrance to the tunnel, and then notices water pipes behind the mirrors. He also notices a glass-windowed booth by one of the cupid statues, and gets an idea.
PERCY:
(Urgent)
GROVER! Get to the control booth! Turn on the water!
GROVER:
(Determined)
No, I can get the net-
PERCY:
GROVER, just do it!
LOUDSPEAKER:
Fifteen seconds.
GROVER reluctantly heads to the control booth, and the spiders begin closing in. ANNABETH, on the verge of tears, clings tighter to PERCY’S side, and PERCY hacks and slashes even more furiously at the metallic spiders. GROVER begins frantically smacking buttons, throwing levers, and flipping switches, but nothing happens. Several spiders get into the boat, and PERCY begins stabbing and kicking them away from a shrieking ANNABETH.
GROVER:
(Shouting)
Nothing’s working, dude!
LOUDSPEAKER:
Ten seconds. Nine. Eight-
PERCY scowls in defeat, then gets a determined look on his face. He sheaths Riptide, then closes his eyes, focusing.
LOUDSPEAKER:
Seven… six…
ANNABETH:
(Freaking out)
PERCY!!! W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-
LOUDSPEAKER:
Five… four…
The spiders begin climbing in the boat, petrifying ANNABETH, who begins shaking uncontrollably.
ANNABETH:
(Desperate)
PERCY…
LOUDSPEAKER:
Three… two…
ANNABETH:
(Tears streaming down her face)
Please…
LOUDSPEAKER:
One.
PERCY opens his eyes, which are glowing blueish-green, and stretches his arms out. Suddenly, water explodes from the pipes, washing the robotic spiders away. PERCY fastens a petrified ANNABETH into the left seat of the boat just before the water hits the boat, sweeping away the spiders in the boat. The water swirls the spiders around, slamming them against the concrete walls, short-circuiting them. As the water fills the pool, PERCY commands the boat to head to the tunnel entrance, then sits next to ANNABETH and fastens his seat belt. As the water level continues to rise, the bronze net rips off the boat canopy, and just before it shreds off PERCY and ANNABETH’S heads, the boat reaches the tunnel entrance, tips downwards, and plummets into the dark tunnel. PERCY and ANNABETH hold each other tight, screaming in terror as they zip and turn and twist past images of all sorts of love themed images.
PERCY:
(Shouting, but trying to sound calm)
You know, under different circumstances, this might be pretty nice.
ANNABETH:
(Screaming at top of lungs)
Shut up shut up shut up this is so embarrassing!!!
The boat shoots out of the other side of the tunnel, and flies down the ramp towards the Gates of Love, which are chained and barricaded with several broken boats. PERCY realizes that they’re going to crash, but gets an idea.
PERCY:
(Urgent)
ANNABETH! Do you trust me?
ANNABETH:
(Worried)
Not really!
PERCY:
(Begins unfastening his seat belt, straps ARES’S shield to his arm)
Good! Unfasten your seat belt!
ANNABETH:
(Eyes wide)
Are you crazy?
PERCY:
Just do it!
ANNABETH starts to understand what PERCY’S plan is, unfastens her seat belt, and takes PERCY’S hand.
PERCY:
On my mark!
ANNABETH:
No, on my mark!
PERCY:
(Irritated)
Why?
ANNABETH:
Look, force times the trajectory angle-
PERCY:
(Blunt)
Okay, shut up. On your mark.
They speed towards the barricade, PERCY getting an anxious look on his face.
ANNABETH:
(Hesitant)
And… jump!
PERCY and ANNABETH, still holding hands, jump from their boat just as it crashes into the barricade, and they fly over the Gates of Love.
PERCY:
(Excited)
Whoooooooo!!! Yeah!
(Realizes they’re about to land on solid concrete)
Crap…
GROVER: (O.S.)
I got you, dudes!
GROVER swoops in with his magic shoes, and grabs PERCY and ANNABETH by their arms. He manages to slow the fall, but he quickly begins losing his grip.
GROVER:
(Struggling, groaning)
You’re too heavy! I can’t-
GROVER drops PERCY and ANNABETH a few feet from the ground, they tumble around for a moment, and GROVER crashes into a photo-board. After getting over the shock, ANNABETH realizes she’s lying on top of PERCY, and they quickly get up, embarrassed. PERCY helps GROVER up, and claps him on the shoulder.
PERCY:
Thanks, Red Baron.
GROVER:
(Grinning)
No problem, dude.
PERCY turns to see the cupid-camera statues have swiveled towards them, still filming.
PERCY:
That’s all, folks! Good night!
The cameras and spotlights turn off, PERCY heaves the shield up, and turns to his friends.
PERCY:
(Serious)
We gotta have a little talk with ARES.

Part three will be out in a bit.
submitted by TheGhostofHomer to camphalfblood [link] [comments]


2019.01.08 04:13 neorandomizer [SF] Free Are the Stars Part 2 of 3

Natsuki and John were having the same argument they’d been having since the morning after their wedding.
“John you should be the chairman,” Natsuki said one more time.
With a sigh Hull replied, “Honey look the board has already accepted you as chairwoman and it's what your father wants and my father wanted.”
“Do we always have to follow their wishes?”
“It's the price the prince and princess have to pay, Natsuki. Anyway you’re better at it than me. I’m a pilot and an engineer, not a CEO.”
“Bullshit! You run Orbital just fine!”
They went back and forth for like this for a few minutes until Hull changed the subject: “Are the contact lenses still bothering you?” As a wedding present, Hull had bought Natsuki one of the new personal computers, with contact lens screens and an ear piece for audio and neural control. The CPU itself was a little larger than a twentieth-century credit card, and fit easily in a pocket or a belt pouch. It could connect with the habitat systems by wireless network.
“A little, and don't change the subject!” said Natsuki; but she knew he was right: she would have to bear the responsibility of what was to come. Over Natsuki's objection, the board had created a subcommittee with full authority to take whatever actions necessary to win independence for the Habitat and the Moon. It was a small subcommittee with only two members: Natsuki Nakamura and John Hull.
#
Daichi Nakamura moved from the family summer home near Mount Fuji to his apartment in Tokyo, where he could more easily lobby the government. He had many friends in the various ministries and many favors he was now calling in. The meeting was informal, in the very formal way only fully understood by the Japanese. Nakamura smiled his thanks at the women dressed as a traditional geisha who poured tea for himself and an old college friend. The friend was now a member of the Diet, and part of the prime ministers’ own faction. After the geishas finished and left the room, the conversation continued.
“Old friend, I am sorry. The Prime Minister is receiving heavy pressure from the Americans to back the takeover of the consortium and the conservatives in the Diet are backing the move.”
“So, we are still the lap dogs to Washington’s wishes?” Nakamura replied with ironic venom.
“It is not so easy, Daichi san. The crises in China and India have made our ties to America all the more important. Besides, they have promised us control of the helium-3 production on the Moon,” the friend replied.
“And they hold the strings that the puppet government dances to!” There was some anger in Nakamura’s voice now. He had hoped to at the very least that Tokyo would be neutral, but it seemed Washington was holding most of the cards again.
Weeks of cajoling, promising, and even bribing from Nakamura had slowed but not stopped the Japanese government. They would eventually back America’s stance. Nakamura had never taken ‘no’ for an answer, however, and he had one more card to play. He had friends in Tokyo that could help with this last, most dangerous plan. If need be, he would bring down the whole government to get his way.
#
The November elections had gone the way everyone had predicted, and resultantly the workload for the Independence Subcommittee increased across the board. Firstly there remained the standing question of how independence was going to come about. Natsuki argued - and won - that a plebiscite needed to be held. The number of questions on the ballot had to be set and a date found for the voting.
They settled on four possible options. First: full independence from Earth, with the formation of a nation called the Solar Federation. Second: independence from only Japan and America with membership in the United Nations. Third: No independence, and last: none of the above. The board was going to campaign for the first option.
The next question was of the date of the vote. Hull reported that Orbital Dynamics and the other launch companies would have all essential personnel and equipment in orbit by the first week of January. To give time for debate, January thirtieth was chosen. An added point: it was decided that all persons on Consortium property would have the right to vote if they were sixteen years old, or older. If this vote went as hoped, the Solar Federation would be declared January 31 2043.
Once the how’s and when’s of independence were decided on, it was time to work on the form of government they wanted. All agreed that it would be democratic, but the exact form and the distribution of powers were hotly debated. Some wanted a strong central government, some wanted a weak one. The debate went on for weeks with no real progress.
By the Thanksgiving weekend they were in great need of a rest. They were lounging in the back room of their home, with the partition open looking at the garden.
“Oh look a bunny,” said Natsuki, as a small white rabbit came into the garden. It was hopping around looking for food. Natsuki sat on the floor, Japanese style, dressed in a kimono. She looked beautiful and fragile to Hull. He had to remind himself that she was the de facto leader of a rebellion.
The couple’s respite was interrupted by Ryoko entering the room. She had a stiff look to her, as if she was exerting a great amount of control. She bowed low.
“Lady Natsuki, I have news from our friends in Tokyo,” she said nervously. ‘Friends in Tokyo’ was a polite euphemism for the family's yakuza connections. Sensing something was wrong; Natsuki sat up straight and assumed a formal look.
“Continue Ryoko,” she said.
“Master Daichi has been killed, he…” Ryoko said, then suddenly stopped and could not continue. Natsuki stiffened at the word, her eyes narrowed. Hull sat up sharply in shock, and didn’t know what to say or do. The last he’d heard was that Daichi was in Tokyo, meeting with government ministers and bureaucrats, trying to guide Japan's policy in favor of the Habitat and Moon. It hadn’t sounded dangerous at all.
“What happened?” Natsuki asked her voice as cold as interstellar space.
“The police are going to report that he surprised a burglar.” Ryoko said, sullenly.
“What a man in a wheelchair surprising a burglar!?” Natsuki was incredulous, “That apartment is in a high security building. What else is in the message?” Hull could see anger rising in Natsuki.
Ryoko continued with her head down, staring at some nonexistent spot on the floor, “Our friends believe the police are covering up and that he was assassinated.”
“Thank you Ryoko,” Natsuki said sadly. There was a long pause while her normal stoic appearance gave way to pain and anger and sadness and fear, all in the space of a moment, then her emotionless mask returned. She continued in a cold voice, “please inform our friends that I would take it as a personal favor if they would look into this and deal with those responsible.”
Hull admired his wife's strength but was more than a little frightened at the ease with which she’d just ordered God knew how many murders.
After another long pause, Natsuki said, “Now leave us I wish to discuss this with my husband.” Ryoko bowed and left the room, sliding the door shut.
When she was sure Ryoko had moved away from the door, Natsuki threw herself into Hull's arms and the great wracking sobs and hot, salty tears came, and would not stop. She cried as only a daughter could cry at the loss of her father.
#
After the death of Daichi Nakamura, everyone working on project Spartacus redoubled their efforts. People openly spoke as if Earth had declared war on them. Natsuki rammed through a measure for a constitutional convention to be held with representatives from every group in the consortium.
Hull worked with the different companies that handled launch and spaceflight services. In every country where the consortium had spaceports, things started happening that slowed their schedule. Nothing was officially announced, of course, but it seemed clear the various earth governments were trying to slow them down as much as possible. Hull also met regularly with the pilots’ union, but he wouldn’t tell anyone - especially Netsuke - what they were planning.
On Earth things were heating up. Protesters were actively trying to block the entrances of the Texas, New Mexico and California launch facilities. Consortium personnel were being harassed, and the EPA filed suit to shutdown Orbital Dynamics claiming it was violating the Clean Air Act. Congressmen and Senators were going on talk shows claiming that the habitat and lunar colonists were committing all manner of ridiculous crimes. There were even doctors claiming that the consortium was covering up how space born children were all deformed and unhealthy.
Hull ordered all the reusable launch vehicles that could be readied to go to orbit and to wait at the orbital transfer stations. Since all the personnel that wanted to go to New Eden or the newly renamed Clarke City were already in space, they could use throwaway launchers to finish lifting what little equipment that remained. By the end of December, 2042 the colonies and the earth seemed to be on the brink of a showdown that neither side could afford to avoid.
#
Andre Zarkoff could not believe his luck. He had come to Macau after completing his Tokyo mission to lay low. For the last few weeks since then, he simply could not seem to lose at the gaming tables, and he had even made more money than the CIA had paid him for silencing that troublesome old man.
He was having a quiet drink at the hotel bar when the most stunning Eurasian women he had ever seen walked in. It was a little before dawn, so the bar was mostly empty. He decided his luck was still holding when she sat next to him and asked for a light. Faster than seemed possible, he was back in his room, sitting on his bed watching as the woman slowly undressed.
Her back was to him, and he saw that she had a tattoo of a dragon running down her spine in the Japanese fashion. She turned and walked toward him, and he saw that the tail of the dragon continued up from her legs to end just below her near-perfect breasts. She leaned over him as he lay in bed, and gave him the most passionate and sexual kiss he had ever experienced. She stood and smiled down at him.
Andre Zarkoff tried to smile but his lips wouldn’t move. In a panic he tried to sit up, and found he could barely move. Waves of pain hit him, starting in his mouth, and radiating downward. The woman stood there, smiling and staring at him for a bit, she then leaned in again.
“Have you ever heard of a poisoned kiss?” The women whispered into his left ear, while giving it a little nibble. She moved to his right ear: “It’s a special neural toxin. You have five minutes to live; A special gift from the Nakamura clan.” She moved back over to the left ear, kissing Zarkoff on the lips on the way.
“If you tell me the name of the one who ordered the old man’s death I can ease your pain,” she offered. Zarkoff painfully struggled, croaking out a single name. His vision was getting dark. The women recognized the name, and smiled as she expertly slid a stiletto into his chest, piercing his heart ending his pain forever.
#
The New Year started with an air of tension. People were still moving from the orbital stations to either the Moon or the habitat. Those still in the colonies who wanted to return to earth being transferred to the non-consortium stations like the Bigelow Orbital Hilton, and using Virgin Galactic to return to earth.
The first bill introduced to the new American congress was the Space Nationalization Act. After a week of debate in which most of the speakers ranted of the evils of the consortium, the bill passed and sent to the Senate. One of the most appalling parts of the bill was that only companies belonging to the consortium were to be nationalized. The bill also banned anyone below the age of twenty four from space.
With Natsuki's father dead, the independence subcommittee had ceased to rely on paid lobbyists and PR firms to make their case. All though some conservatives and libertarians argued in the consortium's favor, the tide was clearly running against them. The environmental lobby and some religious leaders were vocally against them, as were anti-big business groups, and still others that felt that man had no business in space. These lobbied not only for the government to take control of New Eden and Clarke City, but they were demanding that they be shut down entirely.
With Natsuki in charge of the political and business matters and Hull dealing with the technical and spaceflight actions they had little time to be together. When by chance they met at home they were glad just to be able to lie together and sleep in exhaustion.
On Earth, the Nationalization Act moved with more speed than anticipated, and the Senate was set to vote on it the day before the colonies would be holding the plebiscite for independence.
On the night before the Senate vote, Natsuki arranged for Hull and her to spend the evening together. They had a quiet diner, with cocktails afterward in the garden. Their three helpebodyguards made themselves scarce, giving them the illusion that the two of them were home alone. They chatted about music and books and things of no importance, allowing their minds and bodies to relax from the stress of careening events.
At the end of the evening, Natsuki took Hull by the hand and lead him into the bedroom. Undressing they both got into bed and embraced.
“Husband, please give me a child.” said Natsuki in a loving voice. They slowly made love like it would be their last time. Both were certain that it was.
#
Months before, when the word had gone out that it was time for earth folk to evacuate to the colonies, it created the biggest launch logjam in history. It had taken Diana Jaworski and her assist Roger Edwards until the last week of December to receive a flight. Things on Earth were becoming chaotic by the middle of November, with protests and near-riots at the spaceports. Jaworski’s own husband had joined in the anti-space movement that swept America.
It wasn’t her intention at first, but slowly, over the weeks of waiting and tensions she and Roger Edwards had become lovers. It was natural that two people with similar beliefs and similar ages, thrown together in an increasingly-dangerous crisis would become close, but it made Jaworski feel guilty. She wondered if she was taking advantage of Roger. Due to a shortage of ships, hundreds of people were still on the ten transfer stations in orbit, waiting for passage to the Moon or New Eden.
“No, Roger it’s your turn. I’ll get a flight soon enough.”
Edwards replied, “Diana, please don’t argue with me. They need you up on the Habitat, and anyway I’m working on modifications to some of the orbital ships so they can get to lunar orbit, and be picked up there. Far safer than leaving all those people tooling around in orbit, where any Green lunatic on the ground can pick ‘em off.” He shoved his ticket into his one-time boss’s hand. Edwards smiled as he continued, “Don’t worry. I’ll be on the Moon in no time. But you’re more important to the effort than I am. You need to get to New Eden so you can start working on my transfer back as your rusty trusty assistant.” Edwards kissed her before she could argue farther.
#
It was Election Day in space, and the citizens of New Eden and Clarke City used their home, work or school computers to vote. The computers used biometrics and DNA scans to verify there was only one vote per person. Hull was able to busy himself with the technical details of moving the last of the refugees in low earth orbit to the moon or New Eden. The crews of the transfer stations had volunteered - to a person - to stay on station for the duration, despite knowing they were at risk. They were the first, most obvious targets, should things get violent.
The only thing left for Natsuki to deal with was a message from the American President. The Senate had passed the Nationalization Act, sixty to thirty nine with one abstention. The President had been waiting for today's vote, and wanted the consortium's reply before signing or vetoing the bill.
The message declared that New Eden, all Solar Power satellites, and all Orbital Transfer Station, would be turned over to the US military. Clarke City and the helium mining stations on the near side of the moon would be turned over to Japan, since they were the primary user of the fusion fuel. The consortium would be reimbursed for these assets with US treasury bills at a rate to be negotiated later. The various member companies would be permitted to maintain their spaceports and to run satellite lift businesses separately; the consortium was to be dissolved. All nonessential personal would be transferred from the moon back to earth. Everyone on New Eden would have to move back to earth and the habitat would be shut down.
“Do these idiots really believe that we spent over thirty years building New Eden just to abandon it because a bunch of nutjobs don’t believe humanity belongs in space? Or that a ton of worthless paper will make it all better?” Natsuki said rhetorically to the board of directors.
As was her duty, Natsuki presented the offer to the board. One member joked that the Earthfolk didn’t even have enough respect to offer real money, just bonds.
“I move that we reject the American offer!” said The Mitsubishi board member with an energy that surprised the others at the table. The board agreed, and they voted with him unanimously to do so. A few members wanted to send a message to the President telling her ‘go screw yourself,’ but they left the reply to Natsuki.
She knew what her reply would be already, but she waited until midnight just to be sure she was doing what her people wanted. The voting on independence would have ended by then.
At 0100 hours, New Eden time, all the members of the board of directors of the New Eden consortium gathered behind Natsuki while she read a statement that was transmitted to every consortium property, as well as every news organization on Earth.
“As of Today, January 31st 2043, I am proud to announce the formation of the Solar Federation.”
#
The President immediately signed the space nationalization act, and ordered all the American assets of the consortium be seized. The Prime Minister of Japan followed with his own seizure order a few hours later. Some said he felt a bet reticent to do so.
After the seizure order, Natsuki ordered the solar power satellites to be shut down. They were beaming power to the Nevada desert. The effect was dramatic and immediate: Without power from the satellites, the western power grid started to suck electricity from the rest of the country. The system wasn’t designed for the simultaneous loss of thirty percent of the grid‘s overall power. The western United States went dark, from Los Angeles to Denver, and of course everyone panicked almost immediately.
Nikolas Jaworski was in his office arranging transportation for protesters to the demonstrations at the Mojave spaceport when the power went off. This being southern California, someone pulled a hand cranked radio out of the closet and tuned to a station that had emergency power.
The newscaster said, “…And it seems the whole western half of the United States is in a blackout, the cause of which is unknown - wait - this just in: The President has announced that the power outage is the result of the New Eden consortium illegally shutting down the satellites that fed power to the western US. To repeat…”
Nikolas stopped listening and yelled “That bitch!” Most of the people that heard him believed he was talking about the consortium charwomen, but he was thinking of his soon-to-be ex-wife.
As Nikolas drove home, he had to detour around areas that the National Guard had already cordoned off. Looting and rioting had started a few hours after the power went off, and the governor had called up the guard. Nikolas felt a burning hatred for the colonists. ‘By what right do they disrupt the natural order of things?’ he thought.
#
Natsuki ordered all shipments of helium 3 to Japan to be stopped. There were a few cargo modules on their way at the time, and no way to stop the automated modules after they had been thrown into space by the linear accelerator. These just coasted to Earth and splashed down in the Sea of Japan where a ship would pick them up. Even with these last modules, it was estimated that Japan had less than twenty days of fuel for its fusion reactors. The Japanese had been building them as fast as they could, to replace the aging fission reactors constructed back in the twentieth century.
The United Nations Security Council passed a resolution stating that the colonist’s sovereignty violated both the Outer Space Treaty of 1968 and the Moon Treaty of 1979. It also authorized the use of force to bring New Eden and the moon bases back under control of their respective member states.
The consortium, meanwhile, announced the formation of the Republic of Luna to govern the Moon and to be the second nation - along with New Eden - within the Federation.
Things stood there for a week: The earth Sent a messages or made announcements, and the Federation would respond in kind, but no real action was taken by either side.
#
“John, how many people are still in near earth orbit?” asked Natsuki as her husband sat in her office in the administration building.
“A few hundred, give or take on the transfer stations. Why?”
“I just have a bad feeling about having people so close to Earth. They might try something.” Natsuki didn’t think that America and Japan were just going to roll over and let them go. Not after going to all the trouble of passing the nationalization bill and seizing colonial assets.
“If you want I can have them put the stations on standby and send some ships to pull them back here. It's going to take a week or so.”
“Do it, John, please. It would make me feel better.”
XXXX
It might have been women's intuition or just logic but Natsuki was right: they were not going to just let them go. Even as Hull was sending ships to pick up the last of the refugees from Low Earth Orbit, America made its move.
The still Pacific morning was broken on Kwajalein Atoll as a modified anti-ballistic-missile missile was fired. Its solid fuel first stage burned bright as it sailed into the air while at the same moment its twin left the pad at Vandenberg Air Force base in California. Both missiles were modified with a Centaur third stage to boost their kinetic kill vehicles into near earth orbit. The Centaur stage kicked in at 90 kilometers and boosted the 20 kilogram warhead to escape velocity.
Separating from their boosters the two warheads used their sensors to look for their respective targets. If either missed, its velocity would take it out of the earth-moon system entirely, and it would go into orbit around the sun. But neither was going to miss. Both were the product of fifty years of development and tests.
The one from Kwajalein locked on to transfer station number three. The twenty people on it had no chance, and were killed instantly as the warhead struck the station. The kinetic energy released had the force of a low yield nuclear warhead.
When the warhead from Vandenberg struck, Roger Edwards was on the observation deck taking a break from his work on the orbital shuttles. He was drinking coffee from a plastic bulb, looking out at the ungainly structure that was transfer station seven. He saw a bright flash at the far end of the station and stared dumfounded as he watched module after module of the station pitch up and away from the earth and crumple like so many soda cans. It was like a crack of a whip. Stunned, Edwards watched people being blown into space from the collapsing modules. As the wave of destruction reached the observation deck, his one thought was that he regretted not telling Diana that he loved her before she left.
#
submitted by neorandomizer to shortstories [link] [comments]


2018.08.27 04:22 iminterestingplease Part 37.

It's slowing down a little. Sorry about the quick posts.
6290.(History change.)Do you remember the 1992 Hurricane Iniki in Hawaii being a Category 5 instead of 4?(Has there been lots of harsh weather, and has it appeared in places it normally doesn't hit?)
https://www-m.cnn.com/2018/08/23/us/hawaii-hurricane-iniki-1992-wxc/index.html
6291.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Betty Brant(Betty Brandt?)being portrayed by Parker Posey in the original Spider-Man trilogy instead of Elizabeth Banks?(Did Elizabeth Banks come out of nowhere for you?)(Did Parker Posey not exist?)(Has the spelling of dachshund changed again?)(Allien/Alien)(Forcus/Focus)(Privillege/Privilege)(Octoberfest/Oktoberfest)(Hippo nostrils keep changing size.)(Veggietable/Vegetable, and is the pronunciation off?)(Liver Worst/Liverwurst)(Are words with Thermo, Andro, and Hydro pronounced different?)(There are two new holes in the rib cage.)(Is February pronounced different?)(Black chickens now don't lay black eggs.)(Statue Of Liberty is now part of the color phenomenon.)(Lucky Music Live/LuckyMusiqLive)(Lots of things that no longer exist.)(Rhonda Rousey/Ronda Rousey)(Was Ronda not an acceptable spelling of Rhonda?)(Toxic Kool-Aid/ToxiQ KoolAid)(Was it Cumerbun, Cuberbun, Cuberbund, Cumerbund, Cummerbun, or Cumberbun?)(Did stick-like mantises not exist?)(Easter chickens now exist.)(Didn't Shameless end a while ago?)(Lee Harvey Oswald is now wearing a different outfit when he got shot.)(Kung Fu Hustle is hard to find in an English dub.)(Lots of new photos of the old wild west now.)(Have you heard of Elizabeth Olsen?)(Are the ancient Indian stepwells off in any way?)(Has Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver changed again?)(Has the BWD logo changed?)(Does the Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends logo look off?)(Triple, and quadruple rainbows.)(Rainbow colored owls.)(Ant people hieroglyphics have been found.)(Was it spelled heiroglypics?)(Is the Sex And The City logo off?)(Has the Ride Wit Me(Ride With Me, or Must Be The Money?)music video by Nelly changed in any way?)(Do any of his logos look off?)(People think Barack Obama was president in 2005-2007.)(Alga/Alge/Algea/Algae)(Is the pronunciation off?)(Anything else off?)(Z vs. S at the end of certain product names.)(Let's Do It For America/Let's Do It For Our Country)(Any of the lyrics off?)(Is the Grease 2 logo off?)(Was it Seimen, or Seimens?)(Lots of new great walls, and other things.)(Did Craig Mack die way before March 12, 2018?)(Stephen Carl Stephenson/Stefán Karl Stefánsson)(Lots of T.V. channel, and app, and website logos have changed.)(Lots of Music Choice channel names have changed.)(The Queen Of England damed Elizabeth Taylor.)(Deja Vu/Déjà Vu)(Winnebago sharks now exist.)(Pink sycamore now exists.)(Do any of the Doctor Dolittle logos look off?)(Was the first of any word in a title always capitalized?)(Jhene Aiko/Jhené Aiko)(Has Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen changed even more?)(All the robot landings on Mars that happened before Curiosity.)(Is Michelangelo's David off?)(Jim Cary/Jim Carry/Jim Carrey)(Does the Hotpoint logo look off?)(Does the Lindsay olives logo look off?)(Yoda bats now exist.)(Did FAO Schwarz not close three years ago, and were they not planning on reopening?)(The Mississippi River sometimes runs backwards.)(Sperm can now last up to 9 days inside females instead of 3, or other numbers.)(Has the Pinterest logo changed again?)(Was Terrance not an acceptable spelling of Terrence?)(The famous "I'm walking here!" quote is now said by Dustin Hoffman instead of Al Pacino.)(Thelma Hopkins/Telma Hopkins)(Wobbegong now exists.)(Carrhartt/Carhartt)(Other spellings?)(Cotton ball moth now exists.)(Patagonian Mara now exists.)(Weird looking trees.)(Super dangerous island.)(Collar And Bow has changed.)(Didn't Willie Nelson die?)(Marty Robins/Marty Robbins)(Lots of more stuff in Back To The Future has changed.)(The Baco's name spelling, logo, and package design are completely off.)(Bugs sometimes fight each other with their front limbs.)(Eddie Murphy is now the singer of Party All The Time.)(Did person names never have apostrophes in them?)(Really gross rare form of yoga, and other weird types.)(Did WhatsApp use to have a like, or heart feature?)(The Bon-Ton logo, and name are off, and the company keeps going out of business, and some of its subsidiary logos are off.)(Mercedes Benz/Mercedes-Benz)(Alexis Nicole Sanchez/Alexys Nycole Sanchez)(Babies in Sweden can sleep in freezing temperatures.)(The S in Ulysses S. Grant can either stand for Simpson, or nothing.)(Abcyeah/ABCya!)(Area codes are now changing.)(Is anything about Men In Black 3 off?)(Has The Truman Show in any way?)(Secret chambers, and backup areas all through our bodies that benefit us now.)("Shave, and a haircut, six bits."/"Shave, and a haircut, two bits.")(Was Richie not an acceptable spelling of Ritchie?)(Ritchie Rich/Richie Rich)(Judy Garland had a stunt double in The Wizard Of Oz.)(There are sharks that can live for 400 years.)(m(StarStar)(There's a fake moon going around the earth.)(Harlan David Sanders/Harland David Sanders)(Was he not a real person?)(Did Henry Kissinger die a while back?)(Russians landed on the moon about 10 years before we did.)(Did Bob Newhart a while back?)(Are any celebrities' names pronounced different?)(Did Bill Anderson die a while back?)(There is a movie from 1987 about Nelson Mandela titled Mandela starring Danny Glover)(There was an attempted assassination of Franklin D. Roosevelt.)(Rosevelt?)(Transparent fish caught in New Zealand.)(Dorothy's shoes are now sometimes black, and her now changes a lot in The Wizard Of Oz.)(Old video of underwater cable laying.)(Babuska(Babushka?)dolls are now mostly known as Nesting dolls.)(The van in Back To The Future is remembered as many colors?)(Did She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds Of Summer change again?)(Do you remember "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.", "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.", or "I got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore Toto."?)(Was it something else?)(Rekall VectoRECALL VECTOR)(Do you remember David Bowie dying in 2017, or 2018?)(Weird green spider with tons of babies on its back.)(Mysterious coin from the future.)(Weird bear dog found.)("The numerator goes into the denominator."/"The divider goes into the dividend.")(Metro Golden MeyeMetro-Goldwyn-Mayer)(Mistake in Pirates Of the Caribbean where you can see the Adidas tag in Jack Sparrow's hat.)(Anticrepuscular sky shows "second sun".)(Rusha/Russha/Russhia/Russia)(Was there never a glitch in The Cleveland Show theme song?)(Two-headed snakes are becoming mire common.)(Gasoline seems to be less flammable.)(T-Rex hands look off.)(Wasp with extremely large stinger discovered.)(Mystery boat washes up on Ireland.)(World's oldest botanical gardens.)(Frog fish now exists.)(The Mad Hatter's hat has changed color in the cartoon movie.)(99 million year-old beetle found preserved.)("If you got a problem yo I'll solve it."/"If there's a problem yo I'll solve it."/"If there was a problem yo I'll solve it.")(Do any of his logos look off?)(Patagonian Cavy now exists.)(Cassowary now exists.)(The ice cream in the Cold Stone Creamery logo is off.)(Missy Elliot/Missy Elliott)(Do any of her logos look off?)(Squirrels now sometimes walk on two legs.)(Have Marge, or Lisa Simpson's necklaces changed color?)(The ending song to Black Panther changed.)(Nimbus Monkeyshine Ale/Nimbus Old Monkeyshine Ale)(Anything else off?)("Why don't people understand my creation?"/"Why don't people understand my intentions?")(Anything else off?)(Jailed Abroad/Locked Up Abroad/Banged Up Abroad)(Wasn't Warren Buffett married to an Asian woman?)(Is the "Right tool" scene in No Country For Old Men off in any way?)(The Long Green Mile/The Green Mile)(Sea monkey ad no longer has trident.)(Was the girl smiling on the "We can do it!" poster, and is her muscle off?)(Anything else off?)(Cafe Rio logo has changed.)(Were the ruby slippers from The Wizard Of Oz retrieved years ago instead of recently?)(Wasn't John McCain actually known as Songbird John following his imprisonment?)(Was it something else?)(Anything else off?)(Have you heard of woolly donkeys?)(Didn't John McCain die years ago?)(CNC/C&C)(Wasn't the Apple logo a full apple before, or was the bite different?)(Joe CrockeJoe Cocker)(Aldi's/Aldis/Aldi)(McGriddle/McGriddles)(Were McDonald's Chicken McNuggets never specific shapes?)(Bill Murry/Bill Murray)(New weird Subway logo.)(Have you heard of the ancient stepwells in India?)(Lots of off colored eggs now.)(Portuguese Man O'War(Man Of War, or Man-Of-War?)now exists.)(Monstrous alligators, and crocodiles spotted.)(Jeff Goldbloom/Jeff Goldblum)(Other spellings?)(Anything else off?)(Does Ozzy Osbourne's name keep changing?)(Sea pig now exists.)(Burt Reynolds died again on September 6, 2018.)(Hall & Oats/Hall & Oates)(Walter Mathou/Walter Matthau)(Other spellings?)(Jack Lennon/Jack Lemmon)(Other spellings?)(Was it spelled Congradulations?)(The Jackson family had 11 kids?)(Anything else off?)(Africa by Toto lyrics keep changing.)(Lines in The Wizard Of Oz keep changing.)(Paul Simon's Graceland album release date changed.)(Human civilization goes back more.)(Giant octopus species discovered.)(The new Jackson family members have music careers.)(7 sisters star constellation has 9 stars.)(Stingrays keep changing.)(Shield mantises now exist.)(Trivia vs. Trivial.)(Halley's Comet spelling keeps changing.)(Blue scorpions now exist.)(Big cats are much friendlier.)(Gorillas, and other primates seem smarter, and friendlier.)(Halley, Hailee, and other weird spellings instead of Hailey, or Haley.)(Hailey Steinfeld/Hailee Steinfeld)(Anyone with the name Willie, or Hailee is off.)(Chicks now jump off cliffs onto rocks below sometimes.)(Red The Bum/Brett The Bum/Fred The Bum)(The DVD logo doesn't bounce around a specific screen when you pause a DVD.)(Praying mantises now attack hummingbirds.)("We're off to see the wizard!"/"You're off to see the wizard.")(Was it always the same?)(Royals have their own pyramid on Balmoral estate.)(Here We Go Loopty Loo/Here We Go Looby Loo)(Anything else off?)(Have any of the lyrics in Lucy In The Sky By Diamonds by The Beatles changed?)(New glowing rocks.)(Off colored slugs.)(Novograd/Novogorod)(Lots of song changes.)(Parker Brothers is now the original creator of Monopoly, and other stuff is off.)(Scenes in Miss Congeniality changed.)(Comedienne is now a word.)(Einstein-Rosenberg/Einstein-Rosen)(H.E. Shepard/E.H. Shepard)(Other spellings?)(Many changes to the band Rush.)(Wild strawberries, and other things.)(Sam Kinison died for a different reason now.)(Henry James Fonda/Henry Jaynes Fonda)(The Chevy logo changed again.)(Foxes now have black fur, and not white fur.)(Toyger now exists.)(More aircraft changes.)(Lots of more R, and A, and messed up T, and more squished letters, and upside down, and reverse letters.)(Geneology/Genealogy)(Barry Hearn is now alive.)(Steven King/Stephen King)(Is the Hot 'n Now(Hot And Now?)logo off?)(Other spellings?)(Is the Reno Tahoe logo off?)(Oarfish now exists.)(Tear Drop memorial now exists.)(Mark Sheldon/Mark Shelton)(Veiled marble statues now exist.)(Bryce Courtney/Bryce Courtenay)(Courtenay is now an acceptable spelling of Courtney.)(Dogs can purr.)(Souless/Soulless)(FilmakeFilmmaker)(House cats can growl.)(Jerry Stiller is now alive.)(Ric Flair is now alive.)(Stan Lee is now alive.)(Julie Andrews is now alive.)(Crow's beaks have changed color, and other things.)(Limp Biscuit/Limp Biskit)(Lots of song lyric changes.)(More 9/11 changes.)(Do any of their logos look off?)(There are now 15 Egyptian deities(Diety?)when there were less before, and Amun-Ra(Was it spelled different?)is now multiple gods together.)(Santa Catalina salad dressing/Catalina salad dressing(Other spellings?)(Wiley Coyote/Wile Coyote/Wiley E. Coyote/Wile E. Coyote)(Other spellings?)(Ing to In' everywhere.)(Keith Oberman/Keith Olbermann)(Transexual/Transsexual)(Other spellings?)(The Flintstone Kids is now a thing.)(Mozart wrote a piece called Lick Me In The Ass, and has wrote many gross things.)(Apollo Guidance Computer now exists.)(Discobulus statue changed, and lots haven't heard of it.)(The Silence Of The Lambs, Star Wars, Star Trek, Dirty Harry, Sunset Boulevard, and The Godfather lines keep changing.)(Do you remember Narwal, or Narwall?)("Greed is good."/"The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works.")(“I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory!”/"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know, that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smells like victory.")("Stay away from her, you bitch.”/“Get away from her, you bitch.”)(Ensure is now made of milk concentrate, and not milk, and the logo changed.)(Nordic flags don't have centered crosses.)(Lots of new muscles.)(Frogfish now exist.)(Aircraft powered by steam.)(Was it Mrs. Butterworth, or Ms. something?)(The original Porky Pig looks wrong.)(The Secret Life Of Walter Smitty/The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty)(Prince Phillip/Prince Philip)(Robert Duval/Robert Duvall)(13th Man Rule/10th Man Rule)(Was it another number?)(Didn't Krang never have an antenna?)("Tangled up in blue."/"Tangle up in blue.")(Ing to In' lyrics.)(Any of his lyrics look off?)(Theater Of Pain/Theatre Of Pain)(Brian ForresteBrian ForesteBrian ForsteBrien Foerster)(Brian ForresteBrian Forster)(Roahl Dahl/Ronald Dahl/Roald Dahl)("Warmest sunshine softer than a sponge."/"Warmest sunshine softer than a sigh.")($100 bills changed again.)(Do any of her logos look off?)(Panda dolphin now exists.)(John Lennon now has purse in the backstage photos of Abbey Road)(Cailou/Caillou)(Are any of the channel names it was broadcasted on off?)(White painted Easter Island eyes.)(Likeable/Likable)(Hairless rabbits now exist.)(Jimmy Fallen/Jimmy Fallon)(The Ying Yang Gang/Ying Yang Twins)(More Billy Joel lyric changes.)(More changes to the clothing of Pebbles Flintstone, and her belly button is now exposed.)(Australian flag, and flag history keep changing.)(Did cabbits not exist.)(There are over 21 moon landings.)(Splenda, or other alternative sugars never used in certain sodas.)(The history of IIII vs. IV now says IIII has been around longer, and IV wasn't used in Roman times.)(Square, rectangular, or diamond waves now exist.)(Dark City has changed.)("When you come to shoot, shoot don't talk."/"When you have to shoot, shoot don't talk.")(Saturn's rings are dull instead of colorful.)(China has lots of fake cities, and copycats like Paris, France.)(There is a porcelain doll face in the ocean from the Titanic.)(Did Gene Simmons die on January 22, 2010 for you, or another time?)(Rory from Gilmore Girls does a report on Hillary Clinton, and not Anne Frank.)(The Offsprings/The Offspring)(Dennis Norton/Denis Norden, and did he die in the early 2000's, or another time instead of September 19, 2018?)(Heintz/Heinz)(Has the pronunciation of Caillou changed?)(Has the Galaxy High School theme song changed?)(Penske, and DHL trucks now look orange, but are yellow.)(There is a debate going on about Gatorade, and Powerade, and how one flavor is yellow, or green.)(The light green vests people wear are a color debate.)(Weird looking clocks.)(NOAA now exists.)(Vogelkop now exists.)(The streets now have puddles in the Back To The Future, and The Karate Kid movies.)("Meat is meat.", and a missing Hannibal scene.)(Color phenomenon.)(Capcom logos changed.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Brant
6292.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Rick Moranis dying?(Did Harold Ramis way before February 24, 2014?)(Anything else about Harold Ramis off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Moranis
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Ramis
6293.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember crows never being able to snowboard?
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/snowboarding-crows-the-plot-thickens/
6294.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember DMT not being a thing?(Did it not go by other names?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/N,N-Dimethyltryptamine
6295.(Band name change.)The Tramps/The Trammps(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Trammps
6296.(Famous Actor name change.)Walter Goggins/Walton Goggins
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walton_Goggins
6297.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Ben Bova dying?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Bova
6298.(Famous Politician name change.)Julia Bishop/Julie Bishop
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julie_Bishop
6299.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the stars on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame being a different color?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_Walk_of_Fame
6300.(Movie Scene change.)Do you remember Kevin McCallister smacking his face more than once in the aftershave scene?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_qu4ZBCU6Fc
6301.(Music Lyrics change.)"It's been awhile."/"And it's been a while."("Since I could."/"Since I couln.")("I've seen the way the candle lights your face."/"I've seen the way the candles light your face.")(Stained/Staind)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Staind-its-been-awhile-lyrics
6302.(Music Lyrics change.)"There's a thousand people."/"A thousand people."(Stop Hey What's(What Is?)That Sound?/Stop Children What's That Sound?/For What It's(It Is?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Buffalo-springfield-for-what-its-worth-lyrics
6303.(Spelling change.)Pulmonary Aveolus/Pulmonary Alveolus(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulmonary_alveolus
6304.(Theme Song Lyrics change.)"Flying through the sky."/"Zooming through the sky."
https://genius.com/Billy-straus-little-einsteins-theme-song-lyrics
6305.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the Spanish Sahara not being a thing?(Were the mouth, and nose closer together?)(Is the neck longer?)(Was there never snow, or palm trees in England?)(Brittany Spears/Britney Spears)(Lots of US states look off.)(McDonald's M has changed again.)(Carol King/Carole King)(All Sesame Street characters have different eyes.)(Butterflies will now eat chicken feed.)(Jammin' by Bob Marley changed again.)(The famous sailor kiss photo changed again.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_Sahara
6306.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Suriname not existing?(Did it not go by other names?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suriname
6307.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Nikola Tesla, and Trump not being connected?
https://www.history.com/news/nikola-tesla-files-declassified-fbi
6308.(Movie name change.)Hedwig And The Angry Itch/Hedwig And The Angry Inch(Book too.)(Do any of the logos look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedwig_and_the_Angry_Inch_(film)
6309.(Famous Landmark name change.)House Of Hapsburg/House Of Habsburg(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Habsburg
6310.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Eddie Murphy never having a music career?(Were all the famous songs he did done by other people?)(Anything else off?)(Did he not do a song with Michael Jackson called Whatzupwitu?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Murphy_discography
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whatzupwitu
6311.(Spelling change.)Whitch/Which(Sandwitch/Sandwhitch/Sandwhich/Sandwich)
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/which
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich
6312.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these bands not existing?
https://www.loudersound.com/features/the-10-greatest-obscure-metal-bands-from-the-1970s-who-should-have-been-huge
6313.(Famous Wrestler name change.)Nicolai Volkoff/Nikolai Volkoff(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Volkoff
6314.(Famous Wrestler name change.)Paul Ordorff/Paul Orndorff(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Orndorff
6315.(Company name change.)Arthur Anderson/Arthur Andersen(Price Water House Cooper's/PricewaterhouseCoopers)(Ernest & Young/Ernst & Young)(Kidder Matthews/Kidder Mathews)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Andersen
6316.(Famous Actor name change.)Keenan Thompson/Kenan Thompson
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenan_Thompson
6317.(Song Title change.)"If I ruled the world."/"If I rule the world."(Anything else off?)(Lauren Hill/Lauryn Hill)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_I_Ruled_the_World_(Imagine_That)
6318.(Famous Singer name change.)Morrisey/Morrissey(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morrissey
6319.(Music Lyrics change.)"Don't take it."/"Don't tear it."(Was it always the same?)
https://genius.com/Nine-inch-nails-terrible-lie-lyrics
6320.(Music Lyrics change.)"Ain't talking 'bout love."/"Can't talking 'bout love."(Was it always the same?)(Ing to In' lyrics, and song title.)(Anything else about the lyrics, and song title off?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Van-halen-aint-talkin-bout-love-lyrics
6321.(Celebrity death that didn't happen.)Do you remember Rowan Atkinson dying?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rowan_Atkinson
6322.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember "Made in China" being on something meaning everything about that product was made in China?
https://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/08/business/worldbusiness/made-in-china-labels-dont-tell-whole-story.html
6323.(Celebrity death date change.)Do you remember Chet Baker dying in 1961, or 1993 instead of May 13, 1988?(Anything else off?)(Are there now missing chapters in the film The Wizard Of Oz, and lots of other stuff?)(Did Rex Reed die of AIDS(Aids?)in the 1990's?)(Anything in the A Day In The Life song off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chet_Baker
6324.(Spelling change.)Brat Worst/Bratwurst
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bratwurst
6325.(Phantom movie.)Do you remember Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd not existing?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd
6326.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these Donald Trump cameos not happening?(The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, The Job, Suddenly Susan, Sex And The City, The Drew Carey Show, Two Weeks Notice, Spin City, The Nanny, The Associate, The Little Rascals, Zoolander, Eddie, Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, Quantum Leap, and did he not do WWE appearances?)(Did he not win the election at first?)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yosAVMB47-Y
6327.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(Sand cats, blue dye spinal cord cure, transformer owl, more changes to Mount Rushmore, the great molasses flood, sneezing marine iguanas, phantom clowns of 1981, coaxial rotors, ice discs, genetically modified 3 parent babies of the late 90's, rhesus macaques in Florida, more flag changes, twins conceived, and born at different times, sea sheep, poitou donkeys, tear drop grapes, more changes to the Statue Of Liberty, Pallas cat, Angora rabbit, Dianne Feinstein, macroevolution, Chimeron, more geography changes, more The Creation Of Adam changes, more sculpture, and painting changes, Japanese Geta, and foot binding, more changes to Shiva, Vancouver, California, Usa, Õita, China, Texas, made in USA means USA, China, made in the USA is the actual USA, Mexican grizzly bear, London beer flood, history of Hawaii.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xxr9L7mjGGs
6328.(Music Lyrics change.)"You make a grown man cry."/"You make a dead man come."(Was it always the same?)(Start It Up/Start Me Up)
https://genius.com/The-rolling-stones-start-me-up-lyrics
6329.(Music Lyrics change.)"To buy you things."/"To buy you thing."(Hard Day's Night/A Hard Day's Night)(Anything else off?)("Squandered my existence."/"Squandered my resistance.")(Lots of Bridge Over Troubled Waters stuff has become Bridge Over Troubled Water.)("I can't change time."/"I can't trace time.")(Do any of his logos look off?)("Stand up for your right."/"Stand up for your rights.")("Heaven is on the earth."/"Heaven is under the earth.")(Have any lyrics in Back In The U.S.S.R. by The Beatles changed?)(Anything else off?)
https://genius.com/The-beatles-a-hard-days-night-lyrics
https://genius.com/Simon-and-garfunkel-the-boxer-lyrics
https://genius.com/David-bowie-changes-lyrics
https://genius.com/Bob-marley-and-the-wailers-get-up-stand-up-lyrics
https://genius.com/The-beatles-back-in-the-ussr-lyrics
6330.(Treaty name change.)Kyoto Accord/Kyoto Protocol
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyoto_Protocol
6331.(Fictional Character name change.)Gus Frey/Gus Fring
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gus_Fring
6332.(Special name change.)Treehouse Of TerroTreehouse Of Horror
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treehouse_of_Horror
6333.(Company name change.)Amber Crombie & Fitch/Ambercrombie & Fitch/Abercrombie & Fitch(Does the logo look off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abercrombie_%26_Fitch
6334.(Music Lyrics change.)"Make believe that you'll always have me."/"Make believe that you're always happy."(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/godsmack/awake.html
6335.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these cities, and similar places not existing?(Santa Claus, Indiana.)(Intercourse, Pennsylvania.)(Idiotville, Oregon.)(Toad Suck, Arkansas.)(Eighty Eight, Kentucky.)(Eighty Four, Pennsylvania.)(Ding Dong, Texas.)(Cut And Shoot, Texas.)(Saint-Louis-Du-Ha!-Ha!, Québec(Quebec?), Canada.)(Hot Coffee, Mississippi.)(Knockemstiff, Ohio.)(Two Egg, Florida.)(Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.)(Cookietown, Oklahoma.)(Glen Campbell, Pennsylvania.)(Accident, Maryland.)(Big Arm, Montana.)(Chicken, Alaska.)(Coupon, Pennsylvania.)(Dogtown, Alabama.)(Embarrass, Minnesota.)(Eureka, California.)(Eureka, Kansas.)(Experiment, Georgia.)(Fertile, Iowa.)(Frankenstein, Missouri.)(Gaylordsville, Connecticut.)(Hazard, Nebraska.)(Hell, Michigan.)(Hippo, Kentucky.)(Imalone, Wisconsin.)(Kickapoo, Kansas.)(Los Baños, California.)(Marrowbone, Tennessee.)(Mexican Water, Arizona.)(Mock City, Washington.)(Money, Mississippi.)(Mosquitoville, Vermont.)(Ninety Six, South Carolina.)(Nothing, Arizona.)(Oatmeal, Texas.)(Office Hall, Virginia.)(Okay, Oklahoma.)(Paw Paw, West Virginia.)(Pee Pee, Ohio.)(Pie Town, New Mexico.)(Pigeon, Michigan.)(Protection, Kansas.)(Red Shirt, South Dakota.)(Rough And Ready, California.)(Searchlight, Nevada.)(Spread Eagle, Wisconsin.)(Tightwad, Missouri.)(Toast, North Carolina.)(Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico.)(Twig, Minnesota.)(Unalaska, Alaska.)(Uncertain, Texas.)(Virgin, Utah.)(War, West Virginia.)(Waterproof, Louisiana.)(What Cheer, Iowa.)(Whynot, North Carolina.)(Y City, Arkansas.)(Zap, North Dakota.)(Monkeys Eyebrow, Kentucky.)(Bumpass, Virginia.)(Anus, France.)(Windpassing, Austria.)(Humptulips, Washington.)(Yolo County, California.)(Boring, Oregon.)(Hooker, Oklahoma.)(Weed, California.)(Batman, Turkey.)(Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales.)(Why, Arizona.)(Dildo, Newfoundland And Labrador,(Newfoundland?)Canada.)(Lickskillet, Texas.)(Cheesequake, New Jersey.)(Nowhere Else, Australia.)(Titty Hill, England.)(Santa Claus, Georgia.)(Puke, Albania.)(Fartsville, Indiana.)(Poopsdale, Indiana.)(Cool, California.)(Beer, Devon, England.)(Disco, Tennessee.)(Fear Not, Pennsylvania.)(Rest And Be Thankful, Argyll And Butte, Scotland.)(Surprise, Arizona.)(Climax, Pennsylvania.)(Arsenic Tubs, New Mexico.)(Dismal, Tennessee.)(Double Trouble, New Jersey.)(Moron, Mongolia.)(Satan’s Kingdom, Vermont.)(Who’s Thought It, Texas.)(Cabbage Patch, California.)(Silly, Belgium.)(Sweet Lips, Tennessee.)Polkadott, Ohio.)(Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario, Canada.)(Bread Loaf, Vermont.)(Clam, Virginia.)(Egg, Austria.)(Eek, Alaska.)(Hurt, Virginia.)(Monster, Netherlands.)(River Styx, Ohio.)(Bumble Bee, Arizona.)(Porcupine, South Dakota.)(Doghouse Junction, California.)(Bangs, Texas.)(Soda Springs, Idaho.)(Bluff, Alaska.)(Placentia, California.)(Fries, Virginia.)(Dinosaur, Colorado.)(American Fork, Utah.)(Concrete, Washington.)(Briny Breezes, Florida.)(Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina.)(Canadian, Texas.)(Superior, Wyoming.)(Atomic City, Idaho.)(Coward, South Carolina.)(Three Way, Tennessee.)(Winnebago, Minnesota.)(Last Chance, Iowa.)(Speed, North Carolina.)(Oblong, Illinois.)(Colon, Michigan.)(Pink, Michigan.)(Blue Grass, Iowa.)(Popejoy, Iowa.)
http://mentalfloss.com/article/27987/15-places-strange-names-and-how-they-got-them
https://thoughtcatalog.com/michael-koh/2014/01/52-weird-names-of-places-in-the-united-states-that-you-just-cant-believe-are-real/
https://www.rd.com/funny-stuff/36-funny-places-to-live-around-the-world/
https://www.babbel.com/en/magazine/the-35-weirdest-city-and-town-names-in-the-usa/
6336.(Music Lyrics change.)"The Red Queen's lost her head."/"The Red Queen's off with her head."(Anything else off?)
https://genius.com/amp/Jefferson-airplane-white-rabbit-lyrics
6337.(Phantom movie.)Do you remember The Bourne Identity from 1988 not being a thing?(The Born series/The Borne series/The Bourne series)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bourne_Identity_(1988_film)
6338.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember this viral photo being a beach, or a door?(Anything else off?)
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/fl-reg-is-it-beach-or-door-twitter-photo-20180831-story.html
6339.(Music Lyrics change.)"She's been all around the block."/"She been all around the block."("There's been as many hands on her as the knob on a door."/"There's been many hands on her as the knob on the door.")("She will ride through the flames of Hell."/"She will walk through the flames of Hell.")(Anything else off?)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/she-loves-my-cock-lyrics-jackyl.html
6340.(Music Lyrics change.)"Like a blister in the Sun."/"Like I blister in the Sun."(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Violent-femmes-blister-in-the-sun-lyrics
6341.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the cover art for Little Nicky being different in any way?(Does the logo look off?)
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/little_nicky/
6342.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember it being more certain that King Arthur, and everything surrounding him actually existed?
https://www.history.com/news/was-king-arthur-a-real-person
6343.(History change.)Do you remember there being way more bras burned during the women's protests than there actually were?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_America_protest
6344.(Date change.)Do you remember the first air-to-air missles being made around 1930, and not as far back as 1916?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Prieur_rocket
6345.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the company in Total Recall being called Recall Incorporated instead of Rekall Incorporated?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Recall_(1990_film)
6346.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Jason Bateman, or someone else starring as the older version of Zac Efron in 17 Again instead of Matthew Perry?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/17_Again_(film)
6347.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Selena Gomez always snapping her fingers, or using her wand to make the logo appear in the Wizards Of Waverly Place theme song instead of looking in her bag?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizards_of_Waverly_Place
6348.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Double, Double, Toil And Trouble being about a Halloween sleepover instead of what it is now?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double,_Double,_Toil_and_Trouble
6349.(Album Logo change.)Do you remember the kid holding a bat on the Regional At Best album cover by Twenty ØNE PILØTS?(Anything else off?)(21 Pilots?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
http://twenty-one-pilots.wikia.com/wiki/Regional_at_Best
6350.(Song Title change.)What About Angels/Not About Angels(Any of the lyrics off?)(Do any of their logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Birdy-not-about-angels-lyrics
6351.(Date change.)Do you remember Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius(Jimmy Neutron?)being released after The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius(The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron?)instead of before?(Any of the logos look off?)(Anything else off?)(Debby Derryberry/Debi Derryberry)(Was Debi never an acceptable spelling of Debby?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Jimmy_Neutron:_Boy_Genius
6352.(Music Lyrics change.)"You think you the mob?"/"You think you mob?"("Motherfucking belts."/"Motherfucker's belt.")("We bad boy killas."/"We bad boy killa.")(Anything else off?)(Do any of any of their logos look off?)(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://genius.com/2pac-hit-em-up-lyrics
6353.(Music Lyrics change.)"She's still my lady."/"She's still my baby."(Any of the other lyrics off?)(Do any of his logos look off?)
https://genius.com/Charlie-rich-behind-closed-doors-lyrics
6354.(Famous Actor name change.)Stephen Anell/Stephen Amell
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Amell
6355.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(US flag changed again, Sphinx changed again, Vitruvian Man changed again, Mount Rushmore changed again, The Creation Of Adam changed again, The Last Supper changed again, Mary Magdalene history changed, The Thinker changed again, 10% of people have a spinal abnormality, or having a 6th vertebrae, giant otters changed again, the moon tilted, changes in the rules of wisdom teeth, human feet changed again, lots of new sea creatures, scientists turn sunlight to fuel, plant that copies other plants, pink wasn't always for girls, and blue wasn't always for boys, and FDR, and other boys around his time dressed like girls at a young age, gypsy horse, silver horse, qinling panda, 100-year-old self-playing violin, 1939 radio wave driven fax machines first patented in 1843, du temple monoplane with steam engine 29 years before the Wright Brothers, the boy with no brain that regrew brain after birth.)(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zIRvieS8LHA
6356.(Music Lyrics change.)"The hills are filled."/"Hills are filled."("Driving down the freeway."/"Driving down your freeway.")(Ing to In' lyrics.)
https://genius.com/The-doors-la-woman-lyrics
6357.(Movie name change.)Face Off/Face/Off(Other logos, and similar things used around the movie changed too.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face/Off
Add-On: Do you remember Santa Claus having buttons on his suit?(Chris Cringle/Kris Kringle)(Other spellings?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus
6358.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the phone booth in the Bill & Ted movies saying Telephone instead of Phone?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_%26_Ted%27s_Excellent_Adventure
6359.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Atlantis being described as a continent instead of a city on an island?(Was there more assurance it existed?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantis
Add-On: Do you remember these things not being pink, or green?(Video below.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-ydjJQONpCU
6360.(History change.)Do you remember Benjamin Franklin only using a key in the kite experiment, and not a bottle?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kite_experiment
6361.(Spelling change.)Qualude/Quāālude(Other spellings?)(Is the pronunciation off?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methaqualone
6362.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember these things being different, or not a thing?(Risso's dolphin, pygmy killer whale, some sharks are warm-blooded partially, Sumatran rhinos, Tamaraw, Poitou donkey, Cary Grant never says "Judy. Judy. Judy.", Sgt. Joe Friday "Nothing but the facts ma'am.", or "Just the facts ma'am." is never said, and other stuff surrounding it is off, and the Dragnet logo changed, "Made up of whole cloth." is now a saying, Al Gore never says "I invented the internet.", alligators, and crocodiles used to be completely violent, lots of animals are more aggressive, and pee, and poop on themselves, and each other, and other places, elephants leak out gross stuff everywhere, Sarah Palin never says anything like "I can see Russia from my house." during the 2008 campaign, and other stuff surrounding it is off, Charles Boyer never says anything like "Come with me to the casbah." in any movie,(Does the movie cover logo look off at all?)"Badges, we don't need no stinking badges." is not the actual quote from The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre, rattlesnakes now climb trees, and disappearing from certain places, carbon dating is completely off, red heifers have already been bred, cicadas making weird sounds, and disappearing from certain places, colorful new birds, and weird new bird sounds, crows look different, plans to build third Israel(Isreal?)(Is the pronunciation off?)temple, lots of geography changes, lots more Adam's apple changes, and other body changes, hoodwinker sunfish, and there is more than one kind of sunfish, and they look off, Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson changed again, Bar Mitzvah used to be spelled, and pronounced different, more of Einstein's life has changed, more changes to tardigrade, Lazarus sign, lots more info on Nikola Tesla, and his existence is a change for some, more weird scarab beetles, more changes to Statue Of Liberty, ancient virus responsible for human conscious, water molecules found in Jupiter's Great Red Spot(Big Red Spot?), lung fish, weird nose tricks, more changes to Mount Rushmore, more changes to Shiva.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2eyqmbCwv0E
6363.(Movie Quote change.)"That's a fact Jack."/That's the fact Jack."(Razzle Dazzle/Razzle-Dazzle)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FOzub_ghAbM
6364.(T.V. Show name change.)Galaxy High/Galaxy High School(Is the Team Galaxy logo off?)(Kid Video/Kidd Video, and is the logo off?)(The Biscuits/The Biskitts)(The Quicky Koala Show/The Kwiky Koala Show)(Anything else off?)(Is the 6teen(16, or Sixteen logo off?)
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0229405/
6365.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember the iconic door chase scene being popularized, and created by Scooby-Doo?
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScoobyDoobyDoors
6366.(Music Lyrics change.)"Hey, good looking."/"Hey hey, good looking."/"Say hey, good looking."(Ing to In' lyrics.)(Anything else off?)
http://www.metrolyrics.com/hey-good-lookin-lyrics-hank-williams.html
6367.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember Isaac Hayes quitting South Park because he passed away instead of Scientology?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isaac_Hayes
6368.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember fire hydrants being only red, yellow, and sometimes silver?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_hydrant
6369.(Movie Quote change.)"I'll be your huckleberry."/"I'm your huckleberry."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R8OWNspU_yE
6370.(Restaurant name change.)Romano's Macaroni And Grill/Romano's Macaroni Grill(Was it something else?)(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romano's_Macaroni_Grill
6371.(Music Lyrics change.)"They wrote you."/"I wrote you."
https://genius.com/System-of-a-down-lost-in-hollywood-lyrics
6372.(Fictional Character appearance change.)Do you remember Freddy Krueger always having a red, and green sweater instead of red, and black, or dark gray?(Anything else off?)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddy_Krueger
6373.(Can't think of a title.)Do you remember this game only as Bean Bag Toss, and nothing else, and were they only known as bean bags?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornhole
submitted by iminterestingplease to Retconned [link] [comments]


2014.11.17 20:51 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: We’re part of the team that helps NASA’s Orion slow down and splashdown. Ask us anything.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2014-11-17
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
What's it like to be in space and look around you? What goes through your mind? This is a tough question. It is a little like asking someone to describe being on a boat to someone who has always kept their feet on dry land, or describe being cold to someone who has always been warm. The best that I can come up with is that the view out the window is somewhat like the view out of an airliner window, just from much higher. An airliner flies up to 7 miles up, we are anywhere from 150 to 300 miles up. So we are a lot higher, but it is a difference in degree more than a difference in kind. The other primary sensation is that of weightlessness. The best analogy to this is only applicable if you are an adept swimmer, and very comfortable in the water. If you are, then being is space is a little like floating in the water of a warm swimming pool on a pleasant day. That is, the sensation of floating is one of relaxation and comfort, with no fear of falling or anything of the sort. I really miss floating!
It's my understanding that this test flight will be unmanned. Will there be any unique instruments that will be used to see that any potential crew would've survived, beyond heat/G force? Does this mission have any objectives other than testing the viability of the rocket/spacecraft system? 1.) Correct, EFT1 will be unmanned. However, this flight has a large amount of instrumentation on it that will be used for post flight analysis and model correlation. Additionally, during some of our ground tests we do use instrumented anthropomorphic manikins. 2.) A couple major objectives that will be demonstrated on EFT1 is the performance of the Orion heat shield and performance of the Orion electrical system outside the Van Allen Belts. EFT1 will enter at ~19,000 mph and will reach an orbital altitude of 3,200 miles. In comparison, ISS visiting vehicles enter at ~12,000 mph and reach an orbital altitude of ~265 miles.
Given that the LM Orion program and SpaceX share the specific goal of exploring deeper fields of space, do you see this as an opportunity for competition or collaboration? 3.) I think most of us on Orion, as space geeks, enjoy watching the work that SpaceX does. We are focused on our responsibilities on Orion, but we know that as the community learns to better address challenges in space we will all benefit
Which universities did you all attend? My 8 year old is interested in this and already wants to go to Caltech. I would love to give him other ideas. Thx for your time!! Rick: There are lots of great schools that you could attend. Caltech is certainly one of them, but pretty much all of the major universities have graduates involved in the space program, and lots of small schools as well. Here, as in many situations, diversity makes us stronger.
Chris Prouty: University of Colorado - Boulder Mike Heckler: University of Arizona Dean Coleman: University of Texas at San Antonio Dan Hall: University of Florida (Go Gators!!) Doug Harrison: University of Houston Rick Hieb: Northwest Nazarene University (then college)
I am an Embry-Riddle student and was wondering how much does the Orion capsule weigh and what is it made of/how thick is the material to ensure it reaches Earth's surface safely? Dean Coleman: Landed weight is ~ 19,500lbs. Launch weight is ~ 22,000lbs. The vehicle is comprised of many materials for thermal protection and metals for structures (titanium, aluminum, etc). The material thickness is as minimal as possible to achieve positive margin. Orion loses weight because because of things like fuel use, jettisoning of forward bay cover (parachute cover), and some ablative material coming off of the heat shield.
What kind of dangers are you able to anticipate, but have absolutely no contingency plan for? Rick Here: Sorry for the delay, the team was talking through it. A very large space debris impact could be a very serious problem, it's hard to plan for an incident that catastrophically damages the whole structure of the spacecraft. It's why we plan as much as possible to avoid these kinds of incidents. Space travel is dangerous but we work to make it safer.
Hi guys. I'm a mechanical engineering (aerospace focus) in her final year of school. I can pin point the moment I choose engineering when I saw Discovery launch in 2009. I want to thank you for working on the Orion program because it keeps me inspired about my field even during the worst exam weeks. So for my question(s): how does the Orion program divide between the private sector (Lockheed Martin and other business) and NASA? And will Lockheed Martin continue to work on the program until it's end? And any advice for this future engineer on the transition from university to the job market? Mike Heckler: Space is a community. Contractors and NASA work together closely. NASA decides what work to perform in-house and what work they want contractors like us to perform. Then NASA then holds competitions and selects who they want to perform the work and awards a contract. As for transition from university to the job market, I'd advise trying to get to know someone in the industry, someone who can vouch for you always helps with getting your foot in the door. BTW, I fell in love with the space biz, after I saw the movie "The Right Stuff"! If you haven't seen it you should!
What makes Orion a truly "deep space" mode of transportation? I would think that on any long-term journey, an additional habitation module would be included, so the radiation shielding on the capsule itself wouldn't necessarily need to be better. Is it just the heat shield for higher re-entry speeds? Dan Hall: Many many systems! An ablative heat shield, radiation proof avionics, a solar array and battery power system. In addition, advanced life support systems, communication and navigation support beyond the bounds of GPS, astronaut protection during deep space return velocities and protection from exposure to the harsh radiation present beyond low Earth orbit. It's also the most airtight vehicle that NASA has ever had!
I hear there's a test launch in December. What's being testing this time around? How many test launches are planned? With this test we’ll address 10 of our top 16 design challenges associated with deep space travel. We’ll test every inch of the spacecraft, from the aluminum lithium frame to the avionics and everything in between. This test is as comprehensive as it gets.
There are three test launches planned. EFT-1, EM-1 and EM-2.
Thank you so much for doing this AMA! I get to go to the ULA center in Denver and with the Rocket launch from there! My question is, what is the best thing a 17 year old looking to get into Aerospace Engineering do? Rick: Work hard to get great grades, because it is a very competitive field. But don't just focus on school. Get broader experiences, take up SCUBA diving, flying airplanes, playing sports, etc. And learn to change your own oil and your tires on your car - astronauts do a lot with their hands, and engineers have to know about real hardware, so all those things help.
Could you give some info on why a water landing was chosen over land? Does it save a significant amount of weight or is it just generally considered safer? Did recovery costs have any impact on that decision? Mike Heckler and Chris Prouty: Water landings save weight. We conducted a trade study on this. We already had to have a water landing capability to provide an abort capability. Land Landing would require additional hardware that would not be used on water landings. Removal of the land landing hardware saved significant weight.
Will you not upgrade Orion with an MLAS that will not be disposed off during launch but will be used as a propulsive landing module to terrestrial bodies in the solar system? 1.) this is an architectural decision that may be revisited down the road. But seldom is there a compromise that will effectively address two such different requirements (launch abort and lunar landing).
Is it possible to revived the Saturn V with a single F1 engine core and 4 single F1 engine strap on for future Orions? 2.) With regard to Saturn V: At this point reviving Saturn V is really out of the question. The work going on now to develop and build SLS is a better use of our resources than restarting manufacturing lines, etc., to build something that has been surpassed by modern designs.
Are there other options for a Multi Year Habitat Module for the Orion aside from the ISS Node, Cygnus or Inflatables type? Are composite or glass modules possible? How many Orions will be built? Will they be reused and up to how many times? On your other point, we want Orion to go to the moon and Mars many times!
What is the best thing you all have ever seen in space? From our engineers: Seeing our own hardware in Space is always an inspiring moment. We've all had moments with family and friends where we jump up and shout "that's my stuff"
From Rick: Earth.
For Rick: have you seen Interstellar? If so, did you feel it portrayed the feeling of being in space accurately? Interstellar -- I haven't seen it yet, but I will. My wife and I were discussing going to see it this weekend but it was too cold and nasty out so we stayed in instead!
To Rick - what's re-entry truly like, and do you have any memorable experiences from launch or re-entry? Re-entry on Shuttle was very smooth - gradual onset of gravity, very gentle. Scary outside the window because the heating is obvious, but inside quite calm.
To the team - first, as an aerospace engineer, thank you for helping get us back to large-scale human exploration. I've heard that the diameter of the capsule is smaller than it was originally planned, did that affect engineering decisions for you all? Dean Coleman: Since we've been working on Orion the capsule has remained the same size. So this wasn't a consideration for us
Rick, what is the most harrowing part of being in space? Most harrowing part - launch is the scariest, but that is not really being in space, but getting there. Second is re-entry, because again that is a very dynamic part of the missions. Third would be a spacewalk - but it is so awesome that you are too busy working and sneaking looks at the earth to be scared (much!)
Last updated: 2014-11-21 13:56 UTC
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2014.05.29 21:37 tabledresser [Table] IamA former Comcast Call Center Rep for 4 1/2 years. AMA!

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Date: 2014-05-29
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Questions Answers
In short, if your company has organized meetings trying to discourage you from forming a union...then you should form a fucking union. Exactly.
I read your story in ask reddit, and all I have to say is holy shit. Have you considered testifying in front of congress? Yep. I would if asked. Maybe I should contact Al Franken.
If you're Minnesotan give em both a try. If you're not Minnesotan there's a high chance your letter goes straight in the trash. It's a huge taboo in congress to deal with another member's constituents. Funny enough, I'd submitted something earlier this week notifying my Senators about Net Neutrality, and got this] ([Link to i.imgur.com about the same time this was posted. Good times.
The shitshow you describe is only going to get worse (esp. if Comcast and TWC are allowed to merge). Please seriously consider finding a political outlet to tell your story. Will do.
How often did you have to lie to customers about their service/speed whatever? I didn't have to outright lie about speed very much. Most of the problems people called in for were with wireless connectivity, which we did not support.
It's a shady, shady game, though. We'd just have them plug the modem direct into their computer and test it. That way, it would have just gotten a reboot and any line condition issues wouldn't have enough time to start affecting the service. I'd ask people to keep it plugged in to the modem for a day to test it because I knew they wouldn't be able to keep it plugged in. The modem always connected and always resulted in speeds above what they were paying for.
Is there such thing as a "normal call volume"? Everytime I call they say it is "higher than normal call volume". This is kind of like an ideal setting, where there would be enough reps to cover the volume of calls, provided all the calls are below a certain threshold and there haven't been any significant changes in channel line-ups, bi-annual bill increases, outages or full moons.
So never.
When I look at my Comcast bill, what's the place they are most likely trying to screw me? What areas or services, and is there any way to tell? You have to write the promotions down when you first arrange for them, then set calendar reminders a month before they expire. Your bill will not include the timelines for your promotions. The promotions will start and stop mid-cycle, so the charges may only go up 3.49 on one bill, but then a full 14.99 on the next.
Also, this is my favorite curveball to throw at them: The taxes and fees are never itemized, and the pro-rates for the taxes and fees calculations are never printed. This is the highest potential for shady charges because it can't be scrutinized. You can't verify their math. So if you change your services three times in a month, all those charges and credits are hidden. You only see one number per tax or fee, not three each totaling to a fourth total tax/fee column. Ask them to break the fees down. Nobody can do it.
How did you respond when someone asked you to break the taxes or fees down? Nobody did, thankfully. Some people pushed about it a little bit, and I'd just tell them those fees are all calculated automatically, subject to change from day to day, etc.
What is the easiest way to get what i want when calling in? Don't expect it to be easy. It also depends on what you're calling in for. If you don't want to upgrade or add a line of business, tell them that explicitly at the beginning of the call.
Don't yell or swear. If you do, the resistance will be much, much higher and you probably won't get what you want. You will get a longer call, longer hold times and complacency.
You say that like comcast reps are people and not directly responsible for my problems, thereby deserving of my ire. It's like that, but not like that.
Do you have to put up with customers who swear? I work in a customer service center (for a much smaller company, mind you) but we have permission to hang up on a customer as soon as they swear. Customers can swear all they want at Comcast reps and the reps are not to hang up on the customer under any circumstances. They can say pretty much anything they want. As a rep, you can only try and talk them down or sit there and take it.
What was the most difficult customer situation that you had to deal with and why? I worked one Christmas, and received a call from a woman with Internet connectivity problems. For whatever reason, her modem had taken a crap and wouldn't lock on to the signal. Her neighborhood was fine, her apartment building was fine, and she only had a single coax jack.
She was upset because she was trying to get onto eHarmony to find a date for the night. She admitted that she was lonely and everybody she knew was out of town, and just wanted somebody to talk to. I knew exactly where the conversation was going, but I let it run its course. She kept asking if there was anybody in the neighborhood, if there was anything else we could try or test and did not want to let me off the phone.
Eventually, she asked what I was doing later that day, and if I'd like to keep her company on the lonely holiday. I tried to let her down easy, and she took it pretty well, but was still audibly let down. I don't know why, but that one hit me pretty hard, imagining this woman sitting alone in her apartment with nobody to call and nothing to do.
Not my most difficult, necessarily, but definitely one of the most memorable.
Jesus...that is terrible. Yeah. I felt like I should help her out, but what the hell was I supposed to do?
Did she sound hot? She did not. She sounded frumpy and sad.
Sell her a Triple Play bundle? S. Zing!
When you rub your nipples, do you use lotion, or petroleum jelly? I don't have a lot of feeling in my nipples, so I don't feel much pleasure in rubbing them.
That being said, I imagine I'd probably just use the same silicon lube I use for...other purposes.
Well you don't work for Comcast anymore, so you don't fuck as many people in the ass as before. Nor do I take it in the ass nearly as much as I used to. So it works out.
Strallweat's dad misses you. I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure there was somebody in my chair before it ever got warm.
I have been on the line for 20 minutes and you haven't answer my question. My question is, when are you going to take my call? No, seriously, thank your for doing IAMA and fuck comcast. Please hold. Angry Birds: Star Wars just got an update and I'm working my way through the new levels.
Gotta do cwazy cupcakes, too. Simpsons: Tapped Out, anything by NimbleBit, Fruit Ninja...
Sudoku? Flappy birds? Yes, and crosswords. No Flappy Birds. Haven't worked there in over a year now.
Do you currently have comcast? are there perks to working for them (free cable/internet)? I still begrudgingly subscribe to their Internet service. And yes, they have great benefits, including complimentary services.
Internet was free. Started out at 6/1 Mbps, by the time I left I was getting 50/10 Mbps for free.
Got all the channels in the Digital Premium tier for free, which included all regular channels plus all the premiums (Cinemax, Showtime, HBO, Starz, the Movie Channel (I think?)) which was normally about $129/mo if you paid for it.
Phone service was $14.99/mo if you wanted it.
Are you getting free services for free even after you left. Nope. I pay for service now. I had free service for the month after I left, but that was it.
I did work the, "I'd like to disconnect my service because it's too expensive" angle, though, so I'm not paying full price.
Daaamn that would be sweet. Did you still have regular plebian comcast problems as well? like did they ever fuck you over while you were in their employ? I never had an issue beyond the first month when I was missing a single channel. Tech was out next day, then everything worked great.
Also, what do you do now and ow does it compare? Still have them for Internet, because there's not a viable option that is much cheaper and definitely not nearly fast enough.
Did most other billing center employee's follow your managers "encouragement"? You know, I was convinced that her role was to weed out the people they didn't want working there any more, but couldn't find a reason to fire.
Two of my favorite coworkers quit within a couple months of being on her team because she'd pick one person to rag on, and rag on and rag on until they went away. They'd just up and "fuck it" one day after hearing too much of her shit.
That being said, there were quite a few decent people in management roles as well.
Link to www.youtube.com. Nailed it.
Having worked in call centers, there are many signs that things are going downhill very fast. Did you see any red flags, and why did you stay? When you go through a day and you don't have a single interaction without a canned response. When autopilot stays on for the full eight or ten hours, that means something is very wrong.
I stayed because it was impossible to find another job, and I was trying to go to school so I could get a better job. Comcast reimbursed you for school expenses, up to $3500 but my schedule changed every 6 months so I couldn't be sure if I was ever going to be able to finish a class when I started. Also had to work a year after being reimbursed otherwise you have to pay that sum back.
"When you go through a day and you don't have a single interaction without a canned response." Interaction with who? Canned response to what? If you're talking about interacting with customers, what does this have to do with things going downhill? I guess I took the question as things going downhill with me and the work I'm doing, interacting with customers.
Signs that a call center may not be headed in a great direction: lowering or cutting benefits, workloads or responsibilities being shifted to other call centers, group firings/layoffs, focus only on the bottom line and not with customer satisfaction...
Yup. I felt dirty asking stuff like that... and the higher ups would act like that was just good business. Creeping on people and asking them personal questions isn't good sales technique IMO. I ran into nothing but problems whenever I tried to use that line on browsing habits.
"What? That's none of your goddamned business!" (click)
How did you end up at the call center? were there any special requirements that had to be met before you could be hired? You had to kill a puppy in front of it's mother.
There weren't a lot of tests or anything before getting hired. I got an interview because I knew somebody who worked there. I was almost exclusively self-taught in the tech world, so knowing somebody helped get past the resume/experience hurdle.
The interview was by far the strangest I've experienced so far and since. It was a mass interview, probably 40 or so applicants sitting in a room, and at the head were three people from Comcast. Then they called us up, one by one and asked three questions. I remember two of them, "Tell us about a time you went above and beyond to help a customer," and, "Why should we hire you?"
These were the wrong people to be putting in front of a room. These were quiet nerds applying for a job taking phone calls, not public speaking. Almost everybody had shaky knees, stuttered or said, "Umm" a lot. There were some really bad answers, which helped me out a lot. Once everybody got their chance to stand up front and be judged, the three panelists up and left without a word. After about ten minutes, they came back in and thanked us all for our time, then told us to hand over our resumes on our way out. "We'll call you."
They started calling people up, shook their hand and took their resumes until about ten or so people had left, then they shut the door, leaving us there to wonder what the fuck was going on. About fifteen minutes after that, they come back in and tell us we just made it to the next level of the interview process, like we'd won a prize on a gameshow.
Then came the tests, which they'd boasted were very good at "weeding people out" who couldn't handle the math of retail. It was 45 minutes of basic addition and subtraction. That's it. I had to wait 45 more minutes because there weren't enough computers. We were all given the option to come back later and take the tests if we didn't have time to wait. At this point it'd been about three hours. I later learned that anybody who didn't wait around was not called back.
A scant four hours later, I left, exhausted and confused. There was another, more traditional in-person interview followed by one more phone interview with a higher-up. Two months after I applied, I was hired.
I also learned that this process was only used for about six months and was basically a big HR experiment. Just weird.
What percentage of your calls are normal/standard "how to" or "how can I find this" or "what is this"? And what percentage is pissed off people that their service got disconnected/is too expensive/can't figure out how to work the TV? Most people are in completely over their heads when it comes to technology. People want the new devices with all the bells and whistles, but they don't understand how it works, even on the most basic level.
A great example is oldeelderly people and HDTV's. These giant, high-def TV's are great for them because they can see the picture better and actually follow what's going on, but the remotes for these things are ridiculous and require a two week course to figure out how to operate them. The TV's buttons are all hidden as well, either behind the side or on the bottom of the display. They may as well be trying to fly the Enterprise.
Even with routers, people don't really get it. They think they can just plug things in and their computer will just figure it all out. Nevermind that you have to set up a network, configure it, then go to each of your devices and connect to it individually. You can't just bring it home, leave it in the box and have it magically make your house wireless. Yes, this happens fairly often.
"Well, what browser are you using?" "Are you using a Windows computer or a Mac?"
"The internet" "Laptop!" Face, meet palm. This is going to be a long call.
I worked in a call center for 4 years, asked that question ("What browser are you using?") many times, and the top two responses were: "I don't know" and "Yahoo" A lot of the time it came down to, "DO YOU CLICK ON THE BIG, BLUE E TO GET TO INTERNET?" Like speaking in cave-man to somebody very far away.
Often times when they responded with "I don't know" they would some times follow it with "the one that came with the computer". Now, chances are it's Internet Explorer, but after all it was an iFruit phone call center so I would ask "are you on a PC or a Mac?" and the fuckers would respond with "I don't know" they would some times follow it with "whats the difference?" FUCK MY LIFE! The other thing that always baffled me was our customers' lack of what I call "lateral movement" on the Internet. They would sit down at their computer, click the big blue E, page opens to comcast.net, then they click email to check their email. Once they're done, they close IE, then click the big blue E again and read the news and weather on comcast.net. Then they close it and that's it. That's the extent of their Internet usage. The page had a Google search bar at the top, beckoning them to any other site in the world, but they were content to stay within the realm of Comcast, a la the early days of AOL and Prodigy.
Were you actively trained to avoid fixing or dodge any kind of particular problem/complaint? When I was working in technical support, absolutely. I blamed the wireless connection most. My mantra was "Bypass the Router." It worked most of the time, and got most people off the phone more quickly.
However, if the diagnostics software showed a bad signal or intermittent connection, then I was directed to deal with that. I didn't try to blame that on the router or the material in their walls blocking the wireless signal. Then I had them bypass splitters, try different jacks, etc. When we could see it was a signal issue or our equipment, we were to fix our side of it.
Coming from a tech support rep; it's not shady. If you have no/intermittent wireless connection because of the $15 Dlink router you bought from the bargain bin at Best buy, there isn't much you can do about it. *$15 Belkin router you bought at that garage sale last weekend.
I work for a different provider. Had some call in recently who had wifi (not ours) connection issues...not even getting signal a foot away. She'd been calling for six months and was on her sixth router at this point. We changed the wifi broadcast channel and presto she can connect anywhere. Turns out it was interference from baby monitors. Not a problem with wifi or the internet but because router support does not exist in any meaningful way for consumers its up to the rare competent tech at an ISP that will go above and beyond what their company is responsible for. Tldr; if your microwave breaks do you call the electric company? If your car breaks down do you take it to the last station you filled your tires at?
My experience with customer service is that there's always that one common question that made you roll your eyes. What was that one question that you hated getting? People asking about what caused an outage. People with no technical background, nor understanding, nor frame of reference.
I tried telling people the truth, tried getting overly technical, tried in layman's terms and it all seemed to only piss them off. Eventually I just settled on telling them that some drunk guy ran into one of our utility poles. That seemed to make people happy. It was something they could relate to, somebody they couldn't direct their ire at.
"It says click next to continue. Do I click next?"
Would you say that working tech support increases coffee or alcohol consumption more? Um, yes. All substance intake and abuse increased exponentially the longer I worked there.
Well, I know that Chad Vader is a day shift manager at a grocery store. Link to www.youtube.com. I met Mike Nelson a while ago at my job before Comcast, got to thank him for MST3K and noted I'd seen Chad Vader on Riff Trax and found it funny. He was much more excited that I'd seen Chad Vader than his previous, more prominent show.
Can someone explain to me why people still use Comcast services? I'm not from the US but it seems all everybody does is complain about how shitty they are, why do you keep going back? The same reason people shop at Walmart and buy from other shady, shitty companies. It's money. People have their beliefs but aren't willing to pay a little more or sacrifice a little service to support a better company.
I still have Comcast and my phone provider is Verizon, so I'm right there with them. It's a tough habit to break.
In the most recent years as things turned for the worse, what was the ratio of horrible money-grubbing managers like in your story to decent managers that cared about the customer? Most cared quite a bit, and wanted to do right by the customer as much as they could. Some of them should not have been in management roles.
I had some supervisors who I respected very much, who would go above and beyond in assisting people to make sure they got what they were promised. However, as time went on, I did see less and less of this.
What happens on your end when you have to deal with a customer who has install problems and what about the 2hour install guarante?or is the we screwed up thing just a joke? I responded to a bunch of these while waiting for the post to come back up and it looks like none of the comments saved. Dammit.
Do you, the reps laugh at people calling in who have serious legit problems or do reps feel bad because you can't help the customers? The tech is supposed to apply the code, but they usually don't because that counts against their total credited dollars per month, and they get a ding for being late. Sometimes they note it, but most of the time they put all the responsibility on the customer to call in, because they more than likely will not call in.
What happens when an install tech tries to get money on site for an install? Most people will apply the credit, even though they don't want to.
Thank you, sounds like my local comcast are jerks,i'm still missing like a hundred dollars in credit and I have called multiple times to get it fixed and still nothing on the install tech that wanted cash in hand to do the install. May have written this on my other post in AskReddit, but document as much as you can every time you call. Date, time, name of the person you deal with, where their call center is located, and if you're speaking with somebody overseas, don't even bother. They can't transfer you to a domestic center. You'll just have to call back. All calls are recorded, so the more information you have, the easier it will be for them to look it up and review it. Most of the time, depending on the amount, they won't even look it up if you have it documented well enough.
How can I get free stuff and/or discounted rates? Get a job at Comcast and you'll get free Internet and TV service. Except that you have to sacrifice your soul.
As for discounts, just call every once in a while and say you're going to switch to another company because they're cheaper. Should work most of the time.
Is it true that you guys rub your nipples when you rip someone off like that South Park episode? Not at my level, but I'm sure the higher ups may have some kind of similar ritual.
As a rep did you hate the customers as much as they hated you? Not as a rule, no. There were quite a few people I liked talking to.
One guy, after I helped fixed his Internet connection, thanked me profusely for fixing his "porn box." There were a lot of understanding, decent people I spoke with.
Do you have an experience with a rude customer that you remember? There were plenty of rude customers, but most of them kind of fade into one, big gelatinous blob of rage after a while.
One that stood out was a guy who called in with issues with his DVR. He said he'd just gotten it home after swapping it out at a service center. The last rep told him that the signal he'd just sent to activate could take up to two hours, which was insane. I figured it was reasonable for him to be upset, then I looked through the previous notes where he was noted as being very angry, short-temptered, insulting and uncooperative. All things that were not supposed to be noted, but were noted all the same.
Every question I asked him, he either dismissed and insisted he didn't have to answer that because he's already told us before, or he would answer with a question. He wouldn't tell me what the display on the DVR read, he wouldn't tell me what lights are on, and when I asked him not to turn the box on because it needs time to boot up and load everything, he'd turn it on anyway and start going through the channels and telling me, one by one, that it didn't work. 2! Off. 3! Off. 4! Off. 5! Off...etc.
Just like the notes said, he became increasingly aggravated and starting swearing a lot, talking about how they hire idiots and that's why nothing ever works, and what the hell is wrong with me that I can't activate a simple box. I did what I always did when people started swearing, "Sir, I understand that you're frustrated and I'm sorry that the box isn't working, but I would appreciate it if you could stop cursing so we can get this working." I hear a pause, gears grinding, then he responds,
"Fuck. You." I want to crawl through the phone and kick him in the throat, but I can't, so I start to respond, "Is that how you really talk to people-" and he hangs up.
So, for the next, oh, three or four months I would log in to his account on our diagnostics system and send random signals to reset it and clear any custom settings. Every night. I also did some online research and found that he operated a liquor store near where I lived, where mice poop had been reported by several customers and they received similar treatment to what I'd endured. So I made sure that found it's way to the inspection folks at the city, Yelp, Foursquare, Google Places, anywhere I could post it.
"Fuck. You." I want to crawl through the phone and kick him in the throat, but I can't, so I start to respond, "Is that how you really talk to people-" and he hangs up. It was. He was also the third in a stream of absolute dickheads, so the feelings were augmented. Even so, I didn't feel bad about it, not even one time. I don't need you to respond to this, but when we started to support other areas, like Seattle, Portland, Bay Area, Denver, Houston, etc, I kinda figured the most difficult people would be in California and/or Houston. I was wrong. All the douche-nozzles were in Colorado. Consistently the most self-entitled, ignorant assholes I've ever spoken with. Some nice people, sure, but mostly just terrible human beings.
That's a bit... extreme. The most I've done was for 2 days to a woman in TX, BOTs to SAs.
Why is it cheaper to get a bundle package of WiFi and cable instead of just WiFi? Are cable boxes and DVRs taking up too much real estate in the warehouses? What gives? It's an incentive to drive sales. You're more likely to bundle the two services together if they offer a discount. They want you to have as many services as possible, so they offer the largest discount on the bundles with the most products.
I hear all these bad things about comcast, why do people still stay with it? I understand that in some areas that they might be the only choice, but if everyone in that area quits comcast, that could give rise to a new company.. There are usually other options, but nothing really viable. I think there are more options coming to certain areas, but the larger teleco's seem to respect each other's boundaries because it's easier that way.
With Internet Support -- the common fault as I read in the comments is usually related to the persons wireless router, which as you said you don't give support for, and neither does my ISP. Yes. It's called a Gateway, and that's what Comcast is pushing out to a lot of people. One of the main weaknesses of the device is that it's expensive, and if one part of it stops working, say the wireless part or the modem part, you have to replace the whole thing.
Is there a push in the industry to make modems and routers one device to give to customers? Something I'm REALLY surprised people aren't making a bigger stink out of is that on all of the newer Gateways (appx starting at the end of 2012) they broadcast two networks. One is hidden and the other is your home network. Eventually, the plan is to activate all the dormant secondary networks to form a mesh network for their mobile wireless product, Xfinity Wifi. So your gateway will be used by people outside your house and without your knowledge. This might be the most fucked up move in recent memory.
4 and a half years!!! really how or what is it that made you endure that much on such a stressful environment...? perks? No idea. Pretty sure I'm a glutton for punishment.
Wut. Depending on the model, you can log in remotely if you know the IP address.
How much do they control it? As in they simply have access to do it, or they have absolute control over it? Well, you can log in on all of them, but some models' login information changes from day to day and is comprised of 16-digit hexadecimal usernames and passwords.
I guess I don't understand why idreaminmeme didn't just turn their own wifi on? Once logged in, you can see everything about the network. SSID, encryption key, all the information about the second network, what devices are attached, usage...
Have you ever considered the declining conditions of the workers there to be tied into the value of Comcast stock, and the more harshly they treated you (and by extension the customers), the more the cost of the stock goes up because of projected 'cost savings'? There's a correlation, sure, but I don't think that's the sole reason for their financial success.
I saw a lot of benefits either slashed or shrink in my time working there. For the first few years, they supplied us with free bus passes. Upon learning that this wasn't how things were run in other regions, they decided to stop supplying us with bus passes in order to 'align with corporate goals' and work towards "One Comcast." They used that shitty excuse to lop off any benefit or expense that they could.
Employee discounts also shrunk for things like PPV's,On Demand movies and DVR's went from half off to 20% off last I checked. Wouldn't want to lose out on that income and give it to employees at cost.
What percentage would you say really needed your help and how much were simply user error? Tough call. I would say that if people were to simply read the instructions they were given, or write down what they had to do to fix their problem the last time it happened (power cycle your modem & router) or by just reading what's on their computer, that would probably cut down on 40-50% of calls. Not even kidding. That I would call user error.
The rest are either legit issues with signal/equipment or people who just aren't educated when it comes to modern computers and technology.
Have you found daily life on the outside to be different now that you no longer are in posession of your soul? I get lost in thought a lot. I have very little empathy. But I drink less and I'm not abusing myself as much.
I do experience happiness from time to time, but it's ever fleeting. Maybe that's just life, though.
How much shit am I going to be in when Comcast finds out I haven't seen a bill since signing up 8 months ago? And I check the website every month and no bill. And it has me listed as having the wrong service, that is in awaiting activation. You might be very sad come audit time.
Last updated: 2014-06-02 14:06 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
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2014.03.10 12:54 amdewstow This Sub has Reached 1K+ Cards!

This Sub has Reached 1K+ White Cards!
And here they are :
"Long live the king"
"No" not meaning "No"

420YOLOSWAG

$100
$20
1 man, 1 jar
1.21 Gigawatts
100 horse size ducks.
1337 Sp3ak.
2 tooled up niggers with a blowtorch and some pliers
400 BABIES!!
7 bare chested black men and a Puma on a lead
70's bush.
70's porn bass lines.
9/11
A 2 inch tongue punch to the butt.
A 20 piece Chicken McNugget meal for one.
A 6 inch turkey on wheat with lettuce tomato pickles mayonnaise mustard and just a couple of banana peppers
A banana for scale
A barbwire fleshlight.
A baseball bat dildo.
A big bowl of spiderwebs
A Big, Scaly Dragon Dick.
A bollock caught in an electric whisk
A booby-trapped Cookie Bouquet
A box full of terrible foreign candy.
A broken rubber band, a ball of lint, and a faded receipt.
A bucket full of horse semen, poured into your gaping mouth and all over your naked body.
A bucketful of bull semen
A bunch of ducks in a zip-up costume.
A bunch of fucking naggers
A cactus
A carpet that matches the drapes
A CATastrophe
A center for ants.
A Chode
A cocktus
A cold harrowing scream echoing around a dark prison
A con within a con within a con. It's conception.
A conjugal trailer at the children's hospital.
A crotchless burqa.
A Cub Scout camp out at Neverland Ranch
A cyborg Kodiak bear with a flamethrower and a jet pack. It can also breathe underwater and only be defeated by love.
A day care Fight Club.
A dead baby in a clown costume.
A dentist whose fingers smell like they've been scratching their ass for the past twenty minutes.
A dick so big and black no light can escape from it
A dick that won't fit and an ass that won't quit.
A dishonorable discharge.
A dog making YOU lick peanut butter off ITS balls
A Double-Double enema
A dramatic reading of an Internet comments fight
A dream where you find your self standing in sun-god robes on top of a pyramid with a thousand naked girls screaming and throwing little pickles at you.
A dream within a dream within a wet dream
a drunk prom date
A face-switching surgery.
A fart escaping forward between your thigh and balls.
A fart that is reborn as a queef
A Fleshlight filled with thumbtacks.
A Fleshlight full of thumbtacks.
A funky ball of tits from outer space
A geriatric penis erect in defiance of God's will.
A giant, frothy mug of Santorum
A gigantic box of freshly-made poutine.
A GILF
A godlike sexual appetite.
A government funded racially driven euthanasia program
A Groupon for a hooker
A hammer thrown by the mighty Thor
A handjob from Edward Scissorhands.
A hands free orgasm
A high functioning sociopath who solves crimes.
A hilarious failed suicide attempt.
A Holocaust blooper reel
A hooker with an Adam's Apple the size of her balls.
A horse pissing into a guy's mouth.
A horsetail butt plug, a belt for a leash, and two grams of methamphetamine.
A Hot Bowl of Grits
A hovercraft full of eels.
A jar of Gypsy tears to protect you from AIDS
a jar of peanut butter, a hungry dog, and no one around to judge you.
A kaiju shaped like a penis
A latex bodysuit with a genital opening
A little baby learning to walk.
A Lukewarm Tauntaun.
A machete-wielding hitchhiker with a heart of gold
A male figure skater with bulge
A man-sized hamster wheel.
A mechanized condor with a Cockney accent, programed to follow people around that are having bad days and make fun of them
A midget with a dick that looks like a baby's arm holding an apple.
A milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard
A molester mustache.
A monkey at the zoo, presenting.
A monkey getting a blowjob from a frog.
A multimedia creampie gallery
A murder mystery party at Michael Barrymore's
A mutant child locked up in the basement.
A nativity where Mary and Joseph are white and Jesus is black.
A ninja with uncontrollable flatulence.
A one-word text from mom that just says 'soon'.
A pack of hungry dickwolves
A paper cut on the tip of your penis
A passive-aggressive fax from North Korea.
A pedophile who is honestly a really good guy, other than the pedophilia thing
A pedophile/gerontophile raping Benjamin Button.
A person who plays Cards Against Humanity like its Apples to Apples
A plastic kiddie pool, a bottle of Ipecac, one crack whore and a crisp $20 bill.
A pogo-stick knife fight.
A porn photographer airburshing out STDs.
A proctologist with poor depth perception.
A pungent queef burbling from a freshly douched twat
A puss filed vagina.
a puzzle too insanely hard to solve
A race car having sex with a porsche
A racist ghost.
A rare bird that is choking to death on an old Captain Planet toy.
A razor blade hidden in an inmate's asshole
A real life Hunger Games, with Canadians
A Reddit debate
a redwood forest of sweaty dicks.
A retarded dolphin
A romantic dinner for two with SCP-173.
A sad old man buying cat food for dinner because his wife used to do all the cooking.
A salami buttplug
A schizophrenic homeless man furiously masturbating in an alleyway in San Francisco
A second hand condom
A sex change change
A sex-deprived candlestick.
A shirtless Rick Ross
A shit load of naked Hobbits.
A shitty iMac
A shitty teenage demigod.
A shot glass full of orangutan semen.
A shot of menstrual blood
A sin so heinous, it pisses off Buddha, Jesus, Allah, your parents, and Santa Claus.
A six-speed dildo with reverse.
A six-speed vibrating dildo with reverse.
A slightly saltier surprise.
A sore asshole.
A split personality that runs amok while I'm asleep
A staring contest with Thom Yorke
A strange feeling inside.
A sudden and violent shart
A T-Rex trying to masturbate.
A tanuki's giant nutsack.
A TARDIS-Sized Vagina.
A tea-bagging gone horribly wrong
A thalidomide baby
A thick ass for slaughter.
A three wolf moon T-Shirt.
A three-way with your best friend and a stranger.
A threesome with Mr. Right hand, and Senior Left hand.
A tickle fight between Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones
A tongue 2-inches deep in my butthole.
A toothy blowjob
A toothy vagina.
A transsexual with a fully functional 10-inch cock.
A tricked-out Ford Pinto
A trident fight
A trunk full of dead hookers
A tuba packed with manure
A Twister tournament at the leper colony.
A used condom.
A vampire fleshlight.
A vampire with gingivitis.
A very particular set of skills.
A wet fart on a dry day.
A wheelbarrow full of dead babies
A wheelbarrow full of slightly used dildos.
A white kid saying the N-Word
A whiter, tighter, vagina
A woman so cold she spreads her legs and the light comes on.
Abortion omelette.
About 17 Mexicans.
Accidental Cream pie
Accidentally committing a hate crime
Accidentally impregnating your grandma.
Achilles, played by Brad Pitt.
Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf
Actually clicking the 'I am under 18' button.
Actually cumming inside of Rainbow Dash
Actually fucking your mother.
Actually reading the Terms & Conditions.
Adam West as 'Uncle Batman'.
Adolph Hitler's signature mustache ride.
Advanced Leukemia
Aggressive ass play.
Alfred dressing up as the Joker to cheer up Bruce Wayne.
All of my custom cards - list
All the Neopets you left forever starving but never dying.
Amanda Todd
Ambrosia, now stuffed with raisins.
An active shooter at a movie theater
An actual elephant in the room.
An alligator death roll
An amateur colonoscopy.
An ass that hurts because you wiped too much.
An autocannabalistic midget zombie.
An awkward boner
An enormous black man dragging his balls across your face
An entire legion of my best troops.
An irrational fear of creams.
An islamist extremist cleverly dressed as a small dog.
An itchy butt-hole that can't be satisfied.
An old Cuban superhero battling a robotic death cock with his mind lightning
An Oni in a shitty anime.
An orchard of dildo trees.
An over the pants HJ
An STD scare.
An Uncomfortable Amount of Monkeys
An unlikely alliance with vampires
Anal Fissures
Anal Prolapse
Ancient Aliens.
Angry Spooning.
Angry, drunken Canadians.
Anthony Weiner.
Areola Borealis : The Glorious Sky Nipple
Ares and Thor in a dick measuring contest.
Ariel's crabs
Ariel's slightly fishy smell
ASCII PR0N
Asking the Don a favor on this, the day of his daughter's wedding.
Asparagus Pee
Assuming all handicapped people are retarded.
Autistic kids
Aztec gods in a spelling contest.
Banging a pregnant chick so hard and deep that you put it in the baby.
Banging your grandma's roommates at the nursing home.
Bat-nipples.
Bat-shark replelant.
Batman bitch-slapping Robin.
Beast's sexual frustration
Beating little kids at Pokemon until they cry.
Becoming the mayor of a nursing home on Foursquare.
Beer shits.
Begrudgingly taking a shit at a bar.
Being a virgin and giving birth on Christmas.
Being a whiny little bitch.
Being aroused by a shampoo commercial
Being awaken by a kiss from a prince
Being drunk while performing a bris ceremony.
Being fingered by Freddy Kreuger.
Being sarcastic to the point where it's just pathetic and self-destructive.
Being sexually aroused by the sight of TSA's gloves.
Being so bad that Santa just shits in your stocking.
Being tasered
Being the mother fucking Metatron.
Being the very best, like no one ever was.
Being the world's foremost authority on bestiality
Being tickled until you pee.
Being trapped in Medusa's art show.
Being uncomfortable realizing you're outnumbered by members of another race.
Being visited by three men and giving gold, myrrh, and frankincense.
Ben Affleck.
Big Bird's basketball-sized cloaca.
Big Thunder Mountain
Bilbies.
Binders full of women
Black Jesus (from the future)
Black pleather suits.
Blood diamonds
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.
Blowing bubbles.
Blowing cum-bubbles at a funeral
Blowing your father to save his life.
Blue balls.
Blue Waffles
Boner tucks
Boob stares.
Boobies
Brawndo, the thirst mutilator.
Breaking into a blind persons house to rearrange their furniture.
Breasts. You know, jugs, honkers, twins, headlights, boobies, knockers, melons, tits, pillows, hooters, cans, funbags, coconuts, mammaries, boulders, tatas, sweater kittens.
Breath so awful, your ass gets jealous.
Bringing 25 items to the "12 Items Or Less" checkout
Broccoli farts
Bruce Campbell
Bruce Jenner.
Bukkake crossfire
Burning the Local Policeman in a big Wicker man.
Butt Chugging
Butt play
Butt-Pirates of the Caribbean
Buttseks
Buying a financially irresponsible amount of Reese 's Peanut Butter Cups.
Buying a used dildo at Goodwill.
Buying eight copies of a two-record set like a crafty consumer
By the power of greyskull!
Cable ties and chloroform
Cake farts
Campbells Chunky Kitten Soup
Cannot answer. Too drunk.
Captain Picard giving a rim job to a tribble
Carlos Mencia.
Casting magic missile at a bully.
Casually racist grandparents.
Cat memes.
Cat watching you masturbate.
Cats on the internet.
Celebrating genocide by eating turkey with friend and family.
Celebrating the anniversary of 9/11
Cerebral Palsy: The Musical
Chanting "Dick Nipples" in a crowded elevator.
Chicken flied lice
Child Services
Chinese tourists
Chocolate face
chocolate rain
Chris angel mindfreak
Chris Brown's right jab
Christian Bale.
Christmas War on Halloween, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving.
Christmas.
Christopher Columbus.
Christopher Lee
Chucking Fruit cakes at the relative you absolutely cannot stand to see even once a year.
Chucky cheeses
Chugging a solo cup full of vodka
Cinderella's foot fetish
Cinderellas over used vagina
Circle jerk
Classy Pornography
Cleaning the bird shit out of the Enchanted Tiki Room
Clogged panties.
Closer scrutiny.
Clubbing baby seals
Comic book heroines traced from still-frames of porno.
Coming down to where you work and slapping the dick out of your mouth
Committing suicide to see what it feels like
Communism
Confused deaf people at Nelson Mandela's funeral.
Conservation of Momentum
Cookie nipples
Cool beans
Creating a theme park full of genetically-engineered dinosaurs as an elaborate plot to murder your stupid asshole lawyer.
Crusty bedding
Cthulhu (Praise be unto him).
Cunning stunts.
Daddy's whore of a girlfriend.
Dakota Fanning
Dancing like Stephen Fry.
Dany Heatley fuckin' all star
Dapper Butch Lesbians
Darwin, the Ikea monkey
Dat ass
Dead puppies.
Death by fisting
Debilitating ass cramps
Decapitated Christmas manger figures that are still lit up somehow.
Deeply inhaling the smell of someone else's shit.
Dementors
Derp
Detroit
Diabeetus.
Diarrhea
Diarrhea Forever
Diarrhea Pockets.
Dick-do
Dickbutt (with drawing)
Dickpics
Dildos, okay!?
Discovering that prostitute you hired is actually your mother.
Disgruntled Apple fan boys
Disney's Anti-Semitic agenda.
Dive bar bathroom sex.
DMX.
Doctor Faggot
Doctor Tran!
Dogs playing poker
Dogs that have bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you. (This one gets lots of lols)
Dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you
Doing a girl so hard, you bruise her uterus.
Doing a one handed handstand and jerking off on your own face.
Doling out the harshness.
Dolla dolla bills, y'all
Donating a used dildo to Goodwill.
Donkey Punches
Doo Doo Casserole with a side of Butt Salad
Dopamine.
Douching with boiling water
Down syndrome
Dradle made of clay.
Drinking bleach
Drinking wine out of a soda can at a kid's birthday party.
Dropping a deuce at someone else's house
Dropping used anal beads into a box of prayer beads
Drunkenly mistaking the baby's playpen for a toilet.
DSLs
Duking it out in the Thunderdome.
Dustin Penner choking on a pancake
Dwayne Johnson's cookbook.
Dying alone
Dying Hard.
Dying Hard... With a Vengeance.
Dying Harder.
Dying Hardest.
Dying in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Dyslexic children
Eatin' that ass like it was chicken chow mein.
eating an entire box of Oreos and crying yourself to sleep.
Eating an entire stick of butter.
Eating placenta as an aphrodisiac.
Eating so much that you literally explode.
Eating totinos pizza rolls directly off the pan.
Edward Snowden
Effeminate police officers riding face to face on a horse
Egg
Ejaculating colorful spring-loaded paper snakes.
Ejaculating on the cat by accident
Ending all of your doctor's sentences with, "That's what she said".
Ending up with daughters when you started with sons
Epically timing your cumshot to the drum bit in Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight".
Eugenics, for fun and profit
Excessive masturbation that leads to "chapped dick"
Explaining David Carridine's final moments to a kindergarten class.
Extreme Clitoral Collisions
Faces of Death
Faggot sex
Family Guy cutaways.
Fantasizing about Disney Princes
Fantasizing about Disney Princesses
Fapping on the family computer.
Fapping while wearing a horse head mask.
Farting during a rimjob.
Farting in the Baptism Pool
Farting loudly in a quiet movie theater
Farting loudly in church
Fatty Patty, the plus sized love doll.
Fear boners.
Feeding a bucket of puppies into a wood chipper.
Feeling an unexpected Bulge.
Feeling so depressed that you put Tetris on and just watch the pieces stack up.
Festivus.
Fight Club
Filipino Tilt-a-Whirl operators.
Finding a baby in a dumpster
Finding a secret room in your house
Finding Nickelback's greatest hits CD in the 99 cent Bargain bin.
Finding out she has a penis.
Finding out someone's favorite animal then hunting it to extinction.
Finding out you're gay mid-blowjob.
Finding out you're not gay mid blowjob.
Finding what Darth Vader has been using Luke's extra hand for
Finger-painting with the period blood of your mom.
First Base.
Fisting a jar of mayonnaise.
Five for Fighting
Fluttershy's worryingly vast collection of preserved Animal Penises.
Following through on a fart while performing a hand stand.
Forced to love a cruel man forever or brave the Sarlacc pit
Forgetting the safe word
Franklin, the racist hand puppet
Fred Durst.
Freddy Mercury's magical, wish-granting mustache.
French kissing your brother
FUCK YOU!!!
Fucking autocorrect!
Fucking someone so hard their freckles fall off.
Fucking the "no" out of someone.
Fucking Ventra
Full-on fisting.
Furtive masturbation
Gabe Newell diving into a room full of gold coins
Gay for pay.
George Clooney.
George Zimmerman knocking up Casey Anthony.
George Zimmerman.
Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles, yoyo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck!
Getting a blowjob in the dark... Then finding out it was from a guy.
Getting a prostate exam from a leper who walks away with four fingers.
Getting acquitted of murder because you're white.
Getting caught looking at Transformers mpreg slash.
Getting down to business (to defeat the Huns).
Getting drunk via an enema bag
Getting dumped by a dump truck driver.
Getting hepped up on goofballs
Getting jiggy with it
Getting pawed inappropriately by Tigger
Getting so drunk you have sex with your best friend... and it was absolutely terrible!
Ghost ridin' tha whip
Gifts.
Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep.
Girl on girl on girl on guy in girl on girl action
Girls with low self esteem.
Giving a sponge bath to an old man
Giving birth in a salvation army bathroom
Giving birth to an Ewok
Going camping alone, and waking up to an ass full of lube.
Going to a magic show and getting upset.
Gonaherpasyphilitis.
Gonorrhea that was totally worth it
Good old-fashioned 1950's misogyny
Gripping your boner and wildly waving it around while making light-saber noises.
Grundlebutter
Guy Fieri's ample pubic mound
Hades.
hairy nipples
Hakuna Matata!
HAL-PC
Half.
Ham sandwich chairman.
Hanukkah's seven days versus Christmas's two.
Harold Ramis busting ghosts AS a ghost.
Haters hatin'
Having a hooker blow you until cum shoots out of her nose.
Having a recurring dream of Jesus and I playing Earthworm Jim for the Sega Genesis.
Having a shamrock shake in September
Having an evil stepmother
Having an orgy with your parents
Having gum on your shoe
Having really hot, wet sex on your period.
Having to use the restroom at the sketchy WalMart.
Having your intestines sucked out by a pool drain.
Having your junk inhaled by Kirby for the strangest blowjob ever.
HEAD ON! Apply directly to the forehead. HEAD ON! Apply directly to the forehead.
Helen Keller's Driving School.
Hellen Keller's Dog
Hermaphrodite.
Hickory-smoked horse buttholes.
Hilary Clinton's Crusty Vagina.
Hilter's House of Barbeque
Hitching a ride on the Bangbus
Hitler memorabilia.
Hitler's Gas Bill
Hitting a motherfucker with another motherfucker.
Hitting speed bumps at full speed while getting road head.
Ho hos and ding dong
Hoarding
Hodor.
Holding hands with a boy for the very first time
Holographic charizard pokemon card
Homeopathic birth control
Honey boo boo
Hoodrats
Horny Shapeshifter Zeus.
Hot, American dickings!
Humping the couch cushions
I don't know how I got sick, but I suspect it had something to do with ______.
I'm positive, HIV positive
Ian McKellan
Immediate regret
Instead of getting a Christmas bonus this year, the boss if enrolling everyone in a jelly of the month club. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Intensely perverted secret Santa gifts.
Invading Poland....again.
Irregular Boner
It's a Small World
IT'S A TRAP! (With a drawing of Ackbar)
Izanagi's god-producing strip show.
Ja Rule.
Jacking off so much that your dick gets chapped.
Jacking off to your crush's Instagram page
Jackson Galaxy, Cat Behaviorist
Jafar in Genie form
Jailbait.
Jane Goodall motorboating a gorilla's floppy milk jugs.
Jean Chrétien's good side
Jeff Dunham fucking his puppets.
Jerking off with Lava® soap
Jesus doing a guitar solo.
Jesus letting a kid die, because the photo only got 998 likes
Jimmy Saville unyielding signing crippled girl's breasts
Joan Rivers.
John Goodman, smashing a Corvette with a crowbar while screaming "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"
Jorts
Jumping balls-first down a flight of stairs to brutally teabag someone.
Jumping off of the Golden Gate bridge.
Justin Bieber's baby wiener
Ke$ha.
KFC double down
Kick!
Kicking Kittens.
Kicking puppies.
Killing your parents to get your inheritance
Killing your parents to get your inhertence
King Joffrey.
Kinky Retard Tetherball.
Kittens riding a roomba
Klondike bar
Knucklebabies
Korn.
Kratos, the God of War.
Kryptonite Ring.
Kum and Go
Kwanza.
Labia Menorah.
Ladies' underwear purchased from a vending machine.
Left handedness
Leo's Oscar cabinet
Let's split up, gang, Fred said.
letting the dog lick it clean
Licking her piss-flaps.
Licking Jasmine's "magic carpet."
Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time.
Liking big butts, and being unable to lie about it
Live. Laugh. Lick a Labia.
Living Free or Dying Hard.
Living under power lines
Locking eyes with a masturbating hobo.
Loki being Loki.
Long balls
Longinus.
Loosing the condom deep inside a vagina.
Losing a tickle fight to Alex Trebek
Losing ten thousand dollars betting on the Puppy Bowl.
Lou Gehrig's Disease
Luring an unsuspecting toddler into my bouncy castle of seduction.
Lying to children
Lying to terminally ill children about their life expectancy.
Macho Man Randy Savage
Making a merkin out of public toilet pubic hairs.
Making children cry for fun and profit.
Making sweet love to a really sexy sheep.
Making sweet, sweet love to an ambulance
Mall cops on segways.
Man-on-dog enthusiast Rick Santorum.
Manti Te'o's Girlfriend.
Mary Poppins
Masked strangers who knock on your door in the middle of the night.
Masturbating before your nurse comes back.
Masturbating to "Memoirs of a Geisha"
Meat Sweats
Mel Gibson.
Men's Beach Volleyball
Method Man sewing your asshole closed and feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you.
Michael J. Fox's Hand-Spun Milkshakes.
Michael Jackson's jock strap
Michael Keaton.
Microwave cooking for one
microwaved babies
Midget porn and the Benny Hill theme, A lap dance from a crying stripper
midgets in a fuck and suck circle
Miley Cyrus's tongue.
Moderate to severe chronic plaque psoriasis
Moistness
Mordor.
More cowbell.
Morgan Freeman.
MOTHERFUCKING CTHULHU
Mouth fucking Alzheimer's patients
Mr. Rogers after he finally snaps.
Mr. Rogers soothingly narrating his actions as he methodically slaughters a village full of children.
Mrs Clause having an affair wile Santa is out working on Christmas Eve.
Muhammad Ali in a Jenga tournament.
Murphy's Law
My beef swellington.
My dick in a box.
My fairy godmother
my former druggie friends
My grandmother's musty leather kayak
My hot, teenage daughter
My vintage collection of Kirk/Spock slashfic.
nasal penetration
Never brushing your teeth.
Neverland ranch
NiggAs (not niggERs)
Nikola Tesla's insane ball-lightning death ray.
Nonstop suction
Norman Reedus
North Korea's Special Ninja Army
Not fitting in.
Not getting enough Likes for my boring selfie!
Not having to pay Casey Anthony child support
Not knowing how to properly interact with a news reporter because you're black.
Numberwang!
Obese Jessica Simpson
Odin
Oh, my God. He shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere! Damnit! There's shit on the windows! Oh, my God! My house is full of shit! He shit everywhere! Look what he did! He shit all over the walls! There's shit everywhere
Ol' Dirty Bastard aka Ol' Dirt Dawg aka Dirt McGirt aka Big Baby Jesus.
Old Gregg
One more Jack and coke
One of those "t" pendants
Oompa Loompas shitting into the chocolate river.
Oops, Poop Soup
Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!
Orgy of seven dwarves
Packs of scissors that you need scissors to open.
Painful and awkward gay sex with two straight males
Painful nipple erections.
Palpable unhappiness
Parking in a handicapped spot, and not being handicapped
Partying so hard you pass out behind a dumpster, covered in vomit, and a homeless person uses your face for a urinal.
Partying so hard you throw up a condom.
Passive eugenics.
Patrick Kane tittyfucking a 4/10
Patrick Stewart
Paul Walker's drive thru BBQ.
Paula Deen frantically throwing butter in a bowl
Paula Deen's butter flavored vagina
Paying the Iron Price for a Klondike Bar
Penile shrinkage.
Penis
People "allergic" to gluten
Performing a "4th trimester abortion" and blaming SIDS.
Picking up women at the abortion clinic.
Pineapple juice.
Piss Shivers.
Playing "hot or not" at a preschool
Playing "never-have-I-ever" against Charlie Sheen.
Playing twister with an amputee.
Playing twster with amputees.
Playing your tin whistle whilst marching all of the children out of Africa and into Bangladeshi sweatshops
Plowing his virgin butthole with a strap-on
Pocahontas.
Poop
Pooping so hard your tampon falls out.
Pooping with the door open.
Popping a molly
Porkie Pig singing the back up vocals to C&C Music Factory's Everybody Dance Now
Poseidon.
Post bukkake sneeze.
Pow!
Pow! Kick! Punch!
President Sarah Palin
Prime Minister Tony Abbott's two hot daughters
Prince Harry's "Prince Hairy"
Prince-on-prince action.
Princess Diana's rotting corpse
Procrastination
Profiting from the suffering of untold millions.
Prom Night Dumpster Baby
Prostate orgasms.
Pubic shavings.
pumping breast milk the day after a bender so that your baby doesn't get wasted
Punch!
Punching a tree to gather wood.
Putting all the bibles in the Fiction section at the bookstore.
Putting hot sauce on your penis.
Putting up a flamboyantly decorated fir tree when you are Jewish.
Putting up a menorah when you are Christian.
Putting your hand out for a handshake, then pulling it back and slyly moving it through your own hair.
Queen Elizabeth's haunted lizard snatch
Queer bait
Quiabelagayo, Mayan God of S&M.
Rachael Ray's weird boobs.
Racist Michael Richards
Rahm Emmanuel's missing finger.
Rainbow Parties.
Raining top shelf pussy from the sky. only to find out in this dream you have no dick.
Ramadan.
Rapist, Necrophiliac Ducks
Realizing too late that there is no toilet paper left
Reindeer semen.
Responding to a fight by striping down naked.
Returning some videotapes
Richard Simmons in a pink, sparkly tank top
Riding a Sybian with uncontrollable diarrhea
Riding a tandem bicycle alone
Ripping a cheek-flappingly loud fart at a funeral during the moment of silence.
Rob Ford
Roberto Luongo shitting his pants
Rodents of unusual size.
Ron Jeremy's massive equine dong.
Rudolph's glowing red snot.
Running over children for sport
Russian dashboard cameras.
Santa Clause cumming in all the bad girl's chimneys.
Santa's accidental erection.
Sarcasm so intense that it circles back to sincerity.
Sasha Grey and her trinity of penis-ravaged orifices
Sassy replies from Siri
Saying "hashtag" in everyday conversation.
Scrapers
Second Base.
Secretly hoping your parents will die soon so you can collect your inheritance
Seeing your life flash before your eyes, and realizing it was kind of shit.
Seeing your naked reflection on the computer screen while the video loads.
Semen
Sending your significant other a message by shitting on the floor in front of the toilet instead of in the toilet.
Separate but equal.
Setting fire to a children's hospital
Sex on the floor of a children's hospital bathroom.
Sexually abusing the mentally handicapped
Sexually Aggressive Pit Bulls
Sexually confused gods and goddesses.
Sexually molesting a precious childhood toy
Sharks with freakin “lasers” on their head.
Shennanigans
Shitting and eating at the same time
Shitting cum into an evidence bag
Shitting on any moment of decency.
Shitting out an unopened beer bottle
Shoddy habit for humanities houses.
Shooting RoboCop in the mouth
Shouting into your penis like it's a microphone
Shower Farts
Shrek.
Single digit checking account balances.
Six gummy bears and some scotch.
Six pack baby Jesus from those reinaissance paintings
Skittles and Arizona iced tea
Sleeping for a century
Sleeping in random places on campus because it is easier than going home.
Slow dance boners.
Slow dance erections
Slow motion penile helicoptering.
Slutting your way to the top
Small talk with your hairdresser.
Smell of a freshly opened pack of new cards.
Smelling a used dildo from Goodwill.
smiling pile of poo
Smothered by a lovers cankle
Sneezing then finding out you have explosive diarrhea
Sniffing used panties
Snoop Dizzle, my nizzle
Snuggie
Snugglefucking
So much anal that a fart sounds just like tuba.
Some fun south of the mouth
Some kind of sexy Yggdrasil.
Some kind of sexy Yggdrassil.
Some Stupid Thing Making The Rounds Among Your Facebook Friends Today
Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces.
Spanking the monkey all day
Speaking progressively louder to foreigners.
Spending time with Grandpa and Grandma.
Spinning Teacups
Splash back from a sizable turd.
Spunk bubbles
Squirting
Stacy's mom, who has it going on
STAND DOWN, MEGATRON!, Optimus Prime shouted.
Staying home every night, downloading increasingly shameful pornography.
Stealing from the church collection thing
Stepping on a lego
Steve Irwin dying the way he lived his life - with animals in his heart.
Steve Jobs' Ghost
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Straight up dog shit right in your god damned face.
Sucking a Dick at a truck stop
Sucking dick for Buffalo nickels
Sudan
Suge Knight.
Suing your parents on Judge Judy.
Summoning Sickness.
Super Adventure Club
Superman's other weakness: horseback riding.
Surprise butsecks.
Surreptitiously bringing a woman to climax with a bread stick at the classiest restaurant in town.
Surviving The Boston Marathon
Swallowing a live grenade for a £5 bet
Sweet black pussy
Sweet nun-chuck skills
Sweet, virgin pussy.
Synchronized squirt
Taco Bell
Taking a dump in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese.
Taking a job as a high school janitor to find a new girlfriend.
Taking a shit when someone's in the shower.
Taking an arrow to the knee
Taking yoga lessons just to see some ass.
Tarzan's flaccid penis.
Tasha Yar's Rape Gang
Tasteful nudes of Mary Poppins
Taylor Swift's Love Life
Team Iceland (from 'D2: The Mighty Ducks')
Tears as lubricant
Ted Bundy
Ted Cruz.
Telling kids that the Toostie Rolls are actually processed reindeer crap.
Texting and driving
Texting while driving
That baby monkey clinging to its surrogate stuffed animal mom
That episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse and Joey took turns plowing Kimmy Gibbler.
That feeling when it's A Good Day to Die Hard.
That feeling when it's not A Good Day to Die Hard.
That feeling you get when you have to take a dump
That person who talks on the phone in the bathroom.
That place where I put that thing that time.
That secret you keep from your spouse
The $19.99 Do-It-Yourself White Trash Wedding
The 'World hide and seek champion' trophy with Madeleine McCann's name on slowly gathering dust in a Portuguese police station
The 1984 Denver Broncos
The 4th annual 'kids with polio' roller derby
The 5-hole.
The arms of the t-rex
The asshole sitting on my right
The Band Syndrome of A Downs
The battered women's shelter
The bed intruder.
The bits of Diana they were able to pull from the bent up tuna can of a wreckage
The BP oil spill
The Brave Little Toaster
The budding breasts of an 11 year old girl
The Bunny Ranch
The Burning Bush - A Heal by Prayer STD Clinic
The Canadians are coming, the Canadians are coming!!!!!
The constant sticky glisten of Ron Jeremy.
The critically acclaimed disaster porn, 69/11
The Cult of Crossfit
The current edition of Muhammad Ali
The depression that ensues after catching 'em all.
The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too.
The dry season.
The Ellen Degeneres School of Muff Diving.
The episode of "Saved by the Bell" where Jesse gets hooked on caffeine pills
The episode of Diff'rent Strokes where Arnold gets sexually assaulted by the bike clerk
The ever-popular scroterboat.
The excitement of eating at a fast food chain restaurant not found in your hometown.
The first 10 minutes of "Bruno"
The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Foot Clan.
The Furies.
The G.I. Joe VA Hospital Waiting Room play set.
The Great Old Ones.
The gunt; the fuck gut; the fat upper pussy area (FUPA).
The Hanson Brothers.
The honey bee from old country buffet
The introduction of a habañero chili pepper into a bottle of lube.
The introduction of habanero chile pepper juice into a bottle of personal lubricant.
The joyous gift of fatherhood
The kids that Gary Glitter turned down
The last time I had an erection.
The little string-bridge that connects the glans to the shaft.
The love child of Adolph Hitler and Taylor Swift... Tadolph Switler.
The Lusty Argonian Maid
The magazine drawer at a male fertility clinic.
The Magical Negro
The mile run in gym class
The morning after pill
The most beautiful girl in the room.
The Nobel Peace Prize
The nobleman, God's highest creation.
The people of Walmart
The Picard Maneuver.
The Pillsbury Doughboy frantically pounding on the glass of an oven door.
The Pint of No Return
The poison for Kuzco. The poison specifically chosen for Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.
The Poon-Tang Clan
The public drilling of wetlands.
The puss from a dick pimple.
The racist crows from Dumbo
The remotely-accessible federal database of every kiddie porn image ever made.
The sense of holiday spirit you feel while buried to the hilt in the cold, uncooked guts of your Thanksgiving turkey.
The shattered remains of all my hopes and dreams.
The smallest, whitest dick.
The soft, warm, silky interior of an unwilling sheep
The sound Gilbert Gottfried makes when someone extinguishes a cigar on his neck.
The Speech from Independence Day.
The Srebrenica massacre.
The stigmata.
The sweet, sweet taste of taint
The testicles of beavers.
The theme from schindlers list
The Walk of Shame.
The war on Festivus.
The whole motherfucking pantheon!
Thick, ropy strands.
Thinking of the children
Thom Yorke's left eye.
Thomas Jefferson's sexy slave mistress
Those happening kids in their new wave kicks
Those meddling kids.
Those sweaters with 3 cats on the front and the back has the cats from behind with their assholes on them.
Three Asian strippers, two porn stars, and a suitcase full of blow.
Three lines of coke, two Asian strippers, and one hell of a story
Throwing buckets of fish guts over an expectant crowd
Throwing up after blackout drinking and finding flecks of sumo wrestler smegma in your vomit.
Tickling someone until they pee.
Tim Minchin making out with Russell Brand
Tim Tebow.
TIM-MAAAAAAAY!!!
Titty-fucking contests.
Toe nail clippings
Tom Cruise's alleged homosexuality
Tom Cruise' Manny Fanny
Tommy Lee's manmeat
Torturing a Sim modeled after your ex.
Toys.
Traveling back in time to become your own grandfather
Trayvon Martin.
Tricking kids into getting in your van.
Trolling Craigslist for to get laid.
Trombone noise.
Trying not to accidentally shit on Santa's lap.
Trying to solve your problems with a drone missile strike.
Trying to urinate with an erection.
tubgirl
Tuna
Twat breath
Twatwaffle
Twincest
Two for Hooking.
Two for Slashing
Two people banging behind a dumpster at 6am on a Sunday in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
Two retards playing tetherball
Type-II Adult-Onset Diabetes
Ugly stepsisters
ULTRA-LESBIAN-DEATH-MACHINE
Uncle Remus
Uncle Touchy's naked puzzle basement.
Uncomfortable thigh contact with an old man on the bus.
Uncomfortably sitting next to a handicapped person
Uncrustables. or PB&J with the Crust Cut Off.
Unloading a truckload of babies with a pitchfork.
Unnecessary hashtags
Unnecessary Surgery Land.
Unrealistic romantic expectations.
Unsightly muffintops
Upper Decker Double Blumpkin
Urethal splinter torture
Using "anal" as an adjective.
Using "hashtag" in everyday conversation.
Using 4Chan for parenting advice.
Using a banana for scale
Using only 20% of my power
Using ranch dressing as anal lube.
Using wasabi for lube.
Using your penis as a helicopter
Vagina dentata!
vaginal discharge
Vaginal Hubris
Vaginal snail trail
Vajazzling so often that you queef glitter.
Val Kilmer.
Victims of Newtown.
Victorian-era sexuality
Violence.
Violent Christmas movies.
Virgin Goddesses.
Vishnu using all her hands to masturbate
Voiding your bowels after dying, only to get resuscitated immediately afterwards.
Voldemort's shriveled trouser snake.
Vomiting in a crowded elevator.
Waiting till marriage, then finding out your so is a trap.
Waking up in your tent with an ass covered in lube... and you went camping alone
Wanking to old family photos
Washing you asshole so clean you fart bubbles.
Washing your asshole so thoroughly you fart bubbles for days
Watermelon and fried chicken
Wayne Enterprise buying out The Daily Planet.
Wearing the genitals of a defeated enemy around your neck as a trophy.
Weather so cold, you can key a car with your icy cold nipples.
What Hitler would have wanted.
What I paid your mom to do last night
What she said
What the fuck do you think, Captain Skinny Dick?
Whatever fits in my butt
Whatever hot dogs are made of
Wheelchair Jimmy
When a chopstick and a urethra make sweet, sweet love.
When it sounds like a boot stuck in mud.
Whipping your hair back and forth
Whipping your penis around while making lightsaber noises.
Who's down with OPP?
Whoa, Big Gulps huh? Alright! Well, see ya later!
Whoopi Goldberg, naked
Why not Zoidberg?!
Wilford Brimley's moustache
Winnie The Pooh sensually rubbing Christopher Robin's erect penis with hunny
Winning a drag race against Paul Walker.
Wondering if Australia has a white Christmas.
Wondering why people celebrate Christmas when Jesus was Jewish.
Working as a porno theatre janitor
World Geriatric Stripping Championship.
Wu Tang Clam
XML.
Yippee ki-yay, Mother Russia.
Yippee ki-yay, Motherfucker.
Yoga pants
You People
Young faces with braces
Your Dad's secret boyfriend
Your face.
Your husband
Your mom LAST NIGHT
Your older sister revealing she has Ice powers after you reveal you are marrying a man she only met today.
Your spouse dazed, confused, and farting uncontrollably while passed out on the bathroom floor
Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy
Zero Fucks Given!
Zeus.
Zip Zop Bippity Bop: Bill Cosby Sex Tape
Zumba
[REDACTED]
[Trollface]
submitted by amdewstow to cahideas [link] [comments]


2013.08.27 15:29 FarwellRob 132+ Teams in 132+ Days: Texas A&M Aggies

The Fighting Texas Aggies of Texas A&M
SEC
"Howdy. I've got a little story for ya, Ags!" Traditional start to Midnight Yell.
Year Founded: 1876, the first public institution of higher education in Texas.
Location: College Station, Texas
Total Attendance: 53,337, with roughtly 40,000 being undergrads.
Live Mascot: The first Reveille came to Texas A&M in January 1931.
A group of cadets hit a small black and white dog on their way back from Navasota. They picked up the dog and brought her back to school so they could care for her. The next morning, when the bugler woke the students with the song "Reveille", the dog started barking. She was named after this morning wakeup call.
The following football season she was named the official mascot when she led the band onto the field during their half-time performance. When Reveille I died on January 18, 1944, she was given a formal military funeral on the gridiron of Kyle Field. She was then buried at the north entrance to the field, as all Reveilles are, facing the scoreboard so that she can always watch the Aggies outscore their opponent.
Reveille I, mut.
Rev II, a Shetland Sheepdog.
Rev VII, a Rough Collie, was aparently quite the player
Rev VIII, the current Rev, hanging out with Obama
When she dies, there is a special cemetery located outside the north endzone of Kyle Field that features it's own scoreboard so the Rev's can always keep up with the team.
Cheerleaders:
Why put the prettiest girls in school out on the track?
We choose to hang out with them in the stands.
In exchange we have Yell Leaders. (See Traditions for more info)
Stadium: Kyle Field and get ready, we're about to spend half a billion making Kyle much bigger.
Kyle Field is named after Edwin Kyle, an 1899 graduate of the school and a professor of Horticulture. At the time, the school didn't want to give money for a football field, so Prof Kyle fenced a part of his fields used for agriculture.
Using $650 of his own money, he purchased a covered grandstand and built wooden bleachers. The seating capacity was 500 people.
Kyle Field is currently the 13th largest football-only stadium in the NCAA, and next year the stadium should hold 109,000 and then we'll come back down to 102,500 to settle as the largest stadium in the SEC.
Football games have been played at the same location since 1904, and it was designated a football field in 1905. Permanent stadium construction began in 1927.
Stadium Location: Construction began last Monday on campus across from the Memorial Student Center.
• Texas A&M is the 18th all-time winningest program in Division 1 with 691 wins.
Georgia Tech and Virginia Tech are both within 4 wins, so moving up on the list might happen in the near future.
Conference Champions (18): 1917, '19, '21, '25, '27, '39, '40, '41, '56, '67, '75, '85, 86, '87, '91, '92, '93, '98. Second most conference championships of the SWC.
Number of Bowl Games: (34) 15-19.
National Titles (3ish): 1939 AP National Champs; 1919 - undefeated, unscored on, 275-0 for the season; 1927 - Sagarin gave us a retroactive MNC on this one. We don't really claim it, either.
Rivals
Texas - While currently inactive, this is still the 3rd most played rivalry in CFB at 118 games played. Texas leads the series, but here is a little history to help keep perspective.
Until the late 1960's, A&M faced the most difficult recruiting impediment in CFB. We were all-male and all-military. The service academies were seen as being 'more legitimate' than A&M, and Texas, being co-ed without restrictions pulled in a lot more talent over the years, as you can imagine. It's quite amazing that A&M won at all, much less having come in 2nd in conference championships during that time.
In 1975, the Aggies finished the season in the Top 25 for the first time since opening up the campus, and in an epic win over Texas made the series dramatically more even. Since 1975, the Aggies lead the series 19-18 over the Longhorns.
Texas Tech - Mostly ignored by the Aggies during the SWC, it became heated when Mike Leach set his sights on A&M. Aggies lead the series 37-32-1.
Baylor - This rivalry was over-heated during the early days. Play was suspended for years after an A&M student was killed at a game in Waco, and other Aggies threatened to load up military gear and invade Waco.
Under Coach Fran, the Aggies gave Baylor their first conference win in the Big12. Aggies lead the series 68-31-9.
LSU - The Aggies have played the Tigers off-and-on since 1899, and with bordering states, shared recruiting territories, and starting next year, a Thanksgiving game, this series looks to be heating up quite nicely.
The Aggies are 7-2-1 at Kyle Field and 10-22-1 in Baton Rouge. Overall, the Tigers lead 28-20-3.
2013 Season
The Aggie faithful are excited. We've got a lot of returning talent, and coaches that proved their worth last season in the SEC. Plus our schedule is very nice ... you know, as far as SEC schedules featuring Alabama can be nice.
8/31 - Rice
9/7 - Sam Houston State
9/14 - Alabama
9/21 - SMU
9-28 - at Arkansas
10-12 - at Ole Miss
10-19 - Auburn
10-26 - Vanderbilt
11-2 - UTEP
11-9 - Mississippi State
11-23 - at LSU
11-30 - at Mizzou
The Greats
Greatest Games:
2012 Cotton Bowl. What? Not the Alabama game? After a turbulent transition from the Big12 to the SEC, beating the Big12 co-champion was the greatest way (outside of playing beating Texas) to cap off our move to the SEC. Beating Alabama in their house was nice, but Oklahoma was retribution for the Fran and Sherman years.
• 2002 - Aggies knock off #1 Oklahoma with new offensive coordinator Kevin Sumlin calling the shots.
• 1998 – A&M hands #3 Nebraska their first loss in almost 2 full years, then knocks off #2 Kansas State in the CCG.
• 1990 – - BYU's Heisman Trophy winner, Ty Detmer, has both shoulders separated against the Aggies in the Holiday Bowl. Warning, the first half of the footage is brutal.
Bo knows the Aggies. - - Auburn faced the Aggies in '86 in the Cotton Bowl after Bo Jackson won the Heisman. Watch at 3:20 when Bo gets three shots in a row at scoring from inside the 5 and walks off the field with a big bag of nothing.
• 1975 - You didn't think we'd go without a UT game here, did you? The 1975 season was the first season that A&M ended the year with a top 25 ranking, after going co-ed and ROTC-optional.
It also featured the highest ranked A&M and UT teams to ever play. The #2 Aggies knocked off Earl Campbell and the #5 Horns ushering in a new era of Aggie football.
• Honorable Mention: The '99 "Bonfire Game" against Texas. That was the last year A&M held bonfire on campus, as tragedy struck. 11 students and one former former student lost their lives in the accident leading up to the game against Texas.
In all my years at A&M, and in all the years following the team, I've only seen two visiting bands receive standing ovations from the Aggie fans. One was Rice's MOB back in the Southwest Conference days, and the other was the Longhorn band on that afternoon.
We were all Texans and friends that day, and not rivals.
• In case you want a solid history of our program, here are two fantastic videos of A&M football history, each about 12 minutes long:
Texas A&M history from 1894 to 1971
1971 through the end of the Big12.
Greatest Plays:
Aggies beat Texas in '88. Texas QB Brett Stafford tries to quiet the Aggie crowd, and it ends poorly.
• Quentin Coryatt lays down The Hit against . The recever's jaw is broken in three places.
Sirr Parker wraps up double OT and drives a nail into the heart of #2 Kansas State and ends Bill Snyder's best chance to get into a National Championship game.
Greatest Players:
College Hall of Fame players: Ray Childress, DT; Dave Elmendorf, S; Joel Hunt, QB; John Kimbrough, FB; Charlie Krueger, T; Jack Pardee, FB; Joe Routt, G; Gene Stallings, DB; Joe Utay, HB.
Heisman Winners: John David Crow and Johnny Manziel.
Honorable mention:
Bucky Richardson, local hero and QB.
Dat Nguyen, LB, Lombardi Award, Chuck Bednarik Award.
Shane Lechler, starter at punter and kicker, on the depth chart for linebacker and was the backup QB in '98, and currently has a Hall of Fame worthy NFL career is still going.
Luke Joeckel, Outland Award.
Randy Bullock, Lou Groza winner.
Von Miller, Butkus Award.
• A&M has had 22 Consessus All-Americans:
Sam Adams, DE; Marcus Buckley, LB; Randy Bullock, PK; Ray Childress, DT; John David Crow, RB; Dave Elmendorf, FS; Tony Franklin, PK; Aaron Glenn, DB; Johnny Holland, LB; Robert Jackson, LB; Luke Joeckel, OT; Darren Lewis, RB; Johnny Manziel, QB; Von Miller, DE/LB; Damontre Moore, DE; Dat Nguyen, LB; Marshall Robnett, OG; Joe Routt, OG; Ed Simonini, LB; Pat Thomas, CB, and John Kimbrough, RB was named consensus All-American in both '39 and '40.
Aggies in the NFL as of July 25:
Ben Bass, DE, Dallas Cowboys
Martellus Bennett, TE, Chicago Bears
Michael Bennett, DT, Seattle Seahawks
Red Bryant, DT, Seattle Seahawks
Randy Bullock, K, Houston Texans
Terrence Frederick, DB, New York Giants
Jeff Fuller, WR, Miami Dolphins
Cyrus Gray, RB, Kansas City Chiefs
Mike Goodson, RB, New York Jets
Danny Gorrer, CB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Geoff Hangartner, C, Carolina Panthers
Tony Jerod-Eddie, DE, San Francisco 49ers
Luke Joeckel, T, Jacksonville Jaguars
Johnny Jolly, DT, Green Bay Packers
Jorvorskie Lane, RB, Miami Dolphins
Shane Lechler, P, Houston Texans
Kevin Matthews, C, Washington Redskins
Jamie McCoy, TE, Pittsburgh Steelers
Stephen McGee, QB, Houston Texans
Christine Michael, RB, Seattle Seahawks
Von Miller, OLB, Denver Broncos
Damontre Moore, DL, New York Giants
Don Muhlbach, LS, Detroit Lions
Spencer Nealy, DL, Minnesota Vikings
Uzoma Nwachukwu, WR, Houston Texans
Sean Porter, OLB, Cincinnati Bengals
Jordan Pugh, S, Washington Redskins
Lionel Smith, DB, Jacksonville Jaguars
Jonathan Stewart, LB, St. Louis Rams
Ryan Tannehill, QB, Miami Dolphins
Steven Terrell, DB, Jacksonville Jaguars
Brian Thomas, OL, Miami Dolphins
Cody Wallace, C, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Greatest Coaches:
'Uncle Charlie' Moran ('09-'14) - coached Jim Thorpe in high school. Went 38-8-4 at A&M, and left to go to Centre College. He racked up a 42-6-1 record and a MNC there. He was also coaching Centre against A&M when the Aggie 12th Man tradition began.
Also was a National League umpire in 4 world series.
Dana X. Bible - Inducted into the College Hall of Fame in '51. Invented the T-formation. Led A&M to two undefeated, unscored on seasons.
Took a year off coaching to be a pilot during WWI.
Came back and coached the Aggies to a SWC conference championship in football, basketball and baseball in the same season. Left to go to Texas where he won 3 SWC championships and finished in the AP Poll 5 times in 10 years.
• Other coaches deserving credit: Hall of Fame coaches and their year of induction that were head coach at A&M include - Matty Bell, '55; Bear Bryant, '86; Homer Norton, '71; Gene Stallings, 2010; R.C. Slocum, 2012.
Former Aggie players who are current coaches:
Dennis Allen, head coach, Oakland Raiders
Gary Kubiak, head coach, Houston Texans
Dan Campbell, tight ends, Miami Dolphins
Kyle Caskey, offensive QC Cincinnati Bengals
Jerry Fontenot, assistant offensive line coach, Green Bay Packers
Kirk Parrirsh, college scouting coordinator, Seattle Seahawks
Shawn Slocum, special teams coordinator, Green Bay Packers.
Traditions
I've included both a short version and a link to some of our most interesting traditions. I know I've skipped more than a few, but this is a good start.
Yell Leaders – A&M was an all-male school, but often times girls from a local women's college would get bussed in. Some seniors thought it would be funny to haze the freshmen in front of the women.
So they made a group of freshmen put on janitor's clothing and stand out on the track and be stupid.
But after the game something amazing happened. Those freshmen all had no problems getting dates.
The next week it was Seniors out there with the overalls on.
100 years later, and it's two juniors and three seniors. Each year there is a campus-wide election, and Yell Leader vote is dramatically more important to the average student than class president or any of the other boring votes.
Why do we keep the Yell Leaders instead of switching to cheerleaders? When a 'cheer leader' does a cheer of more than 4 sylables, guys gawk at them and girls ignore them. When a Yell Leader leads a yell, any yell, 30,000+ fans raise their voices to chant along.
The Yells - There are a bunch of them, and if you go to any Aggie Yell Practice or game, you'll most likely hear all of 'em. In order to do a yell correctly, you have to 'hump it.' See below.
• [The Spirit and the War Hymn] - Other schools have a school song and a fight song. The Aggies have The Spirit of Aggie Land and The War Hymn
There has been much controversy at ESPN and newspapers outside of Texas A&M over the lyrics of both songs.
The ending of the Spirit has been officially changed from "We are the Aggies / the Aggies are we / We're from Texas AMC" to "We are the Aggies / the Aggies so true / We're from Texas AMU" to designate that we are no longer Texas A&M college.
The media has also called for A&M to change the War Hymn as Texas is no longer playing us in any sport.
Lyrics feature, "'the eyes of Texas are upon you' / That is the song they sing so well / Sounds Like Hell / So good bye to Texas University / We're gonna beat you all to ...
After which is the most striking part of the Hymn, when fans put their arms around the people next to them and 'saw' while singing "Saw Varsity's horns off" and "Varsity's horns are sawed off."
This is, of course, in reference to the Texas mascot that was known simply as Varsity before they changed it to Bevo.
As for the "controversy", all Aggies have completely ignored it and we are unanamous in sticking with our traditional songs.
Gig 'em - Rather than end a conversation with "goodbye", many conversations between Aggies end with "gig 'em", usually accompanied by a thumbs up. This tradition began at a 1930 Midnight Yell Practice held before the football game against .
In an attempt to excite the crowd, Pinky Downs, a 1906 Texas A&M graduate and member of the school's Board of Regents, asked "What are we going to do to those Horned Frogs?" Using a term for frog hunting, he answered his own question, "Gig 'em, Aggies!"
For emphasis, he made a fist with the thumb extended. The phrase and hand signal proved popular, and it became the first hand sign of the Southwest Conference. All 12 schools evenutally adopted hand signs of their own.
The 12th Manhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12th_Man_(football) - A&M is playing Centre College, one of the most dominant programs of the era. So many Aggies are injured that a former player, E. King Gill, is called out of the stands.
Gill jumped into an injured player's jersey and stood ready to help the team if they needed him. Now all 30,000 plus students stand ready through every game to go help the Aggies if the coach calls.
Midnight Yell - Where else would you want to be at midnight on Friday before a game but with 30,000 fans hanging out at the stadium. For road games we normally find a bar to crash with the travelling fans.
Aggies go through all the yells, and listen to very well thought out stories and anectdotes by the Yell Leaders decipher the somewhat humerous jokes made by the (we're almost positive) not drunk Yell Leaders.
This is open to any one, including fans of opposing schools and curious onlookers ... unless you force us to block you out.
Hump it - Look again at the picture for Midnight Yell. Those fans are all leaning over with their hands on their knees in the middle of a yell. Why? Because you can yell louder when you lean over.
Aggies Hump it for all Yells, and during crunch time, you'll see plenty of Aggies in the stands humping it while screaming.
Howdy - The traditional way to start every speech to Aggies. If you say Howdy, normally the crowd will respond with "Howdy" back to you. You will also hear the word Howdy more times per day on our campus than anywhere else in the world. It's our greeting and we use it. A lot.
Parson's Mounted Calvalry and the Spirit of '02 - a 1902 Howitzer that we fire off on kickoffs and scores at football games. We found it in a ravine while chopping wood for Bonfire. You never let good military hardware go to waste.
Corps of Cadets - Once mandatory at A&M, the Corps is much smaller than it was back in the 60s. During WWII, A&M put more servicemen into the armed forces than any other school, including West Point.
A&M still produces more officers than any university, except for the service academies. 42% of Corps members receive a commission in the US Armed Forces.
The Fighting Texas Aggie Band. - Texas A&M features a military style marching band. They are fantastic. Especially if you are used to the standard 'show bands' that everyone has. Click the link and see some of their performances.
The FTAB is part of the the Corps. I doubt there is an Aggie who graduated in the last 40 years that doesn't get a chill when they hear, "Now forming at the North end of Kyle Field ... "
Remember the part of the 12th Man tradition where I said the students stand for the whole football game? They stand for the FTAB, too. Even when the temperature is well above 100 degrees, the Aggie students will stay standing for everything except the opposing team's band.
Century Tree- Want to propose on campus? We've got a tree for that. All Aggies grab a kiss under this tree at some point in their time at A&M.
Elephant Walk - Elephant Walk marks the end of the usefulness of the Aggie seniors to the student body. Like dying elephants, which wander the jungle looking for a place to die after their value to the herd is over, thousands of seniors will join hands and wander aimlessly about campus visiting landmarks for the symbolic "last time."
This happens after the last home football game becaues the other sports don't matter.
Reveille - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reveille_(dog) - She really is the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets.
She goes to classes with Corps members, where if she barks, you stand a good chance of the prof cancelling the class for the day.
She has her own bed, and the right to take over the bed of any Corps member on campus.
The grass at the MSC. The Memorial Student Center building and the grounds around it is a tribute to our servicemen around the world. If you are in the MSC, you are asked to take off your hat, and if you are around the MSC, you are asked to not stand on the grass.
The MSC also features the Medals of Honor won by seven former students.
Aggie ring - Many schools have rings, but for Aggies this it the most visible way for graduates of Texas A&M to recognize each other. The Aggie Ring is worn by current and former students, and may be used to distinguish seniors from other students on campus.
The first Aggie Ring was designed by E. C. Jonas in 1894, and the design has remained relatively unchanged since; the only major change came when the school's name was changed from the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas to Texas A&M University in 1963.
Ring dunking - After receiving your Aggie Ring, you aren't really entitled to wear it until you've dunked it, normally in a pitcher of beer. From the time you put it in, your friends will time how long it takes to get it out, so you get to chug beer and try to catch the ring in your teeth.
As a member of the Class of '97, I had 97 seconds to get it out. Kids these days are pushing 113 seconds. Way too easy.
I've seen people 'dunk' their rings in a super sized banana splits and drink them out of non-alcoholic drinks, and I've seen them drain a pitcher in under 15 seconds. My wife ('99) and I both finished ours in under a minute and a half. It was nerve wracking, but well worth it. We still have the pitchers.
Bonfire - I was kind of hoping that someone else would write this section. I helped build three bonfire's at A&M and there is nothing like it. Thousands of students going out into the woods, doing heavy labor and realizing the rewards right before the Texas game.
It fostered huge competitions between the residents halls over the 3-4 months of work. It brought out tens of thousands of folks before the big rivalry game. It was simply epic, and I miss it a lot.
My freshman year, the BCS Eagle, the local paper, estimated the crowd at over 100,000 people. The next year when the game was held in Austin, there were still over 60,000 people at Bonfire on A&M's campus.
The tradegy that ended bonfire was impossibly awful. As a person who had climbed the stacks for years, I know how and why things went wrong, but I'll never understand it. It should not have happened, and my heart goes out to the families who lost loved ones.
Wrecking Crew – Once the name of the highly respected and feared Aggie defense, Coach Fran removed the monicar and told the team to 'win it back.' What he forgot to do was teach them to play defense. As the defense gets better the name comes out more often, and soon the Aggie D will leave the field to chants of Wrecking Crew again.
Aggie Terminology Yes, we have a glossary of terms that every Aggie knows and uses on a pretty regular basis. Except for the 'two percenters'. Have you ever heard an Aggie 'Whoop'? That's a privilege held for only the juniors, seniors and graduates. Catch a 'Fish' 'Pulling Out' and you can make them 'Push'. (for explinations, read the terms in the links)
Fish Pond - When the Aggies win a home football game, the freshmen in the Corps of Cadets chase the Yell Leaders around Kyle Field, and, once they are captured, carry them across campus and toss them into Fish Pond, a fountain full of very cold water. And yes, in '93 it snowed during the Texas game and the Yell Leaders were still given a nice bath after the win. The freshmen dunking is what gives 'Fish Pond' it's name, as no fish live in the water.
Fish Drill Team - The award winning drill team can often be found practicing in the Quad by the Corps dorms. The team was featured during the opening credits to A Few Good Men, linked here. They are pretty amazing to watch.
Fish Camp - The summer before a students' freshman year, the 'Fish' are invited to a 4 day camp in Palestine, Texas where they learn the Aggie Tradtions and Yells.
Fish Camp features over 900 counselors, if that give you an idea of how big it is.
Texas A&M has a pair of extraordinary traditions. I've tried to capture the spirit, but I'd invite each of you to join with us any time to see these live.
Silver Taps - On the first Tuesday of any month, if an undergrad or graduate student has passed away, there will be a small card with the deceased students name, class, major, and date of birth placed on the statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross in the Academic Plaza.
That night, lights are turned off all over campus, and at 10:15, students and family members will gather silently around the statue. Shortly there after, the Ross Volunteers will march in, stand at attention, then fire three rifle volleys, breaking the silence.
Then Silver Taps, a special version of Taps, is played three times from the top of the Academic Building ... once to the north, south, and west. It is not played to the east to signify that sun will never rise on that Aggie again. After the buglers play, the students silently return to their homes.
I can not properly put into words how striking this ceremony is.
My freshman year, as Silver Taps slowely faded away, the silence was broken by a mother who had cried quietly during the ceremony. She softly said, "Thank you" in the darkness to the faceless people gathered, in a voice wracked with tears, and I doubt any of us left with dry eyes.
Muster - Muster is the tradition that forever unites the Aggies past with Aggies present. It is Texas A&M's most solemn and most visible tradition.
Muster was first held on June 26, 1883, and it's been held on San Jacinto Day, April 21st, since 1903. This is a day where former students of Texas A&M gathered together to '... live over again our college days, the victories and defeats won and lost upon drill ground and classroom. Let every alumnus answer a roll call.'
No matter where Aggies are, whether it is two or three, or the thousands who gather on the Texas A&M campus, they find other Aggies to celebrate the day. Each year there are 300-400 musters held around the world.
And it is a celebration. While the ceremony is moving and reminds you of the lives lost, the day full of activities, including a 50 year reunion spot light, Camaraderie Barbecue, and campus tours shows off the life of the students, current and past.
At each Muster ceremony a speaker will be followed by the 'Roll Call For The Absent.' Names of those from that area who have died in the past year will be read, and as each name is called, a family member or friend will answer 'Here' to show that Aggie is present in spirit, and a candle will be lit.
Following the candle-lighting ceremony in Reed Arena, a rifle volley is fired and then Silver Taps is played.
During World War II, Aggies and other servicemen held Muster at Corregidor, the last American stronghold in the Pacific before the island was overrun by the Japanese. Only 12 Aggies survived the battle, the death march and ensuing POW camps.
Campus and Surrounding Area
The campus of Texas A&M University, also known as Aggieland, is situated in College Station, Texas. Aggieland is centrally located within 200 miles of three of the 10 largest cities in the United States and 75% of the Texas and Louisiana populations.
Bryan-College Station area population: 228,660
City Skyline and other places
Iconic Campus Building:
Kyle Field dominates the 5,200 acre campus, but some other building include:
The Systems Building welcomes visitors to our campus
Rudder Tower named after James Earl Rudder who led one of the most daring raids in the Normandy Invasion during WWII scaling a 100 foot cliff under enemy fire to destroy German gun batteries. He was also the 16th President of Texas A&M.
George Bush Presidential Library - Former President George Bush, the older one, has his presidential library on campus. It features tons of history on his presidency and an apartment for him to stay in upstairs when he is visiting.
Which is good, as he makes it to many A&M football games. He even led the team onto Kyle Field once.
The Academic Building stands behind the statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross who turned down a third term as governor of Texas to be A&M's president. He actively fought for A&M, literally and figuratively. If you need a little luck, drop a penny on his statue.
• The O&M building was once the tallest building between Houston, Dallas and Austin. Many aggies take Astronomy simply so they get to hang out on the top floor.
Sbisa Dining Hall - once the largest dining hall in the world, A&M and Air Force spent much of the last century fighting over the rights to the who's was larger. Sbisa was named after Bernard Sbisa who only missed cooking one meal in 50 years for the Aggies. That breakfast was on Nov. 11, 1911 when the campus burned down, including the mess hall, kitchens and his own home. Lunch that day was served on time.
Local Dining:
If you come to College Station, don't you dare leave before spending some time at Northgate. Since 1930 (8 years before College Station was incorporated) this has been the traditional place for students to relax across the street from campus.
Northgate is College Stations premier bar district located along the Northwest edge of campus across University St. Most places are open until 2am and are open to 18+ with some 21+ exceptions.
Many Texas Country musicians got their start in Northgate, including Aggie legends Robert Earl Keen, Lyle Lovett, Dub Miller, and Roger Creager.
Northgate
Some favorites include:
The Dixie Chicken - The Dixie Chicken, also known as The Chicken, has been "College Station's most famous watering hole since 1974," and is notable for its role in Texas A&M University tradition.
"Nationally known," the Dixie Chicken claims to serve the most beer per square foot of any bar in the United States.
The tradition of Ring Dunking started at the Chicken. If you do visit The Chicken, you should take the opportunity to learn Texas 42. It's essentially spades with dominos and a ton of fun.
Dry Bean Saloon - Shot bar next to The Chicken. Order favorites like the Angry Japanese Minnow Farmer.
The Corne Rooftop - It's been a while since I've been, but this place was always one of the favorites, mostly for the multiple floors, large bars, and rooftop atmosphere/ view.
Logan's - If you're 21+ and don't wants teens around this is one of the few options. Solid bar with giant 36 oz chuggers. Looks like $4 is what they'll cost you now, but I could swear there were nights they were $2.
O'bannon's Taphouse - If you're a beer connoisseur this is your spot. They have over 100 beers on tap, and a beer tour card. Filling with the 100+ beers takes weeks and give you mad street cred. And a drinking problem.
HOOKAH STATION!!! GATSBY'S!!! V-BAR!!! - The places Johnny famously frequents. The scooby doo shots were definitely in one of the latter two.
There are many more, but those will get you started. Watch the door for 5 minutes and you'll be able to tell exactly what kind of crowd frequents each.
Late Night Snacks
Antonio's - Incredibly diverse selection of Pizzas that are pretty perfect around 2am. The line will be out the door and down the street, so get there at 1:30 if you really want some. Worth the wait.
Fuego - Delicious alternative to Taco Cabana that popped up in the last few years. It's pricer, but the quality is head and shoulders above.
Breakfast
Hullabaloo - Diner a ways out east of town down wellborn.
Los Norteños - Downtown Bryan taco place. Tacos better described as burritos they barely fit on the already large plates.
Brunch / Lunch
Layne's - Heard of Raising Cane's? It's that, but with better sauce, actual Texas Toast, and better fries. Plus it's half the price.
Freebirds - Oh my god I wish they had these where I live. Chipotle is dogshit compared to a good bird. I've put back multiple Super Monsters in my time.
Koppe Bridge - Great Burgers. Enough Said.
La Bodega - Shakers and Queso is all you need, but the rest of their food is good too.
Dinner
Cafe Eccel - Across from La Bodega. Solid food if you want to get a little fancier.
Christopher's - Kinda out of the way, but great if you want to get real fancy.
This is in no way an all inclusive list. I have no doubt many more recently in CS Aggies will fill it out further in the comments.
Random Trivia
A&M currently has the most current students attend each game. Season tickets cost $225 for just football, or $350 for all sports. A normal football game will feature 30,000+ students in the stands.
A&M won 79.8% of their games during the 1910's, including two undefeated, unscored on seasons.
Kyle field opened in 1904, making it the SEC's oldest field. After renovations, it will be the largest stadium in the SEC at 102,500 seats. Next year, during construction, it will hold 109,000 fans for the year.
On Nov. 24, 1921 the A&M vs. Texas game was broadcast in real time by morse code. This was the first play-by-play broadcast in history.
There is also plenty of rivalry between A&M and UTx off the field as well.
The opening scene of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is the Aggie football team beating the Longhorns and being rewarded with a visit to the women of the night.
Students that went to A&M for one year, then transferred elsewhere: T. Boone Pickens, Tennessee's General Robert Neyland, and the LA Clippers' DeAndre Jordan.
Lots of famous folks have come from A&M but the head of the list is professor Norman Borlaug. The 'Man who saved a Billion lives' is one of seven people to have won the Nobel Peace Prize, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and the Congressional Gold Medal.
What Is and What is to Come
Here we go with year 2 in the SEC, and the Aggie faithful have a lot to be excited about.
Our schedule has 8 home games, including Alabama at Kyle Field.
On offense, our O-Line should be just as good as last year, if not better, despite losing Outland Trophy winner Luke Joeckel.
We return outstanding tackle Jake Matthews who will move to left tackle, and Cedric Ogbuehi will take right tackle which is his natural position. We also have Mike Matthews (Jake's brother) stepping in at center.
Germain Ifedi and Jarvis Harrison will fill out the guard positions. All of them have a lot of experience from last year.
At running back, we have size, speed, power and blocking. We have hungry backs that want to play. Possibly the most talented backfield in the NCAA this year.
To catch the ball we have tall, strong, fast receivers all over the place. Mike Evans returns after a stunning freshman year. Freshman Ricky Seals-Jones (RSJ) will join Cam Clear to give us a normal receiving package including three receivers over 6'4”. All of them can run, and they might all be lining up on the same side just to screw with defenses.
In a press conference last week, Coach Sumlin said RSJ is 6'5" and 245 lbs. They did a body fat analysis and realized that he is carring the minimum amount of fat the trainers will allow. That's all muscle.
And we have Johnny Manziel. No matter what you think you know about him, the kid can play football.
On defense, we have a lot of new faces, including some true freshmen that should be playing plenty this year. Of course, last year we thought our D would be terrible and it came out plenty okay, so there is hope!
Overtime
Heisie, there isn't enough about me here! WTF?
I'm a statue, Johnny. This is all in your head.
More Information
Subreddit: /Aggies
Contributors: FarwellRob, Thrav, Theyus, laminak
And finally, my thanks to the many good Ags that have helped put this together.
There is a traditional saying at A&M: From the outside looking in, you can't understand it; and from the inside looking out, you can't explain it.
I've done my best to capture A&M and what we feel is special about Aggieland ... but I'm going to bet I've missed a few things.
For more information on the 132 Teams in 132 Days Project, click here.
submitted by FarwellRob to CFB [link] [comments]


2013.07.31 04:38 tabledresser [Table] I am a corporate/commercial pilot; AMA!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-07-31
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Do you jerk the controls around to create "turbulence" when you're bored? Ok, I'll be honest, I've "negative G'd" somebody. Pitching the plane up, then quickly down to give them a weightless feeling, or negative G load, then back up quickly to enforce a positive G load. It happened once.
EDIT: The quotation marks moved. Maybe thrice.
Do cell phones really fuck up equipment during take-off/landing? Edit: let me clarify. This answer was typed in the midst of the AMA commotion, and I've received a lot of flak for it. My answer was meant as a joke, and I realize it did not come across as one.
People, in all honesty and seriousness, listen to your flight attendants. These people get paid to inform you of how to stay safe, and yes, cellphones can actually cause issues. I can't stress enough the fact that FA's are genuinely interested in your safety. Do not neglect that. Sorry all for the haphazardly placed joke.
What's the closest you have ever come to crashing? Windshear on short final in hot Texas air when I was training in a Cessna a couple years ago. 50 feet off the ground, with not power in, wind hit us from the side, rolling the plane almost 45 degrees in less than a second. We lost all lift and were moved about 100 feet left of the runway. I corrected with attitude and power, and we recovered almost 15 feet from the ground. It would have been ugly. My instructor called me "Mav". I was a little proud.
What's the most common cause of plane crashes? There are several common causes, but I think they differ for commercial and civilian aviation. Complacency is almost always involved.
What is your favorite plane to fly? Of the planes I've flown, the Cirrus SR-22G is pretty neat. It's such a small plane, and you can dart around using the stick and rudder feeling fairly low to the ground. Something you can't do in the airlines.
TIL I can correct all problems with attitude. Hell yes you can.
Edit: achievement unlocked, GOLD.
What kind of defenses do you have in the cockpit to ward of hijackers? Are there specific procedures you must follow if you were to ever encounter this? My passengers are 99% of the time people I know personally (keep in mind, I'm a corporate guy), so if one of them try to hijack the plane I'll take action myself.
Do you get discounts on SkyMall? I pay full price just like you for all my zombie lawn ornaments and doggie bed-ramps.
What's the biggest Myth/Misconception people have about pilots or the airline industry? That a lot of us are cocky. That's absolutely untrue.
All of us are cocky.
If you had your own plane, what would you name it? In high school, all my friends decided to name their cars. So I thought all day and night to come up with a cool name for mine. In the morning, we got together to discuss. They came up with "Lazer", "Beast", "Rhino", and "Destroyer". I had settled on "Madeline". So I'll stick with Madeline.
What would your dream plane look like, inside and out? My dream plane would look like a Phenom 300. For what I'd like to do, and for what I'd need, that's absolutely perfect. Link to www.executivejetco.com
What's the most difficult type of customepassenger? Different colors though.
Did you always want to be a pilot? The most difficult passenger is one who doesn't want to fly, but they want to let you know that. Sometimes, I'd rather carry boxes than people. Lookin' at you, FedEx.
If you weren't a pilot, what would you do? I used to want to be a Navy SEAL. In college, I decided I wanted to fly. This was literally 50% due to the fact that chicks dig planes, and 50% due to the fact that a friend's dad (Southwest captain) told me he doesn't work a day in his life. He plays.
I'm curious...for someone like your friend's dad (captain for Southwest), what is the most feasible route to becoming a big commercial pilot like that? Air force experience? Is the industry extremely tough these days to work for a big airline like that flying the big planes? If you can stomach taking out a large loan, then go to one of the flight school that will get you through quickly with your ratings. Then, it's on to either the instructing side until you can hop onto a regional carrier or the corporate side until you can hop onto a regional or major. It's a game of numbers, the numbers here being pilot in command (PIC) hours and jet time.
I see. Is age a limiting factor? 65 is the cap for airlines. Until then, you can fly, health dependent.
Also, what do you mean by instructing side? And this might be a naive question,...but for the guys who fly the big domestic routes and international routes (the Airbuses, 767's etc that carry 100+ people)..is that generally viewed as a very low percentage play in this day and age? Do most guys make it there only after many years (like 20+?) of smaller work? By instructing, I mean once you get your ratings, you don't just jump in a 737. You have to get so many hours, then so many Pilot in Command hours, then so many jet hours. So instructing is a way to get money while getting some of those hours. Then you'll go to a corporate job or a regional carrier.
Are you a member of the mile-high club? Who's asking? Did you see the card? 6', 175#, green eyes.
What do you consider the greatest piloting feat in commercial airline history? Obviously when Denzel had to fly a Maddog upside down!
But seriously, I think what Captain Sullenberger did with an airbus was absolutely amazing. Especially considering the fact that everyone lived. That's probably my favorite commercial story.
How accurate are flight simulators? They're accurate for some things and horrible for others. We used a sim to practice multi-engine maneuvers when training, and it's nice to get the feel of the flows and controls. However, it's really nothing without the actual feeling of flying. The stuff that goes on in your inner ear that make you react certain ways is impossible to recreate in most sims.
Could you elaborate on what's going on in your inner ear in the air? Oh man, that's a big question. It would honestly be easier to Google, and it would be much more educational. I'm not at all dissing your question, but that's just a really broad field.
But basically, your body can really lie to you as far was what you feel vs. what is happening.
What is your favourite story to tell people about our job? Most interesting thing that happened to you while flying? Thanks for doing this AMA! I don't really have a favorite story, but I have my favorites for different situations. My favorite "almost crashed" story, my favorite "weather was crap" story, my favorite "gorgeous skies and could see for miles" story. I know this doesn't really answer your question, but that's one of those things that's just hard to pinpoint.
If I had to narrow it down, one of the coolest things I've seen was on a trip to somewhere in Texas, ATC called up and told me to climb 1,000 feet asap for traffic behind me in 20 miles. It was an F-18 on the same route and altitude as me. So I chugged on up 1,000 feet higher, and looking down, I saw a Hornet come screaming by!
Do you wear aviator sun glasses? Yes. Also Wayfarers.
Why can't they build a giant parachute so that when a plane starts to go down, the wings and fuel tanks disconnect and a HUUUGE parachute deploys and floats the fuselage safely down to the ground. WHY??? Google the Cirrus SR-22 "CAPS" system.
Do you always remember to thank the mechanics that keep your plane airworthy? We don't get thanked enough :( I love my mechanic. If your a mechanic, I love you too! I can't take apart these engines, and you're the guys that keep me alive.
Have you ever had to deal with terrible/rude passengers or flight attendants? One time, my brother got sick during some turbulence at 24,000 ft and kept asking if we could "just pull over". I ignored him.
I don't deal with flight attendants, but I bet an airline guy could take that question. I have a friend who's had to kick someone off the plane. Rather, he had to tell the stewardess, who then told the air marshal. No trip and no refund.
Why did your friend have to kick someone off his plane? Come on tell the story. Really it was just because they were causing a ruckus in coach seating. Yelling obscenities toward everyone including children, talking about bombs (yea, it really is a no-no), and generally being an ass-hat.
My friend told the stewardess "tell him to calm down or leave." When she came back with the question of what to do next, he said, "Ma'am, I'm already buckled in, and I have my coffee. If he's not calming down, then he's leaving."
Do you drive fast and aggressive while in your car, then get out next to the plane where attractive attendants are awaiting you, or is that just in commercials? Because I'm a corporate guy, I always fly right up to the plane.
You fly up to the plane? You take a plane to pilot another plane? That's way cooler than I could have even imagined. Bahaha, yea I meant drive. Know what? I'm leaving it. I like your style.
What is something reassuring that you would say to someone who gets anxious about flying? "I never fly unless I'm 100% comfortable with the conditions. I am today." Usually, if people know me, this is good enough to coax them onto an aircraft with me up front.
What should people with a fear of flying do to correct it? I'm assuming the general public cant talk to the pilots, but that wouldn't help me much anyway. Trust. It's all about trusting the people that are being paid to keep you safe. You do it with police officers and bus drivers. You just have to remember we do this every single day, and we want to stay safe as well!
Do you call your privates the cockpit? Negative. I call it The Kraken. Different story for a different day.
have you ever masturbated while the plane was on autopilot? I have not. There's still too much going on for me to do that. And commonly, I fly planes that do not have an enclosed cockpit. This would be public masturbation... I'm not into that.
Pretty boring question, but how does autopilot work? Is it completely automated, or do you still need to do a lot, or can you just chill out? :) Depends on the autopilot system, but most of them are very much automated, in which you have to simply switch numbers, knobs, and levers for altitude, speed, attitude, etc.
What is the planes attitude? Basically its orientation to the horizon.
So no "snooze button"? Like, if I hit that button I can take a snooze? Serious question... but sounds dumb. Nah, things can happen in seconds. There can't be any snoozing.
Do you ever listen to "Danger Zone" while flying? It comes on Sirius radio every now and then. I keep it on 70's and 80's rock, so I have a better chance of hearing it in the air.
How long did you to become a corporate pilot after college? Also, have you or will you ever fly a 747? Six months. Keep in mind, I had been flying for 3 years prior to that. I'm still a pretty low-hour pilot, and I was in the right place at the right time. The wait time for a job like mine is generally longer.
Did you pay out of pocket for all your time and ratings? Is it possible to get hired to fly anything without a college degree? I'm a PPL/ASEL who works full time as a firefighter. I've only got around 25 hours PIC time with one year of time since getting my ticket. I'm in a flying club, building hours in the club 172 (at $70 an hour wet BTW) working toward my IFR and hopefully commercial ticket. When I retire from firefighting in 15 years I'm hoping to find any kind of paid gig flying. I'll tow banners, gliders and sling sky divers. I'd really like to maybe ferry aircraft for a broker or something. Any advice for me to steer my future retirement career that direction? Thanks! I paid out of pocket, and let me tell you, that HURT. But I got all my ratings farily quickly (I started with my private license only, and I ended with commercial, instrument, instructor, the works). For banner towing and sky divers, I'm fairly certain you can get the gig without a college degree. Airline or corporate work would be a very slim chance, unfortunately. It's all about the regulations.
Two part: What do you do once you reach the destination? Is the pay enough to be your full time job? I do anything required of me by the company. This often includes golfing, speaking at conventions, taking people to dinner, snowboarding, or hanging around the hotel and working out.
Yep, it's my full time job. Because I'm sort of a 'utility player' in the company, I get more than what a strict corporate pilot would make.
I'm still not sure I understand exactly what your job is... you fly a plane, and shmooze...? Why does this position exist? Because people need pilots and people need a good people-person. I happen to be a bit of both. Also, I do work in the office. A bit of a utility player.
Your life sounds like something out of a movie. I imagine you as a young George Clooney, flying about the country smoozing with rich business men and banging chicks that look like they're out of a 007 movie. Kudos to you. Would it help if I tell you I own a Walther PPK?
I went to the university of North Dakota which as im sure you know has quite the aviation program, and I lived with 3 CFI's at once so I thought I would tell you my favorite joke. How do you know your out to dinner with a pilot?? They will tell you... five times. Did I say I'm a pilot?
How many crappy "Airplane" movie quotes get said to you? I've gotten the Turkish prison line a couple times, and I'm thinking, "Of all the lines in all the movies, this is your 'go-to'?"
When you fly on passenger flights, are you critical of the quality of the flight? I trust those guys. Generally, wing-watching from the seats won't do anything but worry you, so I have a drink and relax.
As a pilot, what are your opinions of TSA screening procedures for passenger flights? Anytime I fly on an airline, I get the 'naked x-ray thing' done to me. Every time. I don't mind; I have nothing to hide, and if some guy has to see me naked to get me on my flight, that's ok. But I know this is not the common thought, and I understand that as well.
Where is you favorite place to fly into in US (or international if you ever do that)? My favorite airport is Denver, CO. The scenery and the landscape is breathtaking (I'm a mountain type of guy).
Denver! Have you seen the terrifying "I eat the souls of your children" blue bronco while entering DIA? I love that horse! I like seeing the eyes at night.
I know a pilot and flight attendant married couple who work for a commercial carrier. They get to fly for free when there is room on a flight. They've literally decided to spend a weekend in Hawaii Friday night, spur of the moment. Once there they get discounts on accommodations. What perks do you get? My company pays for everything I do when I'm anywhere away from home. That's a pretty good perk!
Had any celebrity or big name clients? Only myself.
I just realized; you're Tom Cruise, aren't you?! This is all coming together. I'm 6' tall and better looking, but good try!
Have you ever used the plane to pick up chicks? Once. I got my current girlfriend that way. So far, I'm batting a thousand with that line.
This. To dovetail with the first question, what's the biggest emergency you've faced? Probably my answer to number 1 of the previous question. Although once, I was diverted to another airport because an airplane had just crashed at the one I was heading to.
How often does something go wrong that would concern passengers if they actually knew about it? Rarely. If a passenger knew what was going on and understood what the reason was behind it, they'd be calm about it.
Can you explain a little bit more on why you get to fly whenever and wherever you want? I work in the business side of the energy company I'm with. This means I can more or less make my own schedule, so I take clients out and do the 'fun stuff' when I travel. This isn't a normal thing for corporate pilots, and it has more to do with the fact that I'm multi-faceted in the business I'm in.
What would it take to hire you away from your current company, given the same working conditions? A pool of money deep enough for me to dive into like Scrooge McDuck.
Seriously, I'm way too loyal to my company. I love everything about it and everyone here. There's no chance I'm leaving.
What is the last thing you bought on Amazon? Carbon arrows for my recurve bow.
Holy fuck he does archery, too. Do you have a brother? I have siblings.
Tagged as "Badass Archer Pilot Playboy". You rock.
What is something from flying that maybe as a passenger would freak me out to experience, but as a pilot isn't a worry at all? Wings wobbling a bit freaks me out some, turbulence obviously, and landing to me is the scariest part cause i'm afraid the plane is going to bounce when it touches down and flip sideways. Can you dispel any of these fears? The only way to dispel those fears is to trust the pilots you're flying with. Turbulence, wings moving, and landing are all things we deal with on a daily basis. It's a lot like hitting a bump in the road in your car, or pulling into the garage when you get home. Remember that we do this every day. The only reason people are frightened is because you cannot control it yourself.
What planes have you flown, and what's your dream plane to fly? Cessnas, Pipers, Cirruses, Beechcraft. My dream plane for what I want to do is the Phenom 300. Link to www.executivejetco.com
Is turbulence worse in planes smaller than commercial jets? Can you use your cellphone all the time? Definitely, and nope not usually.
I made an AMA request a while ago for a commercial airline pilot, but I guess this is close enough. So thanks for doing this. Have you ever had to make an emergency landing? I've witnessed an emergency landing, and I've been on board when priority was given for a landing, but I've never had to make one myself.
What's the most dangerous situation you've been in (pertaining to flying)? The most dangerous situation is one in which wind rolled my airplane almost 45 degrees to one side very close to the ground. I went into much more detail a little further up the page.
A woman sat next to me on a flight from Boston to SFO that was really rough. She told me that if you can feel the turbulence, then that means the pilot knows what he/she's doing. Is there any truth in that or did she just want me to take my fingernails out of her arm? If you can feel the turbulence, that means there is turbulence. Generally, a pilot isn't going to correct for turbulence that much, because it will often result in over correcting. So in a way, maybe she's right.
What's your biggest "oh shit" moment? One of the questions above asked this, I answered with a story of almost falling from the air to the runway. Wind shear is a hell of a thing.
This was literally 50% due to the fact that chicks dig planes. So... has being a pilot made the women swoon for you? It helps that I'm good looking.
For smaller planes, how hard is it to get the weight correct so you don't have accidents like the one that killed Aaliya? Honestly, checking weight and balance is one of the easiest and most crucial things to do. It's very simple once you get to know the plane very well. I can look at everyone that's coming with me and point out to certain people, telling them they'll have to leave one of their bags.
My fiance is getting his pilot's license at the moment. I guess I am kind of nervous because it can be a dangerous career and also because he may be gone for long-ish periods at a time. Any advice for someone in a relationship with a pilot? Ha, you'd have to talk to my girlfriend for that perspective. She'd have a ton to talk about.
Then ill just wait for IAMA deep_rights gf. tell her shes being requested :) Texting her now!
What's your favorite city to visit? The other side of that coin of course, where would you rather live? Hayden, CO is always a fun place to go, because it means I'll be snowboarding in the next few hours. If I could live anywhere, maybe Park City, UT or Steamboat Springs, CO.
One of the pilots on PSA flight 182 (1978 crash in San Diego) had enough time to say just before the crash "Ma, Love you"...what do you think you would say if you knew you were going to crash. Morbid I know but it's reddit. I've thought about this before, and honestly, I've never come up with a good answer. I think it would just be spur of the moment, whatever my truest feelings were at that time.
Jet pilot here, I'll pick up some questions as well. Get em, jet jockey!
Have you ever had a B2 or a cool Air Force plane fly over you like another pilot who had an AMA. I had an F-18 fly 1,000 ft under me once.
Last updated: 2013-08-03 20:41 UTC
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2013.07.25 02:29 tabledresser [Table] IAmA host of the Who Charted podcast with Howard and Kulap.

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Date: 2013-07-24
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Howard, why do you always say "I'll save it for two charted" but you never ever say it on two charted, is that your way of not talking about a subject? I'll save it for Two Charted.
Kulap, if Scott were to be referring to you to another group of people, what two words would he use to refer to you? Mahhh wife!
Kulap, do you worry about Scott being around the young interns like Reardon and Wompler on Comedy Bang Bang? Haha, no they're both flat chested.
Kulap, which of Howard's business ideas do you think is the best??? Conniptions - a business that supplies rooms for shit fits.
How has the evolution of the show surprised you? Is there anything that you wouldn't have believed on day one? I wouldn't believe how it has compromised my privacy.
Howard, I always picture Dragon Manor to be a one bedroom apartment with a pile of sand in the living room. Accurate? One day. With a little bit of help from the Summer gods.
Kulap, are you worried about Scott's return trip to a Phish concert/ are you going? I'm going and I am worried.
What is the probability of a visit from the real Lee? True percentage: 8%
How much did you enjoy staying in our tent at Sasquatch? Why did you reject our breakfast we made for you the next morning? Do you still snore? Damn it, I was snoring in there?! Lookin' hot on Instagram, baby. It was one of my fondest memories of 2012. Next time, lose the dude.
Howard, when is Kulap going to get to hang out at Dragon Manor? Wouldn't she just add good vibes to the summer altar? Summah shrine, first of all. Second of all, entry has to be earned. - Howard.
Kulap, what are your favorite current comic books? Right now I'm into Hawk Eye, The Superior Foes of Spiderman, The Movement by Gail Simone - Kulap.
Love your show! BTW, my husband is from Howell so listening to you is a little reminder from home. Oh wow, Jersey, Howell! I worked at "The Cabin". We'd forget to put in people's orders all the time. - Howard.
Howard, as a vegetarian would you consider Hermes treatment humane? Great question! We don't ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He has 4star accommodations here at Earwolf and let's be honest he'd have trouble out in the wild being a hermaphrodite.
Howard, As someone who battles a skewering addiction, how do you stay on the straight and narrow and resist the urge to poke yourself with sharp things for relief? I am beyond it now bro. Do some stretches. Use your finger. Acupressure it's called.
I know this sounds silly but, what do you think your lives would look like if you hadn't started Who Charted? Howie: I'd probably still be reading those spiritual books. I'd probably be on a park bench sitting Indian style in a bathing suit.
KuKu: Ditto
Where will you open the inaugural Shredstaurant? Stockholm, Sweden
Coming in at number 5, #5! What was the worst part of comic-con? Number 4, #4! Do you think lil'debbie has taken over as the leader of the WGM? Number 3, #3! When is Chip Pope gonna guest on WC? Number 4, #4! Is it the same without Trish? Number 5, # 5! If Summah is truly the give in to all great activities time of year, when are you gonna try to surf again? Promise not to yell at you! 5) Howard: Jaywalking Kulap: The crowds 4) Howard: Perhaps 3) When he loses the diaper smell.
Can you recall the hardest you've ever laughed during an episode of Who Charted? That's tough...every show we're back at zero, barely can remember anything! They're all hilarious.
How did the concept of the podcast come about? Was there really a goose in the studio during the Ben Schwartz episode? How do we save summah? Is Obama to blame? Yeah, we got a goose.
For Howard: why did you decide to lay off the Mary Jane? And, how's it going so far? Howard: It's going very well. I'm a Weekend warrior. It's so I could join the new age, and just be productive in the digital world.
Kulap: You rule! I've heard you on both Paul and Janet's shows, and you seem like a really conscious, compassionate and awesome lady. Keep being rad! And since that wasn't a question, what's your favorite smoothie recipe? Kulap: Thank you! 9 oz of ice cold milk, a little bit of water, some ice, frozen strawberries, 2 scoops of chocolate protein powder, a half a handful of almonds, and a big handful of kale.
Which dead celebrities would you have wanted to have on the podcast most? Why? Kulap: Christopher Reeves 'cause he's Superman.
Howard: Keith Moon from the Who, Brooke Burke.
Howard, how many sprays in a shot? Aw fuck, like 70 or 80.
Howard, be honest. Is there actually a scheduling issue, or did you just not want to see Phish? It was a scheduling issue AND I am dodging a serious bullet on that.
Guys, I've been listening to your show and Earwolf since day one, and I love every bit of it. Your show actually helped me get into Pop music. Have you found any interests from charting that surprised you? Howard likes country now, and because of that now I (Kulap) do too. Pop-wise, I (Howard) was never into Katy Perry or Taylor Swift...and Call Me Maybe.
Howard, I know you're all about the Summah, but what is your favorite WINTAH activity? Howard: Recording Have a Summah songs.
Kulap, You were hilarious in your Parks and Rec cameo! What show would you love to have a guest spot on next? Howard: I see Kulap on Silk Stocking, Hardcore Pawn Chicago...I could see her on Devious Maids, Fuse News.
Hey guys, Howard I'm about to move from the very hot Deep South to snow filled Connecticut. Any suggestions on keeping a warm Summah feeling all year long? Ku Ku you always look great. Looking forward to seeing your documentary! Howie: Make sure you have indoor pool access #upn #undergroundpoolnetwork #yaheard
Howard, will you come to San Diego to perform your Have Anotha Summah album live before I leave? Please? When do you leave?
August 19th, kind of short notice :( Headin' down tonight!
Follow up for Howard - if Scott were the sheriff of Mayberry and you were his bumbling deputy, what two words word he use to refer to you? Tool boy!
Another follow up for Kulap- if someone disconnected your wireless internet connection, what two words would you use to lament your situation? Oh fuck!
Oh, I'm so sorry, we were looking for "MY WIFI!" Thanks for playing though! Kulap: I stand corrected!
Ku: After coming back from Comic-Con, what books are you most looking forward to? What are your favorite current on-goings? Kulap: Red Sonya, I need to get Neil Gaiman's new novel and I'm like three weeks backed up so I need to crack in to what I already have.
If I'm not mistaken, you're very familiar with Austin, TX. My company is relocating me there from Chicago in a couple months. Where is the best part of town to live? Hyde Park.
Did you know that dinosaurs are extinct? Yea. Except for the Loch Ness and the Komodo Dragon. Did you know an octopus can do math?
Mr Motorcycle, if you could be any frozen summah treat, what would you be and why? Itzakadoozie. Delicious. Available only at amusement parks.
Kulap: Favorite memory from filming Parks and Rec? I was just so thrilled to be working with Amy and Adam and Mike from Breaking Bad.
When is the next live WC on VPN? Tomorrow! 6 PM pacific. Special guests!
Kulap: What, if any, TV shows are you currently loving? Kulap: This is embarrassing, but Big Brother! Baggage & Family Feud with Steve Harvey.
Howard: Any musical artists that have recently caught and held your attention? Howard: Oh, yes, I would say um um um ASAP Rocky, Bro Safari, Knife Party.
Howard, have you ever thought about joining up with the nerdcore hip hop scene? If you listen to it, anyone you would like to collab with? Give me multiple choices.
Mc chris, mc frontalot, ytcracker. Maybe see you at a PAX or some sort of convention to perform. Nice, MC chris is the only one of those i've heard so far, so Chris.
Lovvve the show! The Howard-Kulap dynamic is endlessly entertaining. Have You ever considered user submitted charts? Could be a great way to get fans more involved and Howard And Ku riffing on the chart would surely be gold. Oh, and what's a guy gotta do to get a Springsteen rock? Thanks for the 'cast! Yea we use user submitted charts on Tooch when Kulap gets lazy.
Make that gift chart theme play for a Springsteen rock.
Howard, how's the clench? It seems to have gotten better as you don't mention it as often. Kulap, I just wanted to say I appreciate your positive attitude about things. You guys brighten my day. The clench is on the run. This is clenchbustah summah. I'm amazed how fixed it is getting, I thought I may need surgery or something.
Howard, is your clench improving? Do you have any tips for other clench-sufferers that do not include amateur skewer acupuncture? Kuku & WieWie: Who would be your ideal Who Charted guest? If you could get Trey from Phish on the show, would you let Harris in the room, or would you set up an elaborate to-do list for him to be allowed entry? Harris is my boy and yes I would set up a Rube Goldberg maze that would lead to Trey on Who Charted? - Kulap.
What guest has not been on that you would love to have? Kulap: Louis CK, Amy Poehler Howard: David Lee Roth.
When are we going to see Poehler, Aziz, and Mulaney on the show? I would love that. We'll make it happen.
So...who actually charted? Kulap.
Hey guys, I love your podcasts and really enjoy when you guys do the VPN episodes. Do you think podcasts will move in the direction of video as the internet comes to the living room, and would you want Who Charted? to become a video podcast? We're doing one tomorrow with special co-host April Richardson instead of Ku! Tune in!
We wish that we were on camera right now doing this AMA!
Howard, looking forward to seeing you in Denver at High Plains... want to rage? Bath salts, please.
Hey guys... when can we hang out? Right now bro. Come over.
Howard, what is the most "Summah" day of non-Summah? Ooh good question. I would have to say it's May 3-1.
KuKu, considering that you can't always be there for Howard, have you considered getting him into some kind of assisted living / life coaching program? Howard: That's a great idea.
Kulap: Let me handle my mom first and we'll talk about it. I'll put it on my list.
What are some good ways to have a Summah on a budget? #upn, um um carpool to the beach, um um steal an ice cream truck, um um dry hump a dune.
Hey guys, love Whoch and Twoch! Will Lee be answering any questions today? Also, what happened to engineer Doug? Howard: Yeah Lee can answer some questions! Doug left the building.
Wiewie have you put out any more fires since the one next door - literally or virtually? Yes I have.
Kulap says: Crotch fires.
I put out.
Hey Wie - can a summah secret be shared between two people? My bff and I did something secret on our summah beach vacation last week and don't plan on telling anyone! Kulap: Big tittie hug!
P.p.s. As a fellow large chested lady I love you Kulap! :) Howard: A secret is when you know something and nobody else knows nothin'
Is my image of Earwolf as a giant office with cubicles where Paul walks up to you and talks about Nicolas Cage or Jake walks up and talks about the Ramones accurate? Yes.
Did you guys have fun at comic con? I saw both of you separately at different points in the weekend! Oh really! Yep, until I was hungover on Sunday - Kulap.
Yep, until I was tired- Howard.
If you could travel back in time to your childhood what advice would you give yourself? Kulap: Your life will get progressively better. For Howard, I would say your moms gonna throw away your toys on this date, grab 'em before she does!
Twist - what advice would you give each others childhood self? Howard: Don't get mad, let people think you're a girl. To Young Ku I would say stay away from them gangsters in the food court.
When are you going to do the Howard theories episode? Also, can I just say I get you, Howard. Keep doing what you are doing. I started to pull back on that idea because I started telling people what I believe and it was a slow slog...if you don't get my references...as a kid, as a child, it seemed that religion would be gone by the time we are adults, so I think I just inherently have these beliefs that are hard to explain to others.
How come you've started regularly having guests on Two Charted? That show is best when it's just Howard, Kulap, and an engineer. Why have you started polluting a masterpiece? Just a phase.
Which is your favorite food, real milk dirt cup or mustard? Mustard.
Howard, when does your stand up album come out, if you know at all? We're gonna call that Sept.
Howard, have you ever experimented with crystals ... what do you reckon to their healing powers? Uhhh crystals...crystal gale don't make my brown eyes blue.
What's Chip Pope like in person? Howard: The first time I ever had a conversation with him, he was on a 10-speed bike. While he was talking, I wrote the words "Misbegotten Douche" on his bike tire. He looked down and saw it and immediately pedaled away.
Howard, is the top knot a temporary thing, or will it be with us all SUMMAH? Kulap: I hope it's temporary.
Howard: Jesus, Kulap, you're the one who told me to go long with the hair!
Who would you choose to direct a movie version of the Connivers? Would "not Summah" be the villain? Kurosawa or Almodovar
If I pieced things together correctly, it sounded like Howard has been hanging with Jody Highroller aka riffraff. Is there discussion of getting him on the podcast? Howard: Would love to get Jody. Saw him twice this summer. Smart car too big.
P.S. Howard, I fully support you buying a smart car. Follow your dreams. Achieve greatness. Kulap: Howard just wants a sidecar.
So when will the Mama Vilaysack doc rock our frocks? I'm shooting it starting Friday, hopefully within the year but it's hard to say.
Snaggle Tooth or Trip to Italy? Trip to Italy!
Howard, why didn't you cosplay as the escapee at comic-con? Wooaahhh! I like that question. Didn't have my face drum mallet.
Kulap, would you mind listing your favorite comics right now, not including Gail Simone? I think Image has been killing it. Howard, I've been inspired by you this Summah, been saying yes to everything! Love the show. Thanks guys. Go back and read flaming carrot! - Howard.
Howard, what do you do when you are not recording the podcast? We do discuss it. Listen to Two Charted?!
For Kuku and Wewe. Who would you love to have on Who Charted that's never been on the show before? Poehler, Louis C.K.
Hello! If you were going to face each other in a boxing match, what song would you each have playing as you entered the ring? Oooo wow wow wow wow.
"Mama Said Knock You Out"- Kulap.
Oh fuck, gimme ah, gimme ah...is it over already? "Read these Nikes" - Howard.
Will you have Ian Karmel on the show when he moves to LA? Him and Funches are best buds. We know Funches is a hit. I think Ian would be too. Give him a try. I love Ian. Sure, he's hilarious.
KuKu, does Wee-wee have any other super secret nicknames we should be aware of? Howard doesn't but I was christened a new name at 3 am - iced boba. - Kulap.
Last year, on the recommendation of Kulap, I made 'Slow Down' by 'The Team' my 2012 SONG of SUMMAH! Can we get some recommendations for a 2013 SONG of SUMMAH? Wild for the Night, Royals by Lorde.
Summah is almost halfway done and I feel lost. Summah's not ovah. Go hard!
Hey Howard! I know summah for you occurs at the beach, but what about a lake? I'm on a beautiful lake right now and having an amazing summah. And hello Kulap, tell Rocky hello. <3. Howard: Lake is great. Ocean is greater.
Kulap - were you creeped out by Chris Gore as much as listeners were? Kulap: Rock and roll shopping!
Howard - Have you and PFT made up yet? Shouldn't have summah enemies! Howard: Mmm, summah grudge. Not yet, he'll come around.
You said at one point you would be doing a live show in Chicago but it never materialized. Any chance of doing one in the future? Definitely. We both want to.
Wie Wie! I love your music buuut as someone who due to lack of time listens to her podcasts at 1.5X speed, I gotta say all your tracks, which are again, I think are sooo tits, sound EVEN more TITS at 1.5 speed. I'm talkin DBS, the Summah jams, and the themes. At 1.5 they are super twerk material. Would you consider writing slightly faster jams in the future? Howard: Meth kills. R U chick? Yes, I'll speed it up. For you.
Link to www.youtube.com. Do you approve and if not whats the criteria for a righteous Summah Jam? I just listened to it for a second but it sounds like Wintah.
Hey guys. My sister and I are big fans! We live in Baltimore. Any chance of you guys taking the show east? We'd love to do a show on the east coast, just a matter of getting it together!
We want to. If you felt empowered you could help make arrangements to do that!
Ku: any chance you could get Matt Fraction or Brian K Vaughan in for some charts? Hawkeye and Saga need some Howard examination. I would love that! Maybe David Mack can help us! Please tweet at them on our behalf :)
Howard: What is your choice for the top Country Summah Song for this Summah? Cruise by Florida Georgia Line.
Kulap, I asked Scott this earlier today on Uproxx, but I wanted to see your answer too. How did you and Scott meet/court each other? Kulap: At a fourth season Mr. Show taping
How How- The dates for Summahfest '13 in Portland aren't on the Helium website. What's the date on that? 8/4.
Did I miss all the fun? No.
Howard - what is your opinion on Action Bronson. I like him, but I can't get over how much he sounds like Ghosteface. Since you are on a country tip these days - listen to Lera Lynn. She did a cover of TV on the Radio's 'Wolf Like Me' that will blow your skirt up. Come on don't give me compound crust!
True dat. Very entertaining gentlemen.
Hey guys! thanks for all of the entertainment! bye! :) Save it! - Howard.
No just a summah lovin' dude. Ok.
Hey guys! love the podcast. it really gets me through the day when I need it. I just started listening.to it and keep being surprised that howard spent time in dc, my current location, and was wondering how his time was here. I was a waiter at American Cafe in Georgetown and Mr. Gaddy's in College Park. - Howard.
It does seem like a very un summah place. I can not imagine being served by Howard - Kulap.
Can we see your ridiculously large tits? No.
Last updated: 2013-07-29 00:27 UTC
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2013.03.17 09:43 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I rerail derailed trains AMA

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Date: 2013-03-16
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post
Questions Answers
Have you ever seen this? Link to www.youtube.com What are your thoughts on it? They are stupid. Plain and simple. But in my line of work its job security bitches!!!
What causes most trains to become derailed? Fluxuations in weather, poor maintenance on track, or broken rail car parts. Sometimes conductor error.
Never pennies? Nope.
Ok last question, might not be incredibly relevant though. Ever find a body of someone who commited suicide on the tracks and if so, is that what caused a train to derail? Nope sure haven't. A human body won't derail a train. The wheels will just cut three what ever part of the body would be on the track. Train would just keep on rolling. Well unless the conductor seen it happen.
How often do you play Train Simulator 2013? Never but I would try it.
Do the engineers usually get badly hurt when a derailing happens? How often do trains derail? The locomotive is ussualy still on the tracks. Its the middle of the train or the rear that will usually derail. Engineers do get hurt from time to time , but mostly from deer or humans that fly threw the windshield.
Humans? that often?? Not daily or anything but it happens.
What qualifications are required to get your job? Also,how frequently do derails happen? Two arms, two legs , two eyes , two ears , and a brain that can comprehend orders. That's about it. Daily
As someone who worked railroad contracting, I am curious how many drug addicts you work with? With the company I'm in none. Random drug tests all the time and if Even the slightest issue happens say someone backs a vehicle into a tree or what have you even no damage.Next day your taking a drug test.
Have you ever railed twins? I'm pretty lucky I haven't had to personally yet. My day will come.
What is your official job title? Is your company's slogan "We rail trains"? I'm just a laborer. The company I work for does more than retail trains. But for a slogan I font know of one. If it does it has something to do with safety I'm sure.
How did you end up becoming a train rerailer thingy? Hah funny question to me. I use to deliver Chinese food prior and always bitched how it was boring. My buddy who was a manager for the derailment company called me and said come fill out a app I got you a better job. So here I am.
Skills in delivery AND rerailing? Sounds like a perfect OP! Three straight years of delivery. 72,000 miles worth.
Have you ever failed to rerail a train and if so what do you do? If its not possible to get it back on track. The train will be sat next to the tracks or on a flatbed semi to be hauled away.then it becomes someone else's job.
How much do you earn per year? If you dont mind me asking. And this is the in the U.S yeah? In the U.S. correct. Roughly 30-45k
What was your most difficult or favorite rerailing? They all suck! No favorite. We had to rerail 9 cars where the left side rail rolled over on its side and the train was still sitting on the rail. Each car had to be chained up and individually lifted and taken to a clean part of the track. Mind you the clean part of the track was a half mile way. So imagine two big tractors with a train car dangling in the air swinging all around for a half mile at a snails pace nine times.
How often does the track get damaged? Its common. Trains are heavy and the tracks are mwnt to flex but like anything metal it can only flex so much before a problem will happen.
What tools do you need to rerail a train? do you a crane to lift them up again? and do you need something to fasten it to the rails again? The trains are not connected to the rail what so ever. They are just sitting on the track by gravity. We use two side booms a cat 72 sideboom and a 83. Some pics on the web if your interested.
Holy crap it's like a Caterpillar humongous tractor thing with a crane boom, I think. LINK. Yeah they are pretty awesome!
Ever dealt with the aftermath of a Bleve? Not exactly. Had a tanker punctured full of syrup.
What would you say is the most type of trains you re-rail, passenger or freight? If a train has derailed to the point the body has buckled, but say the bogeys are still in-tact, do you re-rail, or has it got to be lifted away and put onto a low-loader? Freight for sure. Empty cars like to hop off rails. When the trains buckle they usually get hauled away on flat beds. If we were to be in a train yard we might throw them back on the rails and the yard will pull them somewhere to be fixed.
Do you also rerail threads? I don't get paid to do that.
Any death involved? Deaths do happen. People getting hit by a train , a derailment with passengers , pretty much anything that would happen with a car can happen with a train.
Ever had a really bad spill? Does thirteen cars full of coal count?
Better than 13 tankers full of oil I guess... I did a 4 car derailment full of spilled oil. Luckily I'm not a oil clean up guy.
What qualifies you to rail derailed trains? Did you go to school for anything specific? I'm completely fascinated by trains and a job in the rail industry is something I've been considering for a while. Trains are amazing! The train industry was nothing I ever considered for a job. Now I'm in it I completely love it!!! I didn't need anything to get hired on other than a good word and I have a machanical back ground.
What kinds of mistakes does an engineer make that causes a train to derail? Too fast on a turn or a known bump or something? Edit: Oh yeah I think I remember being on the ski train from Denver to Winter Park that had to slow down or stop for a while because outside temperatures made the tracks too far apart or too close or something. Is that the kind of operator error you are referring too? Maybe driving on icy tracks too? Yes speeds are a huge factor to fast is a issue around corners. Track switches that are not full engaged cause lots of problems. Bumps cause problems. Track temps are a big thing since tracks are metal going from hot to cold causes the track to expand and contract.
How often do derailments happen? What are the more common freight cars that derail? How long does it take and how do you travel to the more remote areas that a derailment might happen at? We drive as close to the derailment as possible and then walk if need be. Common trains that derail are empty box cars.
Can you break down just how impossible this part of The Little Engine That Could is? Other than the "people" picking up that make shift rail its pretty accurate. The rail movement anyway
Do you know how to crack a safe? Haha nope but I'm following that thread
In the event of a toxic chemical spill do you have to wear special suits to rerail the train? Or does it get cleaned up first before you touch it? ER guys clean it up first.
I was a conductor for RJ Corman Railroad. My wife is a derailment dispatcher there. Matter of fact she just went in for her shift. You don't work for RJ do you? I would imagine it would either be RJ or CSX since they are the 2 biggest in the US. Neither one sir
Do you think Thomas the train is gay? Dudes got mad tyte skillz.
I keep you in business. How often does your employer use our services as far as you are aware? Edit: I am a train derailer for those interested. Edit2: I created an AMA as folks seem interested: Link to www.reddit.com. Thank you for your services!! I'm assuming you attach the derailer?
How long does it take to rerail a engine and how do you get it back to the yard after Engines are the easiest all the parts underneath are bolted together so we just hook them up and lift them. Train cars axels, trucks ( what sits on top of the wheels) , and the box car or tanker car are just sitting on each other. Gravity is the only thing keeping it together. Getting back to your question. I would say about 30 minutes to a hour for a locomotive that's sitting up like it should. Maybe a hour and a half to 2 hours if its on its side.
The locomotive is ussualy still on the tracks. Its the middle of the train or the rear that will usually derail. Engineers do get hurt from time to time , but mostly from deer or humans that fly threw the windshield. Forgot to get your other question. Derailments happen daily around the world. But a derailment can be anything from a 20 car pile up to a one axel falling off the rail.
Link to i.imgur.com please help. Oh my! Sorry I'm not helping
So, you can officially say in a Scooby-Doo voice: "I'm a rerailer!" Say it at the bar... maybe when you're a little drunk. I don't drink.
Link to i.imgur.com. Bull shit. Amtrak's derail all the time.
I hope this AmA stays on track... But if not, you seem like the right person to bring things back together. Sorry, couldn't resist. Upvote.
Me too! Link to i.imgur.com. We have some cranes but never use em.
Just a traction motor change out in the field. Siezed bearings and all. Slide the truck out and lift the truck off the traction motor and lower onto new. :D. Been there done that. Efff the connectors on traction motors
Do they look anything like the MW2 map "Derailed" Actually yes.
Last updated: 2013-03-21 08:33 UTC
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2012.05.05 18:23 tabledresser [Table] IAmA Walmart truck driver and this is my quarterly fuel report...

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Date: 2012-05-05
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Questions Answers
Are there [in front of me]other things we can do to make driving easier on you? Flashing head lights or 'markers' is a common practice among oversized vehicles on the freeway or where ever.
A few of our gas stations have lounges and bathrooms with showers for truckers. Do you make use of facilities like this? Flashing headlights tells a driver he/she can merge, flashing markers(trailer lights) is a thank you. If you can don't flash high beam, flash on/off or even just fog lights.
Are truckers generally chatty due to being mostly isolated while driving? The biggest advice I can give '4 wheelers' is when merging onto a freeway/highway. For the love of god. People need to watch the freeway traffic as much or more than what's in front of you. I see people with tunnel vision or on cell phones just merge w/o a thought or care in the world. Most often I can get into the left lane, but not always.
How have cell phones changed how CB is used? Moral of the story: On on-ramps watch freeway traffic, by the time the ramp ends you should have your place figured out and going the speed of traffic. If there is a semi in the lane your getting into... Floor it. Too many times people slow down or stop on on-ramps. This is bad for me and people who may be behind you and are not expecting some one slowing down on an ON-RAMP!
Do you have a CB handle? I don't use a CB. Most of what's on there is like Trade chat in WoW talking politics.
Favorite state to drive through? Showers cost 10$ a shower, unless you buy 50 gal of fuel which is everyday anyway, so its free.
Least favorite? Surprisingly kids don't signal for the air horn as much as teens do, and they're mostly female.
Do you exercise or anything on the road? It seems like a job where you're pretty much forced to sit for long hours on end and could possibly get unhealthy. Also, how do you keep occupied all that time alone on the road? Do you just listen to tons of audio books or something? Learn languages? Plot world domination..? Sadly exercise is a hard thing to get when working 14 hours a day. I heard a report that sitting for over 8 hours in a day is bad as smoking a pack a day for heath. I do eat a lot of fruit and cereals and I don't smoke or drink coffee.
Whenever I don't have access to media or I'm tired of the radio I sometimes think what would I do if it started raining pancakes or if there is nuclear war.
Most my day consists of podcasts, leo laporte, Car talk and Lex and Terry. I also have x m radio
So what would you do if it started raining pancakes? I would do my environmental duty and grab a fork and knife and clean up, after I find a safe place to park
Is it true that with the advent of GPS tracking that truckers are having a harder time meeting deadlines? I thought I read somewhere that truckers now couldn't go past "safe" driving hours because their companies tracked them. Whereas in the past it was common practice to drive way past health and safety because the companies themselves were setting deadlines that were impractical to meet with normal driving hours and thus implied the trucker should driver longer than was safe. Also, do you ever get the temptation to install a TV? That is true and false. When the system with implemented back in the 90's drivers were complaining and they couldn't deliver on time because of the hour restrictions but since then shippers have compensated for the d o t regulations. I just got a new qualcomm mcp 200 which gave me electronic logs to prevent me from driving past 11 hours. Most companies do this. But sadly independent drivers run multiple logs so they can break a these rules.
I watch tv on my phone and play minecraft on my tablet
So what happens if your driving down the highway and you hit the 11 hour mark? Shut down? Find a safe parking spot. Most driver should be responsible and stop before then. Sometimes I've had to move after my 14hr rule which requires a police escort.
Why is a police escort necessary? Because if I'm in an crash and someone dies and I'm driving past when I should then I got to Jail for 10 years. If police is there then I was doing everything I could to be safe.
Edit(spelling)
Can you explain this in more depth. I am very familiar with DOT rules and regulations although I have to do my own logging. 1) Do you travel with someone (thought you needed 2 people for 14 hr rule) 2) So If I am driving and need an extra 20 to the hotel call the cops? The 14 hour rule starts when you first go on duty, pretrip, its always running.
If you need an extra 20 mins you could alter your pretrip time to get that 20. If your not being tracked by a company gps then no one is going hit you. If you are you can write a note saying you had to find parking. They might buy it.
Have you ever watched shows like Ice Road Truckers? If so would you ever do something dangerous like that for the extra cash? I've seen a few episodes and there is no way in hell I would do it
What is the most rewarding part of being a truck driver? and What is the longest you've been away from home? To me just getting my CDL was a good reward. It helped me raise my driving standards because I had to.
Being independent. If I pick up and arrive on time I don't hear anything from my boss. How and where and what I do in between those 2 points is up to me.
And by the time I turn 27 this truck will be paid off, all $104,000 of it, giving me even more freedom.
I'm currently on my longest streak from being home... 3 months and counting.
How much do you make? As of last year(which on a scale from 1-10 was about a 5) I made 124,00$ gross. Netted 53k.
Jesus. How did you end up with less than half? Just my truck payment is 525 dollars a week. then you got maintenance, food, insurance, fuel and taxes.
Do you ever get tempted to let something "fall of the back of the truck", How is inventory done and what if anything do you sneak home? There rally is no way to steal things out of the trailer.
I guess I could pull over and open it the take stuff, but its all food... I guess if it came down to sky pancakes some berries wouldn't be bad.
Do you ever pick up hitch-hikers? Are you allowed to have company in the cabin? I have picked up one hitch hiker. No I'm not allowed to...
What made that one guy so special? He was a truck driver also.
"What I do between point A and point B is up to me as long as I arrive on time." Why are you not allowed to pick up hitchers in YOUR truck? It's bad for insurance if I get shot and everything is stolen.
Howd you get into this buisness? what made you decide to take this job? I did it because of the highest paying non-college educated job. and because I wanted to save up for medical school so maybe some day I can be an OB/GYN. and my grandpa did it as a dump truck driver my dad still does and I wanted to.
What is the longest journey you have ever taken? Oakland CA to Newark NJ.
Bout 3100 miles, took 5 days.
Why can't I buy gas for the price you're getting? It's not a fun as you might think. In my contract if fuel goes under $2/gal I lose my rebate altogether, if it goes lower then I start paying extra to the company.
Is Walmart really following through with their plans to completely overhaul there fleet with fuel efficient models? Also how are the new models, if you have driven one? Ive seen the natural gas trucks and hydrogen trucks. natural gas trucks get about 14 miles to the gallon. Or so I was told. everything is still in the testing phase.
Do you like your job, or is it a total pile of shit? And, do you get paid well? Just asking... I like this job. But like any job it does suck at times, like traffic, breakdowns, bad weather, hitting an animal, being asked for money, being offered/asked for drugs, D.O.T., trying to back into a place smaller than your truck, low bridges, Prius drivers, being offered sex... Just to name a few. But some of the places you see and people you meet make up for that.
Why don't you like Prius drivers? Most I see driving have a "I'm I better person than you because I drive a hybrid." That translates to their driving.
How the hell are you getting diesel for $1.62/gal? Fuel rebate from the company. I fuel at our terminals to get my fuel even cheaper
What would be the best way for someone who has only a basic driver's license and a clean record to get started on a career in trucking? Find 1 of the big companies that will train you and give you a job same time.
What kind of rig/engine are you running? International prostar with a cummins ISX which has 450 bhp and the transmission gives me 1800 foot pounds torque
Yeah, this is what I don't get. Surely the employer should pay for all the gas. Why should it come out of your pocket? Is that even legal? (It probably is legal in the US, because it seems like there a company can legally screw you every which way it likes, but still, it seems grossly unfair.) I am technically a contractor. I own my truck, Walmart makes more money off me because its MY truck, so I foot the bills. But because fuel is soo high in order to keep people employed they offer a fuel rebate so contractors stay profitable thus so do they.
Do you ever encounter any lady truck drivers? There are a few, the ratio for male to female is insane.
6.84 mpg? Are you OTR? I worked for Transwest in Denver for a bit, and all the Cummins and Cat OTR guys claimed more like 2-3 MPG. I'm on dedicated routes. round robin. I deliver to stores and then take the empty trailer back to the dc . So I'm 50/50 loaded/empty.
What's the biggest load you've ever taken? 46k pounds of cat food.
Weren't you over gross hauling that heavy of a load? Or does gross weight vary by state? I just know that our drivers that leave the Old Dominion terminal I work at can't be over 48k in gross weight or else we get huge DOT fines. I was at 79,840 lbs. with a 1/3 tank. It took an hour of sliding tandems and 5th wheel to get weights right.
Great answer. Where did you take it? To the face, thigh, back, toes? Wallet.
I hate nothing more than having to get out and slide tandems. I work on the dock for an ODFL terminal, and our city P&D drivers ride with their tandems all the way forward, then don't adjust them before they back to our dock. It's a requirement when dropping trailers at the dc to slide tandems to the back and lock em.
Is getting your cdl hard? Not really. A clean driving record helps. can cost a lot of money to do it, from 2 to 3000, but there are companies out there if you work for them for at least 2 years its free. Swift, Knight, Central and England seem to be the most popular.
You still need to fill out your log books. Also, keep in mind (although I can't confirm with Walmart), most loading and unloading is done on a schedule. You're expected to be a certain place by a certain time to meet your unloading appointment. Early? Tough. Late? Tough. We are supposed to key paper logs handy in case the system goes down.
I have to be to a store by a certain time. I do Meat/Produce and it usually needs to be done by 6am. And I'm usually several hours early.
engine idle 48% Does that mean that 48% of the time your engine is running the truck is not moving? Yes.
What kinds of cool things do you have that plug into your cigarette lighter? Sandwich makers? Microwave? I've got a small fridge and a propane stove. I don't like 12v sockets, it seems like a gimick almost, like usb ports. Everything that plugs into them seems cheap and ghetto.
So I use an inverter.
I want to get my CDL but I'm a 22 year old woman and am not sure it's the safest career choice. Do you know any female truck drivers? How were their experiences? Any advice? I've seen a lot of female truck drivers over the years. they do just as well as male drivers. but you will get harassed more being that it's a male dominated industry. As far as advice goes stay away from a cb radio. once they hear your voice It's innuendo hell. id go start with 1 of the big companies, that's where you'll have the most fair treatment.
Are you aware within 10 years, the first vehicles to be replaced with robotic vehicles will be freight? Do you have an exit plan? What kind of truck do you drive? Year? EDIT: Previous post says International. Does it have all the fancy exhaust on it and AdBlue? It's a 2011. I don't use blue def.
Any good truck stop/rest stop stories? Do you guys ever party or is it pretty much just time to sleep? There is a truck stop out on I15 just north of Vegas that sells fireworks on the Indian reservation drivers are always shooting them off. Super bowl is a big day for truck stops too.
Aren't you actually a contractor leased to an outside carrier and not an actual Walmart truck driver? I have worked overflow fleets and know that Walmart drivers do not pay or keep records of fuel purchases as they typically only fuel at Distribution Centers --- typically only refrigerated carriers do direct lease work for Walmart (that is dispatch is located on DC property) This does not make you a Walmart employee, correct? Yes. But I have a seperate contract that only allows me to pull Walmart loads. And our DC only works with my company as it is only a MP/FDD dc. I only fuel at the dc
I've heard stories of women in convertibles flashing truckers their lower half and playing with it for the truckers amusement. Any similar stories? July 1st according to playboy is "National flash a truckers day"
Would you guys (walmart truck drivers) ever be willing to stage a strike against Walmart?...for how they treat employees or any thing of the like? There are no unions at Wal-Mart, I doubt a whole dc would strike. If just a few even I bet they would get fired.
What does the "pull to evacuate trailer air supply" do? It's the trailer parking brake.
Do you get paid 40c a mile?? 1$ per mile.
How old do you have to be to get a job as a semi driver? You can be 18 and get your CDL for intrastate work, 21 for interstate.
Can you drive on the interstate at 18? You can, you just can't leave the state.
Sweet! Do you know how long the job training typically is? would be nice for a summer job while im not in college. 2-3 weeks.
That underground facility is Carthage MO Americold warehouse right? Kraft, Springfield.
Is that a Volvo semi? International.
Do you get a regular annual salary, or do you get payed by the mile? By the mile.
Before you cut a semi off and then slow down in front of it, consider that they have, like, a million gears to shift through. Or 8-21. Same thing. I got 10, most have 13-18. If I need to stop fast enough I just clutch in and brake.
You can drive for 4 min at 25 mph, and the computer wil not change from "off-duty" to "driving" For me its only 5 mph.
In Australia we pay $1.56/L which I think equates to $5.90/gallon. I so wish we had fuel the same price.... Yeah but you guys have road trains, mad props.
Last updated: 2012-05-09 10:20 UTC Next update: 2012-05-09 16:20 UTC
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